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[i习作temp] Issue 50/150 求修改，必回改，互帮互助！【已批改 by 众版友】 [复制链接]

ReFormK
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-4-18 21:57:05 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 okqishi 于 2012-5-7 21:51 编辑

Government officials should rely on theirown judgment rather than unquestioningly carry out the will of the people theyserve.
政府官员应该有自己的判断力，而不应该盲目地依从人民的意愿。

In general, I agree with the assertion thatgovernment officials should depend on their own judgment when faced withsignificant problems; for the reason that government officials are alwaysinsightful than ordinary populace. However, any decision made must based on thedemocratic principle

The first reason for myagreement lies on the statement that government officials are mostly theoutstanding group in society especially policy makers. Since compared withordinary people, they educated more just like why many American presidents suchas Barack Obama and George Bush are graduated from Harvard or Yale University andmany years administrative experience make them more experienced. For thesereason, they possess more acute judgment and long-sighted than ordinary people.Due to these prominent attributes shorted from common people, they would keep soberin the face of difficulty and then make optimal policy. For example when allthe Americans even the whole world lost in the depression of finance, it is PresidentRoosevelt’ s New Policy successfully brought American out of the Depression. Therefore,we have enough reasons to believe that these persons are able to make wisdom decisionwhen their country faced with enormous difficulties.

The other reason for myviewpoint is sometimes the short-sight of ordinary people. While we first must complywith the principle that our government officials should be democratic in anytime but we, on the other hand, should notice that our populace alwaysadvocates their thoughts based on enthusiasm, individual benefits and neglectthe long-term effect. For instance, China's communism from capitalism in 1949which due to the demagoguery by China communist party that Chinese people couldgain democracy and freedom only after overturning capitalism government andAmerica's late participation in World War II after assault of Pearl Harbor byJapanese army intensely substantiate this point. This is the reason thatordinary people are sometimes short-sighted.

On the other hand, anyonecannot deny that democracy is the common value in the world; at the meantimeour government are chose to serve common people, thus government leader mustalways listen to their populace's voice and suggestions instead of becoming aarbiter like Sadam or Mubarak who was overthrew by their people at last. Afterall, political leader is just making decision substitute for ordinary people onthe their common will.

In sum, on the basis thatpolitical leaders can obey the principle of democracy, he or she can rely onhis own judgment rather than the will of people they serve. After all, ourleaders are almost well-intended and high-educated than ordinary people.

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lixiaoying15
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沙发

发表于 2012-4-21 22:56:01 |只看该作者

真心建議你在修改詞句語法前，重新思考一下這個topic，審視一下你的論述理由。
你贊同這個statement的首要理由竟然是政府官員比普通人受教育程度高因此更有遠見和決斷力，即便有一定道理，你也完全沒有分析在甚麼情況下官員應發揮自己的判斷力，甚麼情況應採納民主。第二段的理由可看作是第一段的延伸，民眾往往短視，如果要你解釋為甚麼，你可能又要繞回去說因為民眾受教育程度低。後面緊接著兩個例子很難理解為是民眾短視的結果，你要知道舉的例子並不會因為你強調一句intensely substantiate this point，就真的有力地證明了你的觀點。
我認為你可以從分析government及其officials的職責功能入手，首先他們都是民眾推選出來更好運行社會服務民眾的，是要serve people的，但不是unquestioningly, 而是with careful consideration, 理由是，第一，民眾分成許多群體，每個群體都是利己的，各自申張自己的訴求，可不同訴求常常會有所衝突，此時官員不可能既滿足這個又滿足那個，這就要求他們必須運用自己的判斷力來做出較公正的決定。比如說美國這幾年一直在嘗試醫療改革，民眾中有很多人贊同也有很多人反對，在權衡不同意見之後，做出決定的還是政府官員。其二，當民眾素質还很低，要求不合理，短視，衝動，政府官員就不能聽之任之，比如美國獨立戰爭後經濟困頓，羅德島的農民於是要求大量增發貨幣，導致貨幣嚴重貶值，擾亂了金融秩序。所以美國建國初期，實行的是“精英治國”，並不直接執行民意，因此也避免了法國大革命民眾直接參與而引發的種種悲劇。

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ReFormK
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板凳

发表于 2012-4-26 10:23:48 |只看该作者

2# lixiaoying15
嗯，你分析的确实很到位，我是从政治家和普通民众的特点出发来写的，但是论述得确实太宽泛，立意也太浅了，没有进行深入的挖掘，从你给出的几个例子和对其分析来看我觉得你挺厉害的，能弱弱的问问背景吗

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zhouyue0223
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地板

发表于 2012-4-27 09:34:45 |只看该作者

文章结构分析和topic上我就不说了，感觉沙发上的大侠分析得很透彻！但是我觉得你为什么不持中立的态度呢，个人感觉那样比较好些吧（个人感觉哦）
语句上我要向你学习，感觉你遣词造句都很少重复，变化也很多。。

好G友

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loly_he
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5楼

发表于 2012-4-27 23:02:24 |只看该作者

同意，沙发大侠说的好
个人觉得，第二段和第一段在角度上有雷同，可能会导致整篇文章广度不够，第三段可以再叙述的丰满一点。
另外，第二段的论证感觉不是很完整，重点放在了证明民众短视上，其实可以把重点放在：民众短视的情况下，政府完全听从民众可能带来的恶果，这样更有说服力。

回拍一下哈~~~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1775925780

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