[备考小组] Argument 65 provide more seating to increase popularity of Stanley Park [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2015-1-6 22:29:51 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

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王老师好，我今天又写了一个大纲，请将其链接加入argument练习帖目录中，顺便点评一下，多谢！

1 抄题
65. When Stanley Park first opened, it was the largest, most heavily used public park in town. It is still the largest park, but it is no longer heavily used. Video cameras mounted in the park's parking lots last month revealed the park's drop in popularity: the recordings showed an average of only 50 cars per day. In contrast, tiny Carlton Park in the heart of the business district is visited by more than 150 people on a typical weekday. An obvious difference is that Carlton Park, unlike Stanley Park, provides ample seating. Thus, if Stanley Park is ever to be as popular with our citizens as Carlton Park, the town will obviously need to provide more benches, thereby converting some of the unused open areas into spaces suitable for socializing.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

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沙发

发表于 2015-1-6 22:30:24 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-1-7 00:10 编辑

2 列出argument的结论和主要证据
claim或结论：When Stanley Park first opened, it was the largest, most heavily used public park in town. It is still the largest park, but it is no longer heavily used. Thus, if Stanley Park is ever to be as popular with our citizens as Carlton Park, the town will obviously need to provide more benches, thereby converting some of the unused open areas into spaces suitable for socializing.

When Stanley Park first opened, it was the largest, most heavily used public park in town. It is still the largest park, but it is no longer heavily used. 这句话一部分是事实，另一部分是基于后面一些事实的判断但并不是最终结论的一部分

证据01 Video cameras mounted in the park's parking lots last month revealed the park's drop in popularity: the recordings showed an average of only 50 cars per day.
证据02 In contrast, tiny Carlton Park in the heart of the business district is visited by more than 150 people on a typical weekday.
证据03 An obvious difference is that Carlton Park, unlike Stanley Park, provides ample seating.

3 写第一段
TS (pt1, pt2, pt3): The author concludes that the Stanley Park is no longer very popular and suggests that the town should offer more benches on the spare ground of Stanley Park in order to allow its popularity to catch up with that of Carlton Park. To corroborate her conclusion and advice, she mainly cites the recordings of the Stanley Park’s parking lots video cameras last month, the report of the number of people visiting the Carlton Park and the information about seating in Carlton Park. However, the dwellers of this town should scrutinize the explicit and implicit postulations of the argument in order to decide whether they should believe the conclusion and accept the advice.

4. 写出中间段的主题句（英语）用汉语解释主要讨论的点
中间第一段
ts (pt1): In the first place, the author assume that the only way in which the residents of the town visit the Stanley Park is driving and merely one or two persons sit in each car. 作者认为所有到Stanley Park的游客都是自己开车而来，而且每车里只有一两人，那么每天总人数就只有50到100人，当然不及Carlton Park的150人。那么作者的结论就有可能成立了。但是，自己开车到Stanley Park不一定是人们到那里游玩的唯一方式。有可能人们步行、坐巴士、赶计程车到Stanley Park，而停车场的监控录像没有拍到这些人，其实这些人的数量早就超过150了。就算人们只通过自己开车到Stanley Park，一辆车上不一定只有一二人，也许有三四人，那么每天就有150到200人造访Stanley Park，它还是比Carlton Park更受欢迎，因此根本就不用执行作者的建议。

建议你写汉语展开的时候不必写这么详细最好能分点来写

中间第二段
ts (pt2): Even if less than 150 people went to the Stanley Park just by driving, the next supposition that the result of last month can represent the situation of whole year necessitates examination. 要是上个月的结果可以代表全年的情况，那么作者的结论成立，建议可行。但有可能上月是冬季，而处于市中心的Carlton Park比Stanley Park更暖和，所以去那里的人就比较多。而到了春暖花开的时节，说不定Stanley Park的游客数又上去了呢。因此市民不宜草率行事，应该多观察几个月再决定是否推行作者建议的方案。

中间第三段
ts (pt3): Thirdly, the author presupposes it is the plentiful seating that attracts more visitors to the Carlton Park instead of any other reason.作者还假设正是充足的座位吸引了更多的游客到Carlton Park，要是果真如此，那么为Stanley Park提供更多的座位不失为一个增加游客量的好主意。然而正如作者所提到的，Carlton Park地处商业中心，那里的人流量本来就很大，也许这正是它比Stanley Park拥有更多游客的原因。如此一来，作者的建议就不一定有用了。

中间第四段
ts (pt4): Lastly, the writer implies that the excursionists prefer sitting and socializing with friends in the Stanley Park to any other usage and hence to increase the number of seats which occupy the unused open areas is the only effectively way to promote the popularity of Stanley Park.倘若游客真的喜欢在Stanley Park坐着与朋友聊天的话，那么作者的建议就是有效的。但是如果游客恰恰喜欢在Stanley Park的空地上做跑步、打球等运动的话，那么执行作者的建议就会起反作用，导致更少的游客到来。

我觉得这个提纲写得不错可以试下写全文最好能限时在25-28分钟

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板凳

发表于 2015-1-11 00:48:36 |只看该作者

回答王老师的问题

我写这篇的时候注意哪些问题和我以前写的有什么不同，或者说我以前遇到哪些问题或困难，我现在是如何处理的？

一.写这次作文的时候，对于段落结构，我参考“[备考小组] argument范文动作分析示范”这篇帖子里王老师所教的，在写开头段的时候，严格完成以下两个动作：
1 概括原题中的主要结论
2 指出需要检查假设从而评价论证

在写中间段的时候，又严格完成以下六个动作：
1 提出其中一个假设是某种归因
2 指出有其他可能的原因
3 指出其中一种可能性
4 指出另一种可能性
5 指出如果是以上的可能性就需要做什么
6 指出如果假设不成立提出的建议也没有帮助

所以写出段落更能回答题目所问的问题。

二. 对于词语的搭配，我用王老师推荐的CORPUS OF CONTEMPORARY AMERICAN ENGLISH，把拿不准的词汇搭配都输入进去，检查是否合适，而后把GRE写作常用的单词，如assumption, evidence等都输入，进去，看它们到底经常和哪些词汇搭配，改掉了原来想当然用词的坏毛病。

三. 过去我由于看了不少老G写作的参考书，所以养成了一上来就假设作者的论证不成立，然后指出其有哪些flaws。在王老师的指导下，我现在改变了写作的出发点，按照新G的题目要求，探讨在什么情况下作者论证成立，什么时候不成立。

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