[i习作temp] issue114 技术进步之人类我的第一篇一个下午加半个晚上,欢迎拍砖 [复制链接]

foreverloves
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电梯直达

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发表于 2004-11-11 22:29:57 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is nobetter. War, violence, and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity. 【114】
人类在过去的一百年左右止步不前。技术在不断进步而人类的整体条件却没有改善。
战争、暴力和贫困仍然困扰着我们。技术无法改变人类的处境。

With the great force of the science and technology, our society rush to a new century, Although war, violence and poverty are still with us, we can indeed feel the whole condition of our life has changed a lot .we are leading a more ease, more comfortable life than ever. Surely, technology plays an important role in changing the condition of humanity, which can not be undermined by the presence of the war, violence and poverty.

   The whole world are pushed by the technological innovation. by carefully examing the human history ,We  can easily discover that the feature of our human life has changed a lot. 100 years ago, we envied the birds for they could freely fly in the sky. But now, we can fly to any place we want to go to in this planet by plane. someone even landed on the moon.100 years ago, communication means no more than a face to face talk. But now, we can get in touch with anybody at any place at any time by modern telecommunication  system. we can not only exchange mind with mouth and tongue, but also fingers. Through typing on the keyboard of a  computer, we "chat" happily with the people from all of the world.100 years ago ,people suffer from the wound infection while now penicillin is no more expensive than just a breakfast. all the above examples reveal that  our life condition is becoming better and better. but how these great changes come about? can these come true without the technological innovations?  it is no doubt that with technology and only with technology can we have a better life.

   it is argued that the war ,violence and poverty are still with us .however, the existence of them is due to the innate properties of human beings ,not the fault of technology. in addition, it is just due to  the technology that the amount of the evil things(war, violence and poverty) have been greatly reduced .As we know, the humane society is a complex one and full of competition. each individual in it has to struggle hard to survive ,in the process of seeking  their own benefit, war ,violence and poverty are inevitable. it has nothing to do with technology. further more, if eveybody's legal demand is satisfied  through the great wealth that the technology innovation provided, will they still have the interest and take the risk to start a war or commit a violence deed ? of course they will not. and the 50 years’ relatively peaceful development of our society after the second world war indicate the reduction trends which owe a lot to the third technological innovation.

   in sum.，the technology is the main  factor of the advancement of our society and will continuously affect all aspects of our lives. though war, violence and poverty still exist, it could not provided as an evidence that technology is totally useless in changing our condition of life

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pooh
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沙发

发表于 2004-11-11 23:35:07 |只看该作者

格式和语法上错误不少，三四段句首都没有大写。时态的问题，单复数的问题都有。自己贴到word里面检查一下。

这篇文章总的来说还算比较流畅，第二段的例子都不错，但是第三段的论证不充分，逻辑混乱。你既然说war, violence, poverty是人的本性，与技术无关，那么后面又怎么能得出技术可以消除war..的结论呢。
further more, if eveybody's legal demand is satisfied through the great wealth that the technology innovation provided, will they still have the interest and take the risk to start a war or commit a violence deed ? of course they will not
legal demand被satisfied，就没有evil了吗？人还有illegal demand & desire呢

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foreverloves
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板凳

发表于 2004-11-12 21:34:27 |只看该作者

谢谢斑竹费心

谢谢斑竹费心,我是在WORD检查了以后再贴到这里的,因为当时比较急,考虑到大概不会影响理解,大小写就没改,第3段确实有问题,回头我修改一下,再贴过来吧,我现在关心的是有没有跑题,语言上的锤炼是需要进一步加强的,再次表示感谢

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foreverloves
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地板

发表于 2004-11-13 10:24:17 |只看该作者

欢迎继续拍砖，谢谢

With the great force of the science and technology, our society rush to a new century. Although war, violence and poverty are still with us, we can indeed feel the whole condition of our life has changed a lot .We are leading a more ease, more comfortable life than ever. Surely, technology plays an important role in changing the condition of humanity, which can not be undermined by the presence of the war, violence and poverty.

   The whole world is pushed by the technological innovation. By carefully examing the human history, we can easily discover that the feature of our human life has changed a lot. 100 years ago, we envied the birds for they could freely fly in the sky. But now, we can fly to any place we want to go to in this planet by plane. Someone even landed on the moon.100 years ago, communication means no more than a face to face talk. But now, we can get in touch with anybody at any place at any time by modern telecommunication system. We can not only exchange mind with mouth and tongue, but also fingers. Through typing on the keyboard of a computer, we "chat" happily with the people from all of the world.100 years ago, people suffer from the wound infection while now penicillin is no more expensive than just a breakfast. All the above examples reveal that our life condition is becoming better and better. But how these great changes come about? Can these come true without the technological innovations?  It is no doubt that with technology and only with technology can we have a better life.

   it is argued that the war ,violence and poverty are still with us .however, the existence of them is due to the innate properties of human beings ,not the fault of technology. As we know, the humane society is a complex one and full of competition. Each individual in it has to struggle hard to survive, in the process of seeking their own benefit, war, violence and poverty are inevitable. It has nothing to do with technology. For example, the Gulf War that happened in 1991 is a tremendous disaster to the humankind, the cause of which totally rooted from the personal ambition of Sadam Hussein.

In addition, technology helps to reduce war, violence and poverty. Technology innovation provides more job chances, more food, more wealth that can be taken advantage of to increase the income of poor families, thus enhance society stability from which many local wars and conflicts result. At present throughout the word a great number of strikes take place every year. If the poor strikers’ demands for a higher payment were satisfied. They actually would not take the risk to confront the government.（这个虚拟语气用的对否，该如何修改？？谢谢）

   In sum.，the technology is still the main  factor of the advancement of our society and will continuously affect all aspects of our lives.Though war, violence and poverty still exist, it could not provided as an evidence that technology is totally useless in changing our condition of life

修改了一下，把第三段拆成2段，一段写war, violence and poverty has nothing to do with technology innovation 一段写technology innovation 反而可以降低 war violence and poverty
感觉例子还是不太恰当，逻辑上并不是很畅通，但是想的头都晕了，有没有更好的例子呢？这个第一篇快花了一整天了

欢迎继续拍砖，谢谢

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