[习作点评] 求点评求改正求拍砖！Issue全国课表第六题！ [复制链接]

墟里烟
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电梯直达

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发表于 2012-10-10 19:10:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college
Writea response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position
The arguer says that students should be asked to learn the same courses until they go to college all over the country,which I could not agree with him.Taking a national courses may have some kinds of advantages.For one thing,this policy would ensure that all the students learn all basis courses before they go to college,like mathematics,literature and so on,which are useful for their both further-studying and lifelong livings.As common sense tells us,a lot of students may have different good-at-courses,for instance,some are good at science and logic,some others are totally sick with these courses,instead,they enjoy literature or aesthetics.It is surely a beneficial way to make sure all the students find out what they are really good at.For another thing,in this way,it can also show people around the nation that education is equal for everyone no matter you are smart or dull,rich or poor.
However,there are some circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would not be advantageous,which I hold the opinion that they are more important and reasonable.
First of all,as I suggested above,different student has different interest.Making them study what they have no idea with forcefully may harm their talent,which would lead to a worse consequence we have ever think of.There is one person we may all know about,the most famous detective around the world,Sherlock Holmes,who is named as the most intelligent person in the world.Even though,Sherlock do know nothing about in some areas like literature,and even the areas he know something about are only foot on the parts that are useful for detecting.We may have an imagine in our mind,what if pushed Sherlock to learn these he did not have interests on,would we have this greatest detective now?
Secondly,even though I can be persuaded that it is advantageous to make a national curriculum,could it really be adopted successfully?As we all know that different region in America has different financial condition.We can not make every region government give equal money support for education,that is to say,students over the nation can not study at the same financial condition.However,even though federal government can put out a policy to make every student has the same financial support,we still can not ensure every teacher give the lessons in same quality.Every person has different interest,which is back to what we talked before,every teacher has different areas they are good at and have different methods they give lecture,furthermore,they have different character and even appearance is also an important role that be played in the receive level among students.
To make a conclusion,I do have an idea that this recommendation would not take effect as what the education department want.It depends on specific circumstances,requiring all of the students to share all the way same courses is absolutely difficult and unbeneficial.However,some policies may help to accomplish what the educators hope to get.Educator could provide some kinds of basic courses that recommend schools to give to their students,while schools could also give lectures they define useful.At the same time,students may have some kinds of rights to determine what courses they would like to take or not,which will be pretty fine to determine under direction by teachers.

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Basilisk
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沙发

发表于 2012-10-11 05:15:31 |只看该作者

段中间空一行好不。。。
开头段就包含议论了？虽然某6分文有点这个倾向但还是不推荐。
护耳摩丝童鞋是虚构人物，虽然你的分析有道理，但作为例子觉得不太合适。
a worse consequence we have ever think of。。。避免太vague的claim。我之前举过例子了，什么golden era。。。
even though I can be persuaded这让步太大了吧。
主体部分好像有些短？把你开头部分分离出来一个论点吧。

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墟里烟
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板凳

发表于 2012-10-11 18:01:29 |只看该作者

Basilisk 发表于 2012-10-11 05:15
段中间空一行好不。。。
开头段就包含议论了？虽然某6分文有点这个倾向但还是不推荐。
护耳摩丝童鞋是虚构 ...

thx a lot ~~
空行那个问题，因为我是第一次发帖所以木有经验，发出来就意识到不好看了╮(╯﹏╰）╭
关于开头的问题，我一直有点困惑，就是开头如果表达我赞同的观点的话，那总要说一两句原因，那么接下来的段落讨论中还能不能再用第一段中用过的点啊？

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tangxulong
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地板

发表于 2012-10-11 20:33:17 |只看该作者

Sherlock Holmes是一个虚构的侦探人物，是由19世纪末的英国侦探小说家阿瑟·柯南·道尔所塑造的一个才华横溢的侦探形象。如前，感觉虚拟的不大好

另外你的support elements第一点是interest不同，第二点是资金不同，即使资金不同，然后又转向了interest不同了所以感觉支撑的部分可以再丰富一点

总体是挺好的

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