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[i习作temp] issue 195 麻烦大家了 [复制链接]

lipingpiggy
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-4-23 10:56:01 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

还没有考作文的人，对于自己写的这么混乱十分担忧，请大家指点下吧~
"Thegoal of politics should not be the pursuit of an ideal, but rather the searchfor common ground and reasonable consensus."
The primary goal of politics is to safeguard the rightand property of ordinary people and sustain the sound function of society. Thesearch for common ground and reasonable consensus is necessary to reach suchgoal. The search for common ground and reasonable consensus is the impetus forthe development of society. And it sustains the function of well-establishedgovernment. The reasonable consensus is not only needs come from the majoritypeople, but also needs to be accord with the laws of nature.

The search for common ground and reasonable consensus isone of the impetuses for the development of society. For example, Americanfounders guided the American War of Independence through search for the commonground and reasonable consensus. American people were long for liberty andequal right as British. They want an independent country instead colony ofBritish. The willing for liberty is also the reasonable consensus among peopleall over the world. So the army of American got not only the support ofAmerican people but also the assistance from international people, such as France.It is the reasonable consensus that provides the common motivation for a bettersociety. The example of antiracism can illustrate the point. The consensus ofracism equal not only inspired the American Civil War but also the motivationfor the independence program in Africa. The racism equal is out from the human’sinterest. It reflects the elevation of civil. the equal right between peoplemotivate people to be dedicated to a larger society. The history has alreadyshowed us that people with different descent, such as Africa-American,Asian-American, have contributed to the development of America. The commonground and reasonable consensus motivate the society advance.

Furthermore, the politics which can’t reach the commonground and reasonable consensus will not last long. It was already or is goingto be torn down. For example, in ancient China, people were long for unite andpeaceful life. The emperor Ying searched for such consensus, so he couldestablish Qin dynasty. However, after the foundation of Qing dynasty, theemperor put aside the consensus and tried to reach a so-called ideal societywith the high concentrated right in the hands of corrupt few. Then Qing dynastylost the support of ordinary people and aristocracy. It existed for only 15years. History is replete with such examples. It also exists in modern society.The ideal for fascist could not find support from majority of people too.Hitler violated the humanity. The way he got and expanded right was not accordto the consensus. So the right he got did not last long. The consensus ofmajority people makes sure the function of politics. Any government which doesnot respect the reasonable consensus will forfeit it leadership at last.

In addition, the goal of politics has to be accord of notonly consensus, but also the Laws of nature. In many times, the ordinary peopledid not receive enough moral and intelligence education, and they lack enoughreliable information to get the right consensus. For example, the attempt toestablish commune has not succeeded yet. The Utopian socialist, such Owen,tried to found commune to alleviate sorrow of workers. Although the willing isout of human’s interest, the Utopian violates the laws of natural, the law ofproductivity. Besides, the consensus of Utopian was so superficial that it can’tencounter impact from outsider. And fascist mislead common people to reach theconsensus they wanted. However, this kind of consensus won’t last long, aspeople will soon realize the real situation. Only the consensus is out of moralcan it last long.

In sum, politics can’t satisfy the desire of all people. Itonly can reach the reasonable consensus. That’s why well-established countryhas sound law system to sustain the function of both individual and wholesociety. And any government should pay high attention to search for thereasonable consensus as it plays a pivotal role on the development of society.
十分谢谢。请狂拍。

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泪雨零铃
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沙发

发表于 2011-4-24 00:28:25 |只看该作者

The primary goal of politics is to safeguard the rightand property of ordinary people and sustain the sound function of society. The search for common ground and reasonable consensus is necessary to reach such goal. The search for common ground and reasonable consensus is the impetus for the development of society. And it sustains the function of well-establishedgovernment. The reasonable consensus is not only needs come from the majoritypeople, but also needs to be accord with the laws of nature[语法有问题].
避而不谈追求ideal的问题，不知道算不算跑题。

The search for common ground and reasonable consensus isone of the impetuses for the development of society. For example, Americanfounders guided the American War of Independence through search for the commonground and reasonable consensus. American people were long for liberty andequal right as British. They want an independent country instead colony of British. The willing for liberty is also the reasonable consensus among peopleall over the world. So the army of American got not only the support ofAmerican people but also the assistance from international people, such as France.It is the reasonable consensus that provides the common motivation for a bettersociety. The example of antiracism can illustrate the point. The consensus ofracism equal not only inspired the American Civil War but also the motivationfor the independence program in Africa. The racism equal is out from the human’sinterest. It reflects the elevation of civil. the equal right between peoplemotivate people to be dedicated to a larger society. The history has alreadyshowed us that people with different descent, such as Africa-American,Asian-American, have contributed to the development of America. The commonground and reasonable consensus motivate the society advance.
主题句有点偏离你的讨论，感觉更多的是在讨论：common ground and resonable consensus is fundamental for a society to develop.

