JJohnnyy作文贴

JJohnnyyUID：2991341

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability of writing and reading is less important than before.

When it comes to the ability of writing and reading, which is the essential quality for a person, some people hold the opinion that it is less significant than before. With the development of science and technology, we have a chance to receive and pass messages in a more rapid and efficient way, which can save a plethora of time and energy when we encounter considerable pressure and workload.  In that case messages are tend to be short and concise so that we can obtain them easily. From my point of view, however, it is obviously incorrect that we neglect the writing and reading ability since it is still making a big difference in our career development and daily life.

Initially, it is the writing and reading ability that the crucial factor of career. Take my uncle for instance. Once he applied a burning position which appeals to a wide variety of applicants, among these applicants he was a person who had poor educational background and a deficiency of experience. However, he had a splendid writing and reading ability so that he was accurately understand the requirement and wrote a fantastic application which attracted employers deeply. As a result, he exerted his advantages and received the position successfully, while others with a poor application cannot show their talent by writing. Therefore, the ability of writing and reading can express your idea and exhibit your capacity which makes you appreciated by others.

Sequentially, an excellent aptitude of writing and reading can relieve us from strain and tiring burden. In the modern society, most people have to bear all kinds of stress so that they have no time for entertainment and relaxation. If a person owns the capability of writing and reading, he will have a critical and effective way to release himself. A single example can serve to illustrate the point. I have a brother who is earning around 100 thousand dollars a year in a powerful computer software company. He told me, from his own experience, when he was too exhausted to work, he would read or wrote a poem which could convey his emotions and refreshed him. Sometimes he even picked inspirations from literature that drastically boost his business.

Taking all these factors into account, the faculty of writing and reading is indispensable for us. Only by possessing that talent, can we seize the opportunity we come across and enjoy the joy and satisfaction it brought.

theflyfishUID：2101420

改好了，lz写的不错，学习了。
When it comes to the ability of writing and reading, which is the essential quality for a person, some people hold the opinion that it is less significant than before. With the development of science and technology, we have a chance to receive and pass messages in a more rapid and efficient way, which can save a plethora of time (节省过多的/过剩的时间?) and energy when we encounter considerable pressure and workload.  In that case messages are tend (tend是动词，可以去掉are)to be short and concise so that we can obtain them easily. From my point of view, however, it is obviously incorrect that we neglect the writing and reading ability since it is still making a big difference in our career development and daily life.

Initially, it is the writing and reading ability that the crucial factor of career. (这句如果是强调句的话,那好像少谓语)Take my uncle for instance. Once he applied (applied for) a burning position(可以这么用吗？没查到这种用法) which appeals to a wide variety of applicants, among these applicants he was a person who had(有点啰嗦。改为he had relatively poor educational background and…如何) poor educational background and a deficiency of experience. However, he had a splendid（very good 学习了） writing and reading ability so that he was accurately understand（understood…accurately） the requirement and wrote a fantastic application which attracted employers deeply. As a result, he exerted his advantages and received the position successfully, while others with a poor application cannot show their talent (talents) by writing. Therefore, the ability of writing and reading can express your idea and exhibit your capacity which makes you appreciated by others.

Sequentially, an excellent aptitude (用excellent是否合适？毕竟具有excellent读写能力的人还是少数，对于能力一般的人而言，读写能力是否也能relieve them from strain and tiring burden?)of writing and reading can relieve us from strain and tiring burden. In the modern society (in modern society), most people have to bear all kinds of stress so that they have no time for entertainment and relaxation. If a person owns the capability of writing and reading, he will have a critical and effective way to release himself. A single example can serve to illustrate the point. I have a brother who is earning around 100 thousand dollars a year in a powerful computer software company. He told me, from his own experience, when he was too exhausted to work, he would read or wrote (write)a poem which could convey his emotions and refreshed him. Sometimes he even picked inspirations from (draw/get inspiration from) literature that drastically boost his business.
Taking all these factors into account, the faculty of writing and reading is indispensable for us. Only by possessing that talent, can we seize the opportunity we come across and enjoy the joy and satisfaction it brought.

JJohnnyyUID：2991341

Government should focus more on environment preservation rather than economic development.

It is common that most developing countries in the world consider that the economic development is a top priority while some developed countries which own splendid natural scenery and a wide variety of animals focus more on environment preservation rather than economic development. Obviously, developing countries have such a terrible economic situation so that their governments care more about how to improve economic in order to foster people's life standard. From my point of view, however, a perfectly natural environment is essential to a country which wants to become stronger and more prosperous.

