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[i习作temp] [i习作temp]蜂巢小组 I51 by <06ll> [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-11-19 22:36:28 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 liuli15648 于 2010-11-19 22:42 编辑

Education,broadly defined as a mainly method of inheriting knowledge,has along history.Ever since the caveman thaught their campanions about their hunting method,people have known the important of education.in that time,people always hunting animals with several strong people.they learned the knowledge of how to hunt with another people.although people maybe didn’t like learn that,but for live ,they can’t . if not inhert the knowledge of previous,they have to learn it for themselves,and didn’t aware of groups. they maybe die.because in ancient time,it’s dangerous for alone. in that time you can’t choose what you learn ,just in order to live.
But with the society developed,have the situation changed?could people can learn the knowledge what they forward to? Many people ,myself included ,want to become skilled at some subjects,so we chosed it as our required subject,but when we learn it ,we dig out that the teacher give much information we don’t suppose to. For example,my subject is meterial ,I like to get the knoeledge of the the capability of material ,and its structure , I don’t want to learn other .but to the contrest ,I have to attend the classes such as chinese,english,math and so on .If those knowledge are useless,could our teacher or our school’s leader make us to learn it?It is obvious not.It apparent that these knowledge can make a bridge for us to other specialized field.Thanks these comman knowledge,they can help us work well with others.Collecting many people’s knowledge,and they work toghter ,the science develop...none of the achivement attribut the success to a single person’knowledge,but the group.when adison invited the electric light,there are much work of his technician in his lab.when newton have so many achivements,he said becsuse he standing on the shoulders of giants. this is the successful of education ,help students gain knowledge society,science developing ,and cooperation needed,not for individual.
On the other hand ,individual needs and interests maybe negetive or bad.such as gambler fond of gambling,drug users want to drug,if our education gain the knowledge of gambling and drug with them,the result is not good.even though their subject and interests are good to our society’s developed ,do you think we have enough source such as teacher and equipment?no,we haven’t,so it can’t speciafically
designed for everyone,only if they have enough money to do this.but who can say that our education block up the
science and society developed?
From ancient times ,people retell their knowledge to another,after that,characters appeared,these characters writed down human beings’ achievements,the education make social progress.Not inviduals’progress can promote social development,but mang people’s knowledge can do. Not education will be truly effective
in specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student but for the social development.

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发表于 2010-11-20 10:40:22 |只看该作者
修改by o5 little2:
Education,broadly defined as a mainly method of inheriting knowledge,has along history.Ever since the caveman thaught (taught)their campanions about their hunting methods,people have known the important(ce) of education.in(At) that time,people always hunting(hunted) animals with several strong people.they learned the knowledge of how to hunt with another people.although people maybe didn’t like to learn that,but for live ,they can’t (had no other choice) . if not inhert were the knowledge of the previous,they have to learn it for themselves,and didn’t aware of groups. they maybe die.because in ancient time,it’s dangerous for being alone. in that time you can’t choose what you learn ,just in order to live.(这一部分的例子可否更精炼一些呢,感觉前后几句话都是差不多的意思:没有来自同伴授予的知识,远古时代的人就无法生存)
But with the society developed,have(has) the situation changed?could people can learn the knowledge what they forward to? Many people ,myself included ,want to become skilled at some subjects,so we chosed it as our required subject,but when we learn it ,we dig out that the teacher give much information we don’t suppose to. For example,my subject is meterial ,I like to get the knoeledge of the the capability of material ,and its structure , I don’t want to learn the others .but to the contrest ,I have to attend the classes such as chinese,english,math and so on .If those knowledge are useless,could our teacher or our school’s leader make us to learn it?It is obvious not.(因为我们必须要学这些课程,所以这些课程是有用的,这个逻辑似乎不对。)It apparent that these knowledge can make a bridge for us to other specialized field.Thanks to these comman knowledges,they can help us work well with others.Collecting many people’s knowledge,and they work toghter ,the science develop...none of the achivement attributes the success to a single person’knowledge,but the group.when adison invited the electric light,there are much work of his technician in his lab.when newton have so many achivements,he said becsuse he standing on the shoulders of giants. this is the successful of education ,help students gain knowledge society,science developing ,and cooperation needed,not for individual.
On the other hand ,individual needs and interests maybe negetive or bad.such as gambler fond of gambling,drug users want(addictive) to drugs,if our education gain the knowledge of gambling and drug with them,the result is not good.even though their subject and interests are good to our society’s developed ,do you think we have enough source such as teacher and equipment?no,we haven’t,so it can’t speciafically
designed for everyone,only if they have enough money to do this.but who can say that our education block up the
science and society developed?
From ancient times ,people retell(conveyed) their knowledge to one another,after that,characters appeared(抱歉,没看懂,什么意思呢),these characters writed down human beings’ achievements,the education make social progress.Not(It is not) inviduals’progress thatcan promote social development,but mang people’s knowledge can do. Not education will be truly effective
in specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student but for the social development.

