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[a习作temp] Argument174 【四人行小组】第6次作业小白 [复制链接]

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Eileen312
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发表于 2009-7-21 11:34:51 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ARGUMENT174 - The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.

"We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But eighty percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumni who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all-female, therefore, will improve morale among students and convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially."
WORDS: 415
TIME: 00:36:12
DATE: 2009/7/20 17:54:26

Citing the results of two surveys which support [及物动词，无to，后面的相应地改为名词性词组]to remain the Grove College all-female while ignoring the fact that a majority of faculty members vote in favor of coeducation, the arguer hastily conclude that keeping the college all-female will improve the students' morale and ensure the donations from alumni and suggest to remain the college all-female. However, the argument has 3 main fallacies as it stands.
First and foremost, the arguer unfairly assumes that keeping the college all-female will improve morale among students. Given that eighty percent of the students want the college all female, the remaining still just meet their demand. On the contrary, the 20% students may be disappointed about the college. What's more, as a majority of faculty support the coeducation, the all-female decision will inevitably do harm to their morale and leads to unexpected consequence[such as…]. In summary, it is unwarranted to ensure that keeping all-female will improve morale among students without hurting the faculty members'.
Moreover, no evidence shows that coeducation will result in the decrease of donations from the alumni of Grove College.[我觉得此处应该直接说all female未必能convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially；而非你自己作出进一步推理；毕竟A是要找原文的逻辑漏洞] Since the donations is influenced by many factors such as the graduates' loyalty, their financial condition and so forth. Despite that the coeducation may disappoint the alumni who opposed coeducation in the survey, they have not threatened that they will keep supporting the college financially unless it remains all-female. In addition, it is also possible that other alumni, especially those who prefer the coeducation, will donate more to the college. In this circumstance, the worry that coeducation will decrease the financial support from the alumni is not convincing.
Last but not the least, the arguer fails to take into account the positive effects which arise from the coeducation so the arguer's suggestion is ill-considered[好词]. As the faculty members point out, the coeducation gives rise to the enhanced applications to Grove College which means more tuitions income. Moreover, the introduction of male students may attract more attention from the male society---[,which或者直接用leading]may leads to more funding from the business men. Therefore, without considering the possible advantages of coeducation, the proposal that the Grove College should keep its all-female education is not cogent.[这一个错误我实在没想到！！妙！]
To sum up, the argument is well-presented but not well-reasoned. Even though the survey cited by the arguer shows that some students and alumni oppose the coeducation, the arguer's claim that keeping all-female will improve morale and keep donations is not substantiated. In order to provide a convincing suggestion, overall evaluation about the coeducation is indispensable.
[流畅自然，没有模板痕迹！用词富于变化，赞！你主要反驳的论点。论据方面：eighty percent of the students responding to a survey…如果该校有10000学生，而他们只调查了100个学生，其中80个认同all female…是否可说论据没有说服力、不够具体。这有点抠字眼，欢迎讨论O(∩_∩)O~]