[未归类] 求拍砖 issue58 argument19 [复制链接]

hazelily
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电梯直达

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发表于 2010-3-16 03:25:31 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 Bela1229 于 2010-3-16 14:40 编辑

第一次写两篇，3.29就要上考场了，请大家多多拍砖。感激不尽。

issue 58
写了差不多一个小时
题目："The increasingly rapid pace of life today causes more problems than it solves"
正文（字数690）：
As we enjoying the efficiency and convenience the increasingly rapid pace of life brings us, it does also emission byproducts. But the byproducts couldn't shade advantages it products.

The pace of life increased as the development of productivity ever since human being emergence. Life is changing every now and then since thousands years ago. And life today is greater different as it hundreds years ago due to the industrial revolution. When we chasing the final causation of life pace, we find it the reformation of tools used to product. Thousands years ago only hoes used in agriculture. Later, animals are participating to help. And now most labor work in agriculture could be done by machine. The revolution of tools not only frees farmers from cropland and burning sun, but also increases the output of every unit land. Since more people could be fed by the limited land, population grows larger and the competition between person become fiercer. The pace of life speed up as a result of the pursuit of better life and the rapid competition in sharing a part of
hi-tech. Hi-tech today brings us things we can't even imagine before, like the cell phone, computer, various of cards, and etc. Greater convenience and efficiency comes after them. We can buy whatever we want by simply click some bottoms on computer in seconds, which would cost fewer days to shop in plaza ago due to the e-commercial. We could also chatting whenever we want online, which was difficult before since it's not that easy to gather two people together. The efficiency of the rapid pace of life allows us to accomplish work in shorter time, and then more spare time is left for us to enjoying personal life. The increasingly rapid pace of life due to the revolution of technology brings people more leisure time and personal space. Modern life is much more amazing than ancient one. We no longer face the challenge of survives but live.
A coin has two sides as the increasingly rapid pace of life also has byproducts which weak the quality of life. The support of technology is a huge demand of resource. The high productivity in outcome is based on the vast consumer of income. Mine, water, air are all needs for hi-tech. Mine, which cost a long long time to form become fewer and fewer. Quality of water and air are worse and worse. The harm on nature worsens the environment human live and weak the benefits hi-tech brings. Not only the physical uncomfortable that matters, the mental stress also impact modern people. High technology allows high productivity; at the same time allow one with resource to exploit others. The distinction of poor and rich become larger then. The rich may happy with the luxury life hi-tech brings, which the poor may hate the endless of work hours and the disparity payment. As one of human instinct: to fight for a better life, workaholic is everywhere today. We dare not to rest, considering others may exceed. For this point of view, the spare time hi-tech brings seems the other way. We did product more, but the work hour does not decrease since we urge much more. Byproducts in physical and mental do weak the quality of life today, but should we blame it to the rapid pace of life?

Throw away an apple because of the core is stupid so as condemn the hi-tech because of the byproducts. Anyway, we have ways to solve those problems. To deal with the decrease of natural resource, we can exploit it scheming and searching for new energy source. To reduce the disparity of rich and poor, governments could charge more tax from the rich and use the tax to build public service for the poor. To ease the mental stress, we can educate people how to manager rest and work.

In conclusion, we have analyzed the advantages and disadvantages of increasingly rapid pace of life. We see the enjoyment it brings and the byproducts it makes. The best is yet to come. A better life is still waiting us by dealing with those byproducts efficient.

argument 19
写了差不多45分钟
题目：“The following appeared in a letter from the manager of a rock band named Double Rice.
"One year ago, tickets for Double Rice's concerts in stadiums around the country took, on average, at least 24 hours to sell out, if they sold out at all. But the band has been enjoying a surge in nationwide popularity among 14 to 25 year olds, and the 30,000 tickets for a recent concert in Megalopolis sold out in 12 minutes. Clearly the ticket sales in Megalopolis are a result both of the band's increased popularity and of the advertising campaign run in Megalopolis by the Ad Lib advertising agency. Thus, in order to ensure that the band's success in Megalopolis is repeated across the country, the band should hire Ad Lib to duplicate the Megalopolis ad campaign on a nationwide scale."
正文（字数：416）
The letter states that in order to ensure Double Rice's success in Megalopolis is repeated across the country, Ad Lib should be hired to duplicate the Megalopolis ad campaign on a nationwide scale. The reason and facts given to support this conclusion seems valid, but not thoroughly well-reasoned.

There two key data compared in the argument: 24 hours and 12 minutes. 24 hours was the minimized average time taken to sell out Double Rice's tickets one year ago, while 12 minutes is the time taken to sell out Double Rice's tickets in Megalopolis recently, where Ad Lib was hired as adverting agency. The data could be accurate, but the comparison is fallacious. The manager thought tickets sells better this time in Megalopolis than one year ago around the country, based on 12 minutes is much short than 24 hours. Obviously, the manager fails to consider that it took 24 hours to sell out tickets national wide one year ago, but in Megalopolis it could be much less than that time simply because Double Rice has more fans there. It is also possible that Double Rice is more popular this year that makes their tickets sells better than last year. Two doubles upon weak the influence of Ad Lib's contribution to Double Rice's tickets market. If the manager wants to make 12 minutes as a remarkable progress, he should at least compare it with the time took to sell out tickets in Megalopolis last year under another ad company's adverting.

Even if we believe that Ad Lib help Double Rice sells better in Megalopolis, the manager's argument is also unconscionable
because he thought Ad Lib do well in Megalopolis would also do well across the country without any evidence given. However, the Ad Lib agency may acquaint with Megalopolis's people's appetite, so it can plan a successful adverting there. But as a local adverting agency, it knows litter about other cities across the country, which will weaken their adverting effect. So if the manager wants to argue that Ad Lib could do well across the country because its success in Megalopolis, he should give proofs to prove Ad Lib's ability.

Overall, the manager's reasoning behind hiring Ad Lib to duplicate the Megalopolis ad campaign on a nationwide to ensure the band's success in Megalopolis is repeated across the country is invalid at least in two aspects argued above. If the manager wants to get conclusions, more proofs should be given to support his reasoning as mentioned above.

各位大牛小牛，G友们，请努力拍，还有两个星期不到就上考场了。准备很不充分。语言极其干涩，我该怎么办呀。

Argument, Issue, 拍砖

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xinzifan
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沙发

发表于 2010-3-16 22:06:56 |只看该作者

1.There two key data compared in the argument:

----there are two key datas....

2.24 hours was the minimized average time taken to sell out Double Rice's tickets one year ago

----one year ago,it took 24 hours to sell out Double Rice's tickets

3.The manager thought tickets sells better this time in Megalopolis than one year ago around the country

----thinks

4.based on 12 minutes is much short than 24 hours

----based on the fact that .....

5.Two doubles upon weak the influence of Ad Lib's contribution to Double Rice's tickets market.

---two doubts mentioned above weaken the Ad Lib's contributions to Double Rice's tickets market.

6. he should at least compare it with the time took to sell out tickets in Megalopolis last year under another ad company's adverting.

----with the time which spent on selling out .....company's advertising

7.unconscionable可以换个其他可供驾驭的词汇

8.However, the Ad Lib agency may acquaint with Megalopolis's people's appetite

-----acquaint with the people's appetite in Megalopolis

9.make a successful advertising 不要用原来的plan

============================
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