1,可能是因为时限,没有充足时间检查。拼写错误,大小写,语法错误稍微多了一点点。:)
2,逻辑还是很清楚的。
3,举例时概括的程度不够。
加油,我们一起努力吧。:)

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板凳
发表于 2010-11-20 22:00:23 |只看该作者
Education, broadly defined as a mainly method of inheriting knowledge, has along(a long) history. Ever since the caveman thaught(taught) their campanions(companions) about their hunting method, people have known the important(importance) of education. in that time(During the ancient times), people always hunting animals with several strong people. They learned the knowledge of how to hunt with another people .Although people maybe didn’t like learn that,but for live ,they can’t . (Although people may don’t like to learn that, to survive, they had to do.)if not inhert(If they do not inherit) the knowledge of previous(ancestors), they have to learn it for themselves, and didn’t aware of groups. they maybe die.(此处应为逗号,because不能独立成句)because in ancient time,it’s dangerous for alone. in that time you can’t choose what you learn ,just in order to live. (1。标点符号后面需要跟上一个空格。2。句号后另起一句话要大写3希望写完文章后最好放到word里面仔细检查下基本语法和拼写)
But with the society developed(developing rapidly),have(has) the situation changed? could people can(去掉can) learn the knowledge what they forward to? Many people ,myself included ,want to become skilled at some subjects, so we chosed(chose) it as our required subject, but when we learn it ,we dig out that the teacher give much information we don’t suppose to. For example, my subject is meterial(material),I like to get the knoeledge(knowledge) of the  capability of material ,and its structure , I don’t want to learn other .but to the contrest(contest) ,I have to attend the classes such as Chinese, English, Math and so on .If those knowledge are useless, could our teacher or our school’s leader make us to learn it? It is obvious not. It (is) apparent that these knowledge can make a bridge for us to other specialized field(It is apparent that these knowledge can bridge the gap between compulsory course and other specialized field).Thanks (to) these comman(common/general) knowledge, they can help us work well with others. Collecting many people’s knowledge, and they work together ,the science develop(development)...none of the achievement attribute the success to a single personal knowledge, but the group. When Edison invents the electric light, there are much work of his technician in his lab. when Newton have so many achievements, he said because he standing on the shoulders of giants. this is the successful of education,   helping students gain knowledge about society and science develop ,and cooperation needed, not for individual.
On the other hand ,individual needs and interests maybe negative or bad, such as gambler fond of gambling, drug users want to drug,if our education gain the knowledge of gambling and drug with them,the result is not good.even though their subject and interests are good to our society’s developed ,do you think we have enough source such as teacher and equipment?no,we haven’t,so it can’t speciafically
designed for everyone,only if they have enough money to do this.but who can say that our education block up the
science and society developed? From ancient times ,people retell their knowledge to another,after that,characters appeared,these characters writed down human beings’ achievements,the education make social progress.Not inviduals’progress can promote social development,but mang people’s knowledge can do. Not education will be truly effective
in specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student but for the social development.

修改说明:文章第一段从山顶洞人引出教育的作用;第二段通过自身的学习说明了在学习好自己的课程基础上增加兴趣有很大的好处;第三段说明了学生的一些兴趣可能有不好的,不能一味满足,还有就是教学资源也不可能满足所有学生的兴趣。整体论证还可以。但是语法错误太多,希望写完作文多检查下。前面的语法我都直接标注了,后面的希望II可以自己再检查下,这样后面就不会再犯同样的错误了。

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地板
发表于 2010-11-20 22:50:10 |只看该作者
麻烦两位了。。。我英语基础不好。。见谅啊:handshake

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发表于 2010-11-22 22:21:23 |只看该作者
蜂巢小组 Issue43 by <06ll>
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发表于 2010-11-24 17:10:50 |只看该作者
对不起~~昨天改完忘了上传@@
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发表于 2010-11-24 21:12:33 |只看该作者
[A习作temp]蜂巢小组 A98 by <06ll>
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发表于 2010-11-24 21:23:52 |只看该作者
语法问题真的太多了。。要努力了。。谢谢~~~

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发表于 2010-11-27 11:27:07 |只看该作者
:[i习作temp]蜂巢小组 I36 by <06ll>
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发表于 2010-11-28 13:43:00 |只看该作者
9# liuli15648
02一路走来修改
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paper,英语,帝国

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发表于 2010-11-30 09:03:51 |只看该作者
[i习作temp]蜂巢小组 I208 by <06ll〉
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发表于 2010-11-30 23:34:55 |只看该作者
改好了
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发表于 2010-11-30 23:59:10 |只看该作者
完毕~
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发表于 2010-12-1 18:01:23 |只看该作者
13# shamanqz
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paper,英语,帝国

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发表于 2010-12-4 15:39:01 |只看该作者
issue17~~
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RE: [i习作temp]蜂巢小组 I51 by <06ll> [修改]
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