Furthermore, the politics which can’t reach the commonground and reasonable consensus will not last long. It was already or is goingto be torn down. For example, in ancient China, people were long for unite andpeaceful life. The emperor Ying searched for such consensus, so he couldestablish Qin dynasty. However, after the foundation of Qing dynasty, theemperor put aside the consensus and tried to reach a so-called ideal societywith the high concentrated right in the hands of corrupt few. Then Qing dynastylost the support of ordinary people and aristocracy. It existed for only 15years. History is replete with such examples. It also exists in modern society.The ideal for fascist could not find support from majority of people too.Hitler violated the humanity. The way he got and expanded right was not accordto the consensus. So the right he got did not last long. The consensus ofmajority people makes sure the function of politics. Any government which doesnot respect the reasonable consensus will forfeit it leadership at last.
例子很好的和本段的主题连接在一起了，不错！

In addition, the goal of politics has to be accord of notonly consensus, but also the Laws of nature. In many times, the ordinary peopledid not receive enough moral and intelligence education, and they lack enoughreliable information to get the right consensus. For example, the attempt toestablish commune has not succeeded yet. The Utopian socialist, such Owen,tried to found commune to alleviate sorrow of workers. Although the willing isout of human’s interest, the Utopian violates the laws of natural, the law ofproductivity. Besides, the consensus of Utopian was so superficial that it can’tencounter impact from outsider. And fascist mislead common people to reach theconsensus they wanted. However, this kind of consensus won’t last long, aspeople will soon realize the real situation. Only the consensus is out of moralcan it last long.
我觉得这段可以稍微修改一下ts。将论证的中心靠到 The goal of politics should not be the pursuit of an ideal 上，这样能让文章更切题些。

In sum, politics can’t satisfy the desire of all people. Itonly can reach the reasonable consensus. That’s why well-established countryhas sound law system to sustain the function of both individual and wholesociety. And any government should pay high attention to search for thereasonable consensus as it plays a pivotal role on the development of society

虽然不算很perfect，但已经不错了:)

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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lipingpiggy
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板凳

发表于 2011-4-24 13:23:38 |只看该作者

呜呜，以为不会有人摆了。。太感谢了。。我一定吸取经验~

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泪雨零铃
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地板

发表于 2011-4-24 16:31:01 |只看该作者

:handshake

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michaeltsui
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5楼

发表于 2011-4-25 04:12:58 |只看该作者

"The goal of politics should not be the pursuit of an ideal, but rather the search for common ground and reasonable consensus."

The primary goal of politics is to safeguard the right and property of ordinary people and sustain the sound function of society. The search for common ground and reasonable consensus is necessary to reach such goal. The search for common ground and reasonable consensus(出现两遍了。要换个说法) is the(can be an) impetus for the development of society. And(注意，连词，前面必须有东西才行。这里要改成in addition) it sustains the function of (少个冠词)well-established government. The reasonable consensus is not only needs（） come from 【the majority people】(应加个of或者去掉people), but also （少冠词）needs【 to be accord with】（这是啥？）the laws of nature.

The search for common ground and reasonable consensus（哇，第三遍） is one of the impetuses for the development of society（机械地重复上文，像是在凑字数）. For example, American founders guided the 【American】（去掉就行，因为是给美国人看的文章。正如不比对中国人说“中国抗日战争”中的“中国”一样）War of Independence through search for the common ground and reasonable consensus. American people 【were long for】 liberty and equal right as British. They want an independent country 【instead colony of British】（instead of merely a colony of the British）. 【The willing{ness}】 for liberty is also the reasonable consensus among people all over the world. So(注意，连词，前面必须有东西才行。这里要改成therefore) the army of American got not only the support of American people but also 【the assistance from international people, such as France】（病句。France不是一种people。另外，这句话里面people这个词太多了）. It is the reasonable consensus that provides the common motivation for a better society. The example of antiracism can illustrate the point. The consensus of 【racism equal】（不地道）not only inspired the American Civil War but also the motivation for the independence program in Africa. The racism equal（equality） is 【out from】 the human’s interest. It reflects the elevation of civil. The equal right between people 【motivate】（motivates） people 【to be dedicated】（学术性文章中要少用被动语态。另外，这里用的也不对。） to a larger society. The history has already showed us that people with different descent（descendant？）, such as Africa-American, Asian-American, have【contributed to】（made contributions to） the development of America. The common ground and reasonable consensus（第四遍了） motivate 【the society advance】.

Furthermore, the politics（你想说policy？politics是个总称） which can’t reach the common ground and reasonable consensus（第五遍了） will not last long. It was already or is going to be torn down. For example（不要总是用for example）, in ancient China, people 【were long for】 unite and peaceful life. The emperor Ying searched for such consensus, so he could establish [the] Qin dynasty. However, after the foundation of 【Qing】 dynasty, the emperor put aside the consensus and tried to reach a so-called ideal society with the high concentrated right in the hands of corrupt few. Then 【Qing】 dynasty lost the support of ordinary people and aristocracy. It existed for only 15years. History is replete with such examples. It also exists in modern society. The ideal for fascist could not find support from majority of people too. Hitler violated the humanity. The way he got and expanded right was not accord to the consensus. So the right he got did not last long. The consensus of majority people makes sure the function of politics. Any government [,]which does not respect the reasonable consensus will forfeit 【it】 leadership 【at last】（in the end）.

In addition, the goal of politics has to be accord of not only consensus, but also the Laws of nature. In many times, the ordinary people did not receive enough moral and intelligence education, and they lack enough reliable information to get the right consensus. For example, the attempt to establish commune has not succeeded yet. The Utopian socialist, such Owen, tried to found commune to alleviate sorrow of workers. Although the willing is out of human’s interest, the Utopian violates the laws of natural, the law of productivity. Besides, the consensus of Utopian was so superficial that it can’t encounter impact from outsider. And fascist mislead common people to reach the consensus they wanted. However, this kind of consensus won’t last long, as people will soon realize the real situation. Only the consensus is out of moral can it last long.

In sum, politics can’t satisfy the desire of all people. It only can reach the reasonable consensus. That’s why well-established country has sound law system to sustain the function of both individual and whole society. And any government should pay high attention to search for the reasonable consensus as it plays a pivotal role on the development of society.

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