Initially, without a balance eco-system, a nation's economic will encounter a catastrophic effect. Since what the human being depend on is our nature which breeds all kinds of species, if we destroy it, which means that we loss a large number of animals and plants that we rely for existence. A single example can serve to illustrate this point. My hometown is an agricultural town; recently there rose a tendency to eat birds. In that case, more and more people capture birds which feed on harmful insects under the drive of interests. As a result, insects reproduced in an incredible speed and devoured all our crops and kill our flocks and herds since we have few birds to protect us. The imbalance eco-system brings us a considerably financial loss.

Sequentially, it is environment protection, rather than economic development, that is the indispensable element of society for a health and friendly environment will boost our economic drastically. Take Yunnan province, one of the most charming attractions in China, for instance. The local government realized the signicance of protecting environment and build enormous nature reserves. Every year there are millions of tourist who are appealed to its magnificent scene visit and provide the government with a great deal of income. Through the eco-travel, people in Yunnan province have a plenty of job opportunities and obtain a life of happiness.

Taking all these factors into account, probably no ingredient has more influence on a country than environment protection. Only through forbidding the action of damaging nature, can we build a fantastic environment which in favor of our nation as well as its people.

theflyfishUID：2101420

It is common that most developing countries in the world consider that the economic development is a top priority while some developed countries which own splendid natural scenery and a wide variety of animals(应该强调野生动植物。Wildlife?) focus more on environment preservation rather than economic development.(大部分发达国家，即使自然资源丰富，好像也还是更重视经济发展吧) Obviously, developing countries have such a terrible economic situation so（so可以去掉such…that就可以了） that their governments care more about how to improve economic（economic为形容词，改为economy或economic growth/development） in order to foster(boost/enhance用的频率更高点) people's life standard（standard of living能稍地道点）. From my point of view, however, a perfectly（perfect。修饰environment而非natural） natural environment is essential to a country which wants to become stronger and more prosperous.Initially, without a balance (balanced) eco-system, a nation's economic (economy) will encounter a catastrophic effect. Since what the human being （human being指 A member of the genusHomo  and especially of the species，这里用human beings） depend on is our nature which breeds all kinds of species, if we destroy it, which means that we loss (lose) a large number of animals and plants that we rely (rely on) for existence. (上面这句话全是分句，没有主句)A single example can serve to illustrate this point. My hometown is an agricultural town; recently there rose a tendency to eat birds. In that case, more and more people capture birds which feed on harmful insects under the drive of interests. As a result, insects reproduced in an incredible speed and devoured all our crops and kill our flocks and herds since we have few birds to protect us. The imbalance （of） eco-system brings us a considerably (considerable，修饰loss,非financial) financial loss.Sequentially, it is environment protection, rather than economic development, that is the indispensable element of society for (because) a health (healthy) and friendly environment will boost our economic drastically. （这个分论点稍显绝对。在某些例子中，如下文提到的生态旅游，环境保护确实可以促进经济发展。但是，第一，在大部分情况下，环境保护并不能带来经济利益，反而需要大量的投入。第二，生态旅游是否能有效保护环境?毕竟保护野生动物最好的办法是设立自然保护区以确保野生动物免受人类干扰。生态旅游只是一个折中的方案。第三，即使environment protection能boost our economic drastically，也很难说它rather than economic development,比如发展工业，科技等等）Take Yunnan province, one of the most charming attractions in China, for instance (an instance. instance为可数名词). The local government realized the significance of protecting environment and build enormous nature reserves. Every year there are millions of tourist who are appealed to its magnificent scene （to） visit and provide the government with a great deal of income. Through the eco-travel, people in Yunnan province have a plenty of job opportunities and obtain a life of happiness (建议稍婉转一点。通过生态旅游就能让一省人得到一生幸福？).Taking all these factors into account, probably no ingredient has more influence on a country than environment protection. Only through forbidding the action of damaging nature (可以直接用动词短语时，尽量不要用the action of或the fact of等。), can we build a fantastic environment which in favor of our nation as well as its people.（in favor of是副词短语，这个分句没有动词）

JJohnnyyUID：2991341

2.8   我写的是2.7的题目。。。
Some people think one's working is more important than being with one's family.  
When it comes to the dilemma that which one is more important among family and work, which is a lasting burning issue, different people have different standpoints. It is not rare to hear that some people claim that one's working is more significant than being with one's family since they consider the success in career is their only goal of life. However, others hold the opposite viewpoint which I support powerfully that one's family outweighs his work. Because family can not only provide us with a safe and comfortable shelter which can prevent us from outside attack and bring us a plethora of peace and joy, but also facilitate the process of our work.

