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[备考小组] 第一次打ISSUE。。求大神讲解。issue105 [复制链接]

eightmile8mile
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电梯直达

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发表于 2013-6-6 15:58:43 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

The author claims that imagination is a more valuable asset than experience because experience build up a constraint on imagination. In my opinion, the idea is incorrect since experience is more important than imagination. Although imagination can create something that we don't have, but without experience, there will be no valuable imagination.
  Admittedly, sometimes imagination can promote the course's development, such as music, painting and other subjects about art. They need imagination to creat new art works, and most masterpiece is based on the artist's imagination. Picasso is a master in art with lots of beautiful pieces, and he image creatively his paintings. The art need to break the limit from the old, so they need imagination.
  But imaging without enough experience is insignificant. The imagination which truly encourage the course and subject must be based on full experience about subject and the imagination which not combine with the experience always deviate from the course or be a fantasy.
  For example, the major I take in the university is Landscape Architecture, when we are in the university, we take the course called Landscape Design which we have to learn how to design a landscape like a park or a plaza. We usually take the imagination in our work and design it with whatever we like. But our teacher think our work is so terrible that can only stay on the paper or computer because there are so many mistakes in our design, such as we set a palm tree in the field which its height is 50m tall. But there is no palm tree which is 50 meter tall or there may be some but it is hard to move.
  What make our work unrealistic? We have enough imagination but we just a rookie in our major, so what we lack is experience.
  In our major, most masters are 30-40 year's old. They graduate when they are 23, and 10-years working in the company or design studio. Not only in our landscape architecture, but also in every course. Musician can not make a virtuoso when he has learned music for 1 year. So imagination must be based on enough experience so that it can really help one's major.
  Some people may say the experience may limit one's imagination. But from my point of view, experience will not constraint one to image in his profession. On the contrary, experience can help people to image in the right way and finally make a contribution to his subject.
  In summary, experience and imagination are both significant in the subject's development. But abundant experience is more important. It build a way for imagination, with it the imagination will not fall into a dilemma called fantasy.
  Without experience, we can hardly make a contribution only with im

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eightmile8mile
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沙发

发表于 2013-6-6 15:59:22 |只看该作者

我是第一次写。。希望有人帮我看看。基础不好，欢迎各种拍砖啊。。

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v_apor
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板凳

发表于 2013-6-6 19:35:17 |只看该作者

你的这一篇，没有题目，没有Instruction,文章的段落没分好，有点乱；
如果重新编辑下，加上这些，相信会有高人指点你的~~

还有就是练手的话可以去参加作文小组~~
或者这个帖子：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1496041-1-1.html
的临时小组~~具体情况可以问版主~

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foamfly
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地板

发表于 2013-6-8 09:12:05 |只看该作者

帮你改了下，没怎么看语法，主要看了结构上的问题。
你可以参加作文互改小组，和别人一起互改作文。
还有就是以后发作文不要直接贴在帖子里，用doc文件作附件，这样也方便别人看。

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泠泠曲罢
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发表于 2013-6-8 09:51:02 |只看该作者

foamfly 发表于 2013-6-8 09:12
帮你改了下，没怎么看语法，主要看了结构上的问题。
你可以参加作文互改小组，和别人一起互改作文。
还有 ...

你不是今天考试？

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foamfly
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发表于 2013-6-8 11:28:05 |只看该作者

泠泠曲罢发表于 2013-6-8 09:51
你不是今天考试？

晚上考。。早上上来逛了一圈顺便改。。。一直看代码需要换换脑子

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泠泠曲罢
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发表于 2013-6-8 12:11:50 |只看该作者

foamfly 发表于 2013-6-8 11:28
晚上考。。早上上来逛了一圈顺便改。。。一直看代码需要换换脑子

勤劳的小蜜蜂！

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Satiephilia
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发表于 2013-6-12 23:17:36 |只看该作者

主要有几个问题。。。
1、语法错误比较多，比如说从句的应用，里面有出现say后面直接加句子这样的问题，还有limits from old，old是形容词，可以改成cliche
2、词语运用比较重复，可能会给人造成词汇量不多的感觉。。第一段里面Imagination用的好多，可以考虑多用几个相似的词比如ability of imaging,或者the capability of thinking without limits等等，或者除了名词以外多用动词进行替代
3、感觉例子说的不是很有说服力，因为根据你的思路实际上说很多专业只能学习经验与实际操作，但是你的论点在于学习经验与想象力的关系，特别是有一段说道你们学校硕士大概都多少岁，这个实际上不能证明经验越多想象力越丰富
4、感觉逻辑不是非常清楚，可以考虑一段论述+例子，而不是分开来写。可以一个段落专门证明一句话，这样子结构更加清楚
5、首尾冲突了、、、第一段你说不同意作者观点，应该经验更加重要，但是你最后结论却是想象力和经验一样重要。。。
第一次写都很难的，可以看看模板有一个参考然后再尝试。。加油！

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