[i习作temp] issue103求建议（只言片语都可以） [复制链接]

hdet
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-8-8 10:13:49 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

issue写了不到10篇，这是最近的一篇，希望板上高手给些建议

TOPIC: ISSUE 103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
WORDS: 495 TIME: 00:43:00 DATE: 2009/8/7 17:59:43
The speaker alleges that the study of history has value only insofar as it is relevant to our day-to-day activities. In my point of view, the speaker's assertion is one-sided and he or she disregards many other aspects that the value of history lies in. Actually, the study of history can be beneficial to so many actions of the human being, which will be substantiated by the following discussions.
To begin with, history provides abundant sources and evidence for the study of social science. As we know, sociologist study the development, structures and interactions of groups of people. Such investigations are hard to operate by means used by other fields of science, like experiments. History records the process of past society, where it went under various social, cultural, economical, political circumstances. These precious and vivid records provide valuable paradigms for us to explain the collective behavior of organized groups of human beings, and even predict our future, according to our current status. Moreover, we can take some measures to prosper our world.
Additionally, the study of history can inspire and encourage everyone today. Looking back at the history, there are so many significant persons with great achievements, who can give us courage and confidence to progress. As aptly illustrated by the former US President Roosevelt, who overcame a crippling illness to place himself at the head of the forces of reform, everyone can have his or her bright future only by persistence and never giving-up, in spite of some congenial defects. Those exemplars encourage our youth to go through hard times or defeats, arouse conscious mind of ourselves when we succeed. In short, history plays an indispensable role in everyone's personal growth.
A further and more significant effect that the study of history has on us is the lessons it teaches. Admittedly, current world is changing rapidly and there are huge differences between today and 20 years ago, not to mention hundreds, and even thousands of years ago. But some principles or guidance maintain constant during the human being's history, which can be also applied to the present. In the fierce competitions between countries, large corporations, political groups, victory often belongs to the side which can clearly recognize its own advantages and disadvantages, as well as its rivals'. This is just as told by ancient Chinese sage Sun Tzu, in his masterpiece, "The Art of War", whose strategies are awfully appreciated and used by commanders, CEOs, officials and even coaches. Today, more and more elites in many fields realize that a study of past can both efficiently and effectively tackles problems they encounter and can prevent some tragic ends due to some mistakes, which someone suffered in the past.
In the final analysis, we should not restrict the value of historical study to daily life, as the speaker claims. Its value, which lights up the way we will go, inspires our youth, and serves as a consultant, need further explored and deeply exploited by us.

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hdet
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沙发

发表于 2009-8-8 14:08:18 |只看该作者

1# hdet
大家随便给点建议吧~~

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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melodyfeather
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板凳

发表于 2009-8-10 00:13:21 |只看该作者

我很弱，不过大家互相学习嘛。

总体评价：楼主可以把第三个论点和第二个换一下，毕竟一三是讲研究和实用，第三个就上升到了精神层面落实到人文关怀，还有我认为还是讲一下在有关日常生活的作用吧，让下步，就可能更加体现您的考虑周全以及该论点的复杂性（觉得没道理的话想忽略就忽略吧，我基本上也不怎么懂）

楼主写作词汇量很大哈，希望回拍103：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773039973

我的其他文章如果有兴趣可帮忙看下哈，我立马就得考了

TOPIC: ISSUE 103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
WORDS: 495 TIME: 00:43:00 DATE: 2009/8/7 17:59:43

The speaker alleges that the study of history has value only insofar as it is relevant to our day-to-day activities. In my point of view, the speaker's assertion is one-sided and he or she disregards many other aspects that the value of history lies in. Actually, the study of history can be beneficial to so many actions of the human being, which will be substantiated by the following discussions.(这个地方貌似最好把什么方面也说一下，老外可能会觉得你这么写中心不明显)

To begin with, history provides abundant sources and evidence for the study of social science. As we know, sociologist studies the development, structures and interactions of (within?)groups of people（the development, structure of groups of people? ）. Such investigations are hard to operate（这个单词一般是指变化，我只会用make这个恶俗词汇，楼主不介意的话能不能摘一下例句？） by means used by other fields of science, like（用such as是不是会好些？） experiments. History records the process of past society, where it went under（go under 沉没；没落，破产；失败；屈服） various social, cultural, economical, political circumstances（这句话没怎么看懂,这个where指什么？）. These precious and vivid records provide valuable paradigms for us to explain the collective behavior of organized groups of human beings, and even predict our future, according to our current status. Moreover, we can take some measures to prosper our world.(这句可以并到前面去)

Additionally, the study of history can inspire and encourage everyone today. Looking back at the history, there are so many significant persons with great achievements, who can give us courage and confidence to progress（太chinglish了，你觉得我这么改可不可以：Looking back at the history, the individuals living in contemporary society could be inspired and encouraged by those great with significant achievements.）. As It is aptly illustrated by the former US President Roosevelt, who overcame a crippling illness to place himself at the head of the forces of reform, that everyone can have his or her bright future only by persistence and never giving-up, in spite of some congenial(1.同性质的，性格相似的，意气相投的，思想感情相同的 (with; to)。这个词用在这里不太好吧？) defects. Those exemplars encourage our youth（不要特指比较好吧，普通人就可以了） to go through hard times or defeats, arouse conscious mind of ourselves when we succeed. In short, knowledge of history plays an indispensable role in everyone's personal growth.
（这一段已开始讲的是everyone, 中间验证的时候最好也用everyone,至于验证完了应不应该在总结，每个人有每个人的看法吧）

A further and more significant effect that the study of history has（impacts） on us is the lessons it teaches（最好说清楚是什么课程,否则建议用the guidance in fields of military, medical, politics, and so on.）. Admittedly, current world is changing rapidly and there are huge differences between today and 20 years ago, not to mention hundreds, and（or） even thousands of years ago. But some principles or guidance maintain constant during the human being's history, which can be also applied to the present. In the fierce competitions between countries, large corporations, political groups, victory often belongs to the side which can clearly recognize its own advantages and disadvantages, as well as its rivals'. This is just as told by ancient Chinese sage Sun Tzu, in his masterpiece, "The Art of War", whose strategies are awfully appreciated and used by commanders, CEOs, officials and even coaches. （这两句内容是不是最好重新整合一下，把is just as told by ancient Chinese sage Sun Tzu 换到前一句去，后面在单独验证他的理论在当今是有用的）Today, more and more elites in many（various） fields realize that a study of past can both efficiently and effectively tackles problems they encounter and can prevent some tragic ends due to some mistakes, which someone suffered in the past.

In the final analysis, we should not restrict the value of historical study to daily life, as the speaker claims. Its value, which lights up the way we will go, inspires our youth, and serves as a consultant, need to be further explored and deeply exploited(这貌似是贬义词) by us.(或者deserve deeper exploration and wider application.)
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