[i习作temp] Issue 52 新手习作，求指导，求分析 [复制链接]

水滴石穿k
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-4-27 22:59:44 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

教育最好的方法就是赞扬积极的行为，无视消极的行为。
（本人第二篇Issue习作，希麻烦大家指点下看看有什么问题）

It's true and natural that all educates prefer praises for their positive actions than critiques and admonishment for their negative ones. Consequently, one of the best ways to teach is to praise positive actions. But educators should no ignore negative ones.

On the one hand, positive praises encourage the students to overcome the difficulties and pursue a higher level of their life. For example, Dale Carnegie's experience proves it. Dale Carnegie was born in a poor family; he was often teased by his classmates. But his mother thought his son was clever and encouraged him to study harder. He took the speech contest but failed for his lack of talent for speech skills. He was frustrated and went home. His mother read everything on his face, she told Carnegie that he had already done well and it was because his lack of experience that resulted in the failure. She encouraged him to believe that he would make a great progress after practicing and with hard work he would finally achieve the success. Carnegie followed his mother's advice, he tried again and again. After 12 failures, he ultimately made it. And he become one of the world-famous persons. His experiences encourage all the young to strive for their dreams. Besides that, praising positive actions will arouse students' interest. With great interest, it is easier for a student to study well. In addition, the praise will encourage those who have not been praised to behave more actively and keep in pace with those being praised by teachers. Therefore it is a wise choice to praise positive actions.

On the other hand, someone claim that the critiques are not easily accepted both emotionally and realistically, especially when such critiques happened right before other group members. This unwillingness is sure to result in negative reactions and sometimes students are even reluctant to listen to educators any more. And they automatically assume that teachers should ignore negative ones. However, they obviously overlook other positive effects, more than negative, that will conductive to a student's study. As a Chinese old saying goes; bitter medicine cures sickness; unpalatable advice benefits conduct. Critique is the same as unpalatable advice. From the critique, one will know what he has done is wrong and correct it. It will also help those students who are not study willingly understand the right way to study better. All these have positive influences on the students.

To sum up, I believe it is a right way to teach by praising positive actions. But we should not ignore negative ones; on the contrary, we should critic the negative actions and lead them to the correct way.

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水蜜桃tb
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沙发

发表于 2012-4-28 00:48:15 |只看该作者

[非专业友情点评]第二篇习作，不错，结构很清晰：两个方面分明，首尾呼应。

我觉得详略和轻重还要更分明一点。
1.表扬那一段，Carnegie的例子占太多篇幅（全段二分之一），可以简化一点，强调表扬的作用，无关的叙述都可以砍掉。而后面的Besides和In addtion分别提出一个论点却没有展开说明。
2.批评那一段，前面让步占太多篇幅（全段二分之一），从However才开始说为什么不应该ignore negative.
我的建议是开始写文章时就把每段框架（主要论点）列出来，在写具体内容时时刻围绕本段论点，发现写远了、写偏了马上纠正回来。

更精准的评析还看版主和大神。