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本帖最后由 laura88s 于 2011-1-14 10:20 编辑
来得有些晚了,好像我目前的状态传不了附件呢,只好贴在这里了
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?4 V7 J. f, c4 B4 o$ g) ~; U
It is not rare to see that some students who perform
excellent academically (obtained an excellent academic perform) have unbelievable poor((surprisingly poor) relationships with others which
make them incredibly lonely and introversive ( which expose them to an incredibly lonely and introversive state). Obviously, those students who just focus on study instead of developing a strong relationship with their friends, professors are more likely to suffer frustrations. (Obviously, those students are more likely to suffer from frustration, since they just focus on study rather than develop a closer relationship with peoples around them, such as friends, professors etc) As far as I am concerned, to (as for) university students, building a splendid relation with others is more significant than studding hard.
Initially, universities in modern society consist of different people, culture, religion and other indispensable elements. Therefore, if you want to survive in the(去掉the,the comptetion 是对手的意思) fierce competitions, you must get along with others well. Studying hard may help you perform well academically but cannot help you survive in society directly.(establish on the society directly)For example, my Uncle Tom was an outstanding student in the field of mathematics; he always came up with some creative solutions that even make professor surprised.Especially in 2009, he received a gold medal in the mathematics contest of a nation (in a national-wide contest). However, other students accordant (other students, accordantly, disliked…) disliked him because of hisimpersonal manners. He never shared his study experiences with others and showed little interest in group activities. Worse yet, after graduation, Tom even cannot find a job since he didn't understand the importance of cooperation and communication.
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Sequentially, in a plural university (in a university with plural circumstance), we must attach importance to interpersonal relationships, cooperation, and look at issues from the perspective of other people in order to make more friends who can fuel one's success. For instance,if a person wants to be a leader, he has to relate well to other people to make sure that everyone is willing to obey your management. My friend Tony was a CEO in a famous company, he was not an expert in his field, however, he was good at communicate with others and had fantastic teamwork skills. Besides, he was eager to help others and all employees were attracted and motivated by his grate personality. As a result, he made a big difference and became a millionaire." J: h4 m, ]# b
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Taking all these factors into account, interpersonal relations is more important than studying hard. On the one hand, a good relationship with others can help people survive in all kinds of competitions. On the other hand, it can also lead to success and make people more charming.
另外就是感觉看些来的话文章有些单薄,例子和论点之间的逻辑衔接不够严谨,甚至有些逻辑错误(虽然托福不强调这个,但是严谨点应该不至于有错)。还有像是TONY的那个例子可以写得再有血有肉些,比如他通过怎样的沟通手段来达到这个目的,而这些东西光靠学习是不够的。还有就是多考虑增加句式和用词的多样性可能会让文章更出彩,加油~
From,Laura
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