Initially, those individuals who possess enormous time that allow them being with their family members frequently are more likely to live happily and entertainingly. When we feel exhausted about those complicated and tough jobs, the recreation of accompanying families can easily rejuvenate and relieve us. A single example can serve to illustrate this point. I have a friend who is earning 100 thousand dollars a year in a famous computer software company. He told me that, from his own experience, employers like him who were employed by a considerable powerful company which has a wide variety of drastic competitions have to bear such a heavy burden and pressure so family gatherings are indispensable to them. After a week hard work, he always go to the cinema with his wife and son. By enjoying a great time with families, he will forget all kinds of trouble.

Sequentially, as the pace of life in today's world grows ever faster, we seem forever on the go. With so much to do and so little time to rest, we seem tiredness and have a low efficiency. How are we to cope? From my point of views, being with family member can boost our work. Take my uncle for instance. He is a manager who is in charge of production. Every day he has to cope with abundant tasks so that he wants to give up. When he considers quitting the job, however, he will play with his 3 years old son. If he quit his job, he will have no money to raise his children and afford fee and tuition. Therefore, he will refresh himself and become energetic to finish his job.

Taking all these factors into account, probably no element had more effect on the daily lives of most people in the world than family. Only by accompanying family members, can we enjoy meaningful and recreational lives and reach the peak of career.

WoYaoChiJiTuiUID：2850295

2.8   我写的是2.7的题目。。。
Some people think one's working is more important than being with one's family.  
When it comes to the dilemma that which one is more important among family and work, w ...
JJohnnyy 发表于 2011-2-8 20:40

第一段第一句读起来很费劲啊，意思是很简单，没有必要刻意写长句啊。
关于第三段里的例子叔叔。If he quit his job, he will have no money to raise his children and afford fee and tuition. Therefore, he will refresh himself and become energetic to finish his job
这个，想到儿子算和家人在一起么？而且似乎lz只有一个分论点，就是工作累了和家人在一起可以放松，反过来对工作有好处，二、三两段其实意思基本是一样的。
虽然整体写的很不错，表述什么的都值得学习，但观点上有点单薄了，应该是有影响的。
PS：我没有写这篇，所以修改的意见肯定有偏驳，看着接受吧

sourjuiceUID：2869051

Some people think one's working is more important than being with one's family.  
When it comes to the dilemma that which one is more important among family and work, which is a lasting burning issue,(这个分句有点多余了) different people have different standpoints. It is not rare to hear that some people claim that one's working is more significant than being with one's family since they consider the success in career is their only goal of life. However, others hold the opposite viewpoint which I support powerfully that one's family outweighs his work. Because family can not only provide us with a safe and comfortable shelter which can prevent us from outside attack and bring us a plethora of peace and joy, but also facilitate the process of our work.（最后一句话感觉啰嗦了，which以后的可以简化一下或者省去）
Initially, those individuals who possess enormous time that allow them being with their family members frequently are more likely to live happily and entertainingly. When we feel exhausted about those complicated and tough jobs, the recreation of accompanying families can easily rejuvenate and relieve us. A single example can serve to illustrate this point. I have a friend who is earning 100 thousand dollars a year in a famous computer software company. He told me that, from his own experience, employers like him who were employed by a considerable powerful company which has a wide variety of drastic competitions have to bear such a heavy burden and pressure so family gatherings are indispensable to them. After a week hard work, he always go to the cinema with his wife and son. By enjoying a great time with families, he will forget all kinds of trouble.  
感觉这个例子和这段论点不太合适啊，要不换一个吧。
Sequentially, as the pace of life in today's world grows ever faster, we seem forever on the go. With so much to do and so little time to rest, we seem tiredness and have a low efficiency. How are we to cope? From my point of views, being with family member can boost our work. Take my uncle for instance. He is a manager who is in charge of production. Every day he has to cope with abundant tasks so that he wants to give up. When he considers quitting the job, however, he will play with his 3 years old son. If he quit his job, he will have no money to raise his children and afford fee and tuition. Therefore, he will refresh himself and become energetic to finish his job.

Taking all these factors into account, probably no element had more effect on the daily lives of most people in the world than family. Only by accompanying family members, can we enjoy meaningful and recreational lives and reach the peak of career.
第二个例子说family和work的关系好像不太明显，而且文章中两个观点，也有点少了吧。加油。