[a习作temp] 欢迎拍小组 argument 217 [复制链接]

crazyjoo
UID: 2805124

高级会员

Rank: 5 Rank: 5

声望: 10
寄托币: 1237
注册时间: 2010-4-26
精华: 0
帖子: 11

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-7-24 19:22:43 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT217 - The following appeared in a brochure promoting the purchase of local franchises for a national chain of gyms.
"Now is the time to invest in a Power-Lift Gym franchise so that you can profit from opening one of our gyms in your town. Consider the current trends: Power-Lift Gyms are already popular among customers in 500 locations, and national surveys indicate increasing concern with weight loss and physical fitness. Furthermore, last year's sales of books and magazines on personal health totaled more than $50 million, and purchases of home exercise equipment almost doubled. Investing now in a Power-Lift Gym franchise will guarantee a quick profit."
WORDS: 480 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2000-7-24 16:59:57

The argument is well present, but not thoroughly reasoned. By citing the popularity of Power-Life Gyms (PLG) and the nationwide increasing concern with physical fitness and personal health, the arguer's suggestion that to invest in PLG franchise is profitable seems logical.

Firstly, the arguer's assumption that those existing PLGs in 500 locations are successful is open to doubt. Although PLG already have customers in 500 locations, in the absence of a concrete finical report, it is impossible to conclude that to invest in PLG franchise is worthwhile. Admittedly, according to the national surveys, people are more and more enthusiastic about weight loss and physical fitness, all of which might explain why PLGs' popularity because businessmen want to grasp this feat by investing in gyms. However, the arguer fails to give a clear market orientation to PLG. Perhaps PLG is aimed at making people more stout instead of slim that is favored by the market. Or perhaps PLG is preferred by athletics rather than common people because its most conspicuous feature is to provide professional guidance of sports. Without giving us a clear market orientation of PLG and a financial analysis about those existing PLGs, the arguer cannot justifiably assume that the exiting PLGs are successful and profitable.

Secondly, last year's skyrocketing sales of publication on personal health and home exercise equipment do not indicate that consumers will also have strong interest in Gym. The cost of attending a Gym is much expensive than buying a book about healthy lives or purchasing a home exercise equipment. In fact, publications on personal health and home exercise equipment are very likely to threat PLG's share of the market.

Finally, the arguer commits a over-generalization. Even we accepted that those existing PLG are profitable and people also have strong desire for Gym, it is presumptuous to suggest that to invest now in local PLG franchise is a wise choice. People's consuming habit may vary considerably from town to town since consuming habit can be determined by many factors, such as the economic environment of a town, the employment rate of a town, and average salary of a town's residents and so forth. The national surveys are not representative of the local people. Perhaps local people prefer home exercise over Gym for convenience. Or perhaps they like to buy publications about healthy lives for economic concern. Besides, without making a analysis over the local potential competitors, it is irresponsible to conclude that to invest in local PLG franchise guarantee profit, not to mention a quick profit as the arguer’s claim.

To sum up, the argument is not as persuasive as it stands. To make it more logically acceptable, the arguer should provide us a comprehensive analysis over the financial condition and market orientation of those PLGs in 500 locations. Moreover, the brochure maybe more engaging if the arguer renders us a local survey and concrete statistics of the amount of money people spent on gyms last year.

回应
0

使用道具举报

xiaohuimi291
UID: 2760978

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 244
注册时间: 2010-2-6
精华: 0
帖子: 1

沙发

发表于 2010-7-24 22:11:18 |只看该作者

1# crazyjoo
The argument is well present, but not thoroughly reasoned. By citing the popularity of Power-Life Gyms (PLG) and the nationwide increasing concern with physical fitness and personal health, the arguer's suggestion that to invest in PLG franchise is profitable seems logical.(第一段最好指出argu有缺陷)

Firstly, the arguer's assumption that those existing PLGs in 500 locations are successful is open to doubt. Although PLG already have customers in 500 locations, in the absence of a concrete finical report, it is impossible to conclude that to invest in PLG franchise is worthwhile. Admittedly, according to the national surveys, people are more and more enthusiastic about weight loss and physical fitness, all of which might explain why PLGs' popularity because businessmen want to grasp this feat by investing in gyms. However, the arguer fails to give a clear market orientation to PLG. Perhaps PLG is aimed at making people more stout instead of slim that is favored by the market. Or perhaps PLG is preferred by athletics rather than common people because its most conspicuous feature is to provide professional guidance of sports. Without giving us a clear market orientation of PLG and a financial analysis about those existing PLGs, the arguer cannot justifiably assume that the exiting PLGs are successful and profitable.

