[a习作temp] argument 字数以及论证求拍 [复制链接]

xiaoyulanlan
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发表于 2013-10-15 11:59:18 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 xiaoyulanlan 于 2013-10-15 12:08 编辑

是不是应该把这个帖发到作文版呢先发到这里～如果不合要求版大跟我说一声我就挪走了～
今天练习了一下argu 发现只写了305个字。。可是我觉得自己的论证逻辑还比较完备。所以还是要求400个字么？请大家告诉我下还可以写啥在我已经写的基础上。求拍，最好把我拍死。

Workers in the small town of Leeville take fewer sick days than workers in the large city of Masonton, 50 miles away. Moreover, relative to population size, the diagnosis of stress-related illness is proportionally much lower in Leeville than in Masonton. According to the Leeville Chamber of Commerce, these facts can be attributed to the health benefits of the relatively relaxed pace of life in Leeville.
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

以下：
The author provide a plausible explanation for the fact that the workers in Leeville take fewer sick days and the diagnosis of stress-related illness in Leevile is proportionally lower comparing to the situation in Masonton. The health condition can related (relate) to life pace to some extent. However, the author failed to consider other possibilities for these facts.

Firstly, the fewer sick days does not necessarily represent the better health situation of the workers. Some people take sick day for other reasons, like the workers in Leeville are(were) too lazy to finish their work normally or simply the factories in Masonton allowed more sick days off a month. Without more clear analysis of the reasons for the sick days, we could not relate the number of sick days to the health condition of the workers.

Secondly, the diagnosis of stress-related illness could attribute to the quality of the medical system, the constitution of the population in the town besides the life condition. If the population in Leeville mainly consists of the old people, who have retired and without much life pressure while the population in Masonton consists of mainly young people, who are struggling for better life condition, the propotion (proportion) of stress-related illness is no doubt much higher in Masoton than that in Leeville. Besides, the poor diagnosis quality in Leeville comparing to that in Masoton may also contribute to the lower diagnosis of stress-related illness in Leville.

Even if the two facts above can truly represent the health condition of the people in the two towns, that is the worker is stronger and the population health condition is better in Leeville than that in Masoton, we cannot contribute all these benefits to the life pace. Other life conditions, such as exercises, living environment, social welfares can all contribute the better health condition in a town.

[a习作temp] argument 字数 以及论证 求拍 [复制链接]

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[a习作temp] argument 字数以及论证求拍 [复制链接]