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[未归类] 【作文小组】水果的夏天的作文求修改 [复制链接]

水果的夏天
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电梯直达

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发表于 2012-2-9 10:32:00 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

What are the advantages of living in a big city?
Many People who lived in suburb tend to send their children to school in the centre.At the same time ,people who worked in village search for jobs in the city.why people are flood into city by all means? It is no doubt that in city there must be something attract them .i think three reasons that lift up people’s appetite and the following statment will support my opinion.
Firstly,government always guarantee people’s life in big city in earliest .such as food.in big cities government strictly require to detect whether every ingredients are up to standard. However ,in small cities
or even villages,some governments failed their obligation as administration,ignoring to exam industry by steps .because they think people in small town are lack of knowledge of law or nutrition.if there is something wrong with the food,people would not find or accuse them. Moreover,government always place amount of fund on big cities which present development of the nation.people in big cities benefit from this financial aids.medical system or welfare are more prevalent to put into effect.To some degree,the funding the government provided give many people chance to get more wonderful life ,they not only complete institution,but also make advancement in people’s life.
Secondly,in big city ,the resources are very abundant .traffic like subway,bus,taxi and so on.it is convenient for people to go everywhere.what is more,various restaurants are decided by your favorite, objects in supermarkert are not limited,on boundary between nations with trade.high quailty education are available and students can learn a wide range knowledge from professior.the people around world travel to big and famous cities enable cities cultural diversity.
Thirdly ,people located in big cities have more opportunities to learn new technology and science .the country would bring new technology from other country to conduct experiment in big city firstly.for example,GPS was applied to Beijing when GPS firstly spread to china.some scientists in Beijing began to do research about this new technology and then bring benefit to all country.
In summary.as far as I concerned ,if we are choose better life ,we would stride directly to big cities

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水果的夏天
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沙发

发表于 2012-2-9 10:32:35 |只看该作者

Are parents the best teachers?\
The most important people in our life are Parents.they gave us life and raise us as best as they could. obiviously, we are the person they are concerned about most,but it is not completely true to say that they are the best teachers in our life.
Firstly, children are rebuked by their parents for misbehavior.Punishment is a way for us to learn from our mistakes.but some punishments could cause bad effects.for example,once my cousin went to bar with her friends and cousin did not tell her mother. So ,her mother found she everywhere untill she came out from bar and met her mother.  Immediately her mother hit her on where the road they met and many people went around to see what happened.it is unlucky that her boyfriend watched her and think she is a bad girl ,therefore,he broke up with her .all happens to her are tremendous hurt.i think if the way of punishment were wrong , not only did it bring us negative effects, but also be harmful to our psyche. one of reaserch shows that the hurt in child’s heart did not stop increasing untill they became to an adult that are sensitive,introverted and irascible. However, I believe that they could have taught me the same lesson in another way instead of punishing me for children

   Secondly,not all parents can be the best teacher because some have bad behaviors which will affect young children unconsciously,even though they hope they can devote us their good behaviors. for example, a father,who never wash his feet, think it would infuence his son.but  this habits lead his child form this habit subconsciously .nonetheless,as far as I concerned, he not merely set a passive example for his child,but he failed his obligation as a father as well.
The last but not the least,several parents’selflessness will develop into some kind of cosset. things are supposed to do by children  themselves but all have been done by their parents.it is a distort way to protect children from hurt.if parents constantly provide sources like this,their children would be incapable of everything.therefore,one day the children would be eliminated through natural selection.
In sum,whether parents are best teachers which is decided by what our parents are.some parents are nice,high-educated and wisedom.there is no denying that they will be qualified as a good teacher ,because they know how to educate their children properly.however,some parents ,who never have common sense to guide children ,are not good enough to be a wonderful teacher.

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板凳

发表于 2012-2-9 12:41:41 |只看该作者

针对你的第一篇文章，我仔细看过之后有如下印象：

1. 你的论证很充分，内容详实，可见楼主非常认真地准备了这篇文章的构思。
2. 文章的拼写常有小错误。建议楼主把文章贴到word编辑器中，修改好那些拼写错误。
3. 楼主的词汇量很丰富，然而尚需仔细打磨某些词汇的用法，力求简洁和准确。
4. 句式方面，楼主做得挺好，很丰富多样，赞一个。

加油哦！

已有 1 人评分	声望	收起理由
水果的夏天	+ 2	谢谢呢，不过第二篇好像不行耶，能不能麻烦 ...

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地板

发表于 2012-2-9 12:52:20 |只看该作者

第一篇文章出现的问题，在第二篇文章里面都有出现。

在这个基础上，我提这么一点建议，那就是，希望楼主在写托福作文的时候充分考虑到中美两国的文化差异。因为，给你阅卷打分的，肯定是一个美国人。

以你文章的第一句话为例。在家庭伦理方面，中国人受传统观念影响，会自觉地认为“父母是我们生命中最重要的人，他们赐予我们生命并把我们养大”。然而，美国人可能并不是这么认为的。他们生命中最重要的人，未必是父母亲；他们仅仅是通过父母亲的身体来到了这个世界。因此，楼主的语气十分肯定的头几句话，很可能让他们看得不是那么舒服，因为世界是多元的。

此外，你文章中还用到一个例子，一个女孩去酒吧，被母亲发现，当街训斥。在美国人看来，这种事情很absurd甚至disgusting，完全不可采纳。他们可能会自觉地认为，这个母亲是一个疯子。因为，她不仅干涉女儿的生活，而且在众人面前让她失去自尊。

所以，我个人认为，在阐明一些问题时候，一定要考虑到文化差异。对于某些有文化差异的议题，力求从普世价值的角度去阐述。