Secondly, last year's skyrocketing sales of publication on personal health and home exercise equipment do not indicate that consumers will also have strong interest in Gym. The cost of attending a Gym is much expensive than buying a book about healthy lives or purchasing a home exercise equipment. In fact, publications on personal health and home exercise equipment are very likely to threat PLG's share of the market.（会不会太简单了点？）

Finally, the arguer commits a over-generalization. Even we accepted that those existing PLG are profitable and people also have strong desire for Gym, it is presumptuous to suggest that to invest now in local PLG franchise is a wise choice. People's consuming habit may vary considerably from town to town since consuming habit can be determined by many factors, such as the economic environment of a town, the employment rate of a town, and average salary of a town's residents and so forth. The national surveys are not representative of the local people. Perhaps local people prefer home exercise over Gym for convenience. Or perhaps they like to buy publications about healthy lives for economic concern. Besides, without making a analysis over the local potential competitors, it is irresponsible to conclude that to invest in local PLG franchise guarantee profit, not to mention a quick profit as the arguer’s claim. （两个perhaps 跟上一段写重了）

To sum up, the argument is not as persuasive as it stands. To make it more logically acceptable, the arguer should provide us a comprehensive analysis over the financial condition and market orientation of those PLGs in 500 locations. Moreover, the brochure maybe more engaging if the arguer renders us a local survey and concrete statistics of the amount of money people spent on gyms last year.（论点找的挺全的，第一段分析角度很新颖！）

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

使用道具举报

starfirezhu
UID: 2842465

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 113
注册时间: 2010-6-28
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2010-7-25 23:55:06 |只看该作者

…commits a over-generalization…; …making a analysis over…；怎么又是a和an的问题呀？

使用道具举报

starfirezhu
UID: 2842465

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 113
注册时间: 2010-6-28
精华: 0
帖子: 0

地板

发表于 2010-7-26 00:25:48 |只看该作者

2nd Review:
The argument is well presented, but not thoroughly reasoned. By citing the popularity of Power-Life Gyms (PLG) and the nationwide increasing concern with physical fitness and personal health, the arguer's suggestion that to invest in PLG franchise is profitable seems logical.

Firstly, the arguer's assumption that those existing PLGs in 500 locations are successful is open to doubt. Although PLG already have customers in 500 locations, in the absence of a concrete finical report, it is impossible to conclude that to invest in PLG franchise is worthwhile. Admittedly, according to the national surveys, people are more and more enthusiastic about weight loss and physical fitness, all of which might explain why PLGs' popularity because businessmen want to grasp this feat(feast?) by investing in gyms. However, the arguer fails to give a clear marketing orientation to PLG. Perhaps PLG is aimed at making people more stout instead of slim that is favored by the market. Or perhaps PLG is preferred by athletics rather than common people because its most conspicuous feature is to provide professional guidance of sports. Without giving us a clear market orientation of PLG and a financial analysis about those existing PLGs, the arguer cannot justifiably assume that the exiting PLGs are successful and profitable.

Secondly, last year's skyrocketing sales of publication on personal health and home exercise equipment do not indicate that consumers will also have strong interest in Gym. The cost of attending a Gym is much expensive than buying a book about healthy lives or purchasing a home exercise equipment. In fact, publications on personal health and home exercise equipment are very likely to threaten PLG's share of the market.(share of market 是个固定短语！)

Finally, the arguer commits an over-generalization. Even we accepted that those existing PLG are profitable and people also have strong desire for Gym, it is presumptuous to suggest that to invest now in local PLG franchise is a wise choice. People's consuming habit may vary considerably from town to town since consuming habit can be determined(affected?) by many factors, such as the economic environment of a town, the employment rate of a town, and average salary of a town's residents and so forth. The national surveys are not representative of the local people. Perhaps (some certain) local people prefer home exercise over Gym for convenience. Or perhaps they like to buy publications about healthy lives for economic concern. Besides, without making an analysis over the local potential competitors, it is irresponsible to conclude that to invest in local PLG franchise guarantees profit, not to mention a quick profit as the arguer’s claim.

To sum up, the argument is not as persuasive as it stands. To make it more logically acceptable, the arguer should provide us a comprehensive analysis over the financial condition and market orientation of those PLGs in 500 locations. Moreover, the brochure maybe more engaging if the arguer renders us a local survey and concrete statistics of the amount of money people spent on gyms last year.

使用道具举报