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[i习作temp] Issue83 荒芜地区是否应该保留，写得有点痛苦！欢迎砸转！(修改版) [复制链接]

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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-7-17 11:23:35 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

我见青山多妩媚，
料青山
见我应如是

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ardorous
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沙发

发表于 2005-7-17 13:53:52 |只看该作者

仅做参考，请也帮我看一下

Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.
------正文------
As human history is a history to conquer and develop new world, it is easily tempting to disagree (with)the speaker. However, from some other aspects, such as environmental preservation and the choice right(直接用choice or right or option 这是选择权吧) of the minorities, to some extent the speaker’s claim has special meanings. （specific 好象要好些，因为你强调的是other meanings , special 特殊的好象不是很好）

For one thing, whether the preservation of wilderness areas could be beneficial to environment depends on their own geological characteristics. On the one hand, some wastelands actually have little to do with the improvement of environment, such as deserts and Salinas . If developed rather than left in their natural state, these areas may bring more benefits than one can imagine. For instance, Lasvigas, just a desert without people before exploiture（exploitation）, became a world-famous entertainment area and its prosperous(prosperity) and golden sight(scene) makes(make) ones there forget they are in the desert, while the consequent economic profits makes the city a miracle( “of the desert” delete). On the other hand, only developing wilderness areas for economic benefit(s) blindly may be harmful to the environment. Lots of the wilderness areas function as the accommodator of the environment, excessive development(exploitation, opening) of such areas may exert influence on the global climate and finally do harm to the environment. For instance, the exploitation of the rain forest is a catastrophe to all the humans in the world, since rain forest is the most important modulator of the global climate and the destroy(destruction )of it caused by the exploitation makes the global precipitation deviant to the normal situation. An effective government should realize the two different situations above and make the correct decision.

For another thing, whether to preserve some wilderness areas has some relevance to the sensation of people who live there even they are only a few. On the one hand, some people in the wilderness areas are in consistent with the mainstream society, and they often dream of being as advanced as society outside their world. In this case, government should put much energy and money to help them develop their homestead and get rid of poverty. On the other hand, some minority peoples living in the remote areas for some historic reasons may not want to join in the mainstream society but to keep their own customs and natural state. In this case, government should not intervene in their life excessively and the exploitation of the areas should be consistent with(in accordance with 因前面已有一个了，所以给你改改) the will of the minorities. For instance, Chinese minorities are authorized automatic rights to develop their own home, and what the government does is just to give help whenever they need; the delectable result is the remote areas are developed and different peoples are living together in harmony.(这里有点小疑问，尊重是好但是不是应该不能完全由当地人自己决定呢，国家的位子何在)

Last but not the least, the cost and the benefit of either the preservation or the exploiture （exploitation）is something the government has to consider. To meliorate the whole Gobi desert into an oasis may improve the climate and environment there, but the high cost used in some other areas may help to achieve more environmental amelioration. In this circumstance, even if the exploiture is conducive to the environment, the costly way should not be adopted by the government. As to this issue, to weigh the cost and benefit, the advantages and disadvantages, government must have a foresight.

To sum up, the necessity and the rationality of preservation of the wilderness areas is a complex and case-by-case issue, and to find a correct answer to this issue, the government should take lots of things, both materially and emotionally, into account and solve it when all comes to all.（总的来说应该说要表答的都清楚了，建议第二分论点用事实论据，第三个用假设对比a and b 论证）

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=299010

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板凳

发表于 2005-7-17 19:11:33 |只看该作者

谢谢楼上的，语法错误都改了

尊重是好但是不是应该不能完全由当地人自己决定呢，国家的位子何在？
这个……没考虑过……但是不是我们引用例子取自己需要的就可以了呢？

建议第二分论点用事实论据，第三个用假设对比a and b 论证
是什么意思呢？可不可以具体说一下？

我见青山多妩媚，
料青山
见我应如是

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地板

发表于 2005-7-17 20:22:12 |只看该作者

这样的，不好意思，很抽象

我觉得不是什么例子都可以用，的类比一下是否应该是学生自己选择课程还是学校决定这个问题如果讲到学生可以谈兴趣爱好，讲学校呢讲教育的目的，讲教育与社会的关系等等，就这问题可以把自己的理论基石拓宽的，是把个人的问题延伸开到社会，我觉得这样好写些,不好意思,是不是把自己的意见强加给人了.
the second paragraph可以用澳大利亚开发的例子来说啊澳大利亚开始大部地区都是未开发的后来政府因地制宜开发使custom and development harmonious.
第三段你可以建设两个情景，A。违背意志开发，B顺应开发对比结果
还是一家之言,仅参考见笑
因为觉得以事论事太多了

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5楼

发表于 2005-7-17 20:51:59 |只看该作者

Issue83 第9篇我爱砖头
------题目------
Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people.
------正文------
As human history is a history to conquer and develop new world [conquer new world?], it is easily tempting to disagree the speaker. However, from some other aspects, such as environmental preservation and the choice right[什么是choice right] of the minorities, to some extent the speaker’s claim has special meanings.[ Special meaning不太能够表达你的立场，meaning是个中性词，可错可对可好可坏]

For one thing, whether the preservation of wilderness areas could be beneficial to environment depends on their own geological characteristics. On the one hand, some wastelands actually have little to do with the improvement of environment, such as deserts and salinas. If developed rather than left in their natural state, these areas may bring more benefits than one can imagine. For instance, Lasvigas, just a desert without people before exploiture, became a world-famous entertainment area and its prosperous and golden sight makes ones there forget they are in the desert, while the consequent economic profits makes the city a miracle of the desert. On the other hand, only[放到后面] developing wilderness areas for economic benefits blindly may be harmful to the environment. Lots of the wilderness areas function as the accommodator of the environment, excessive development of such areas may exert influence on the global climate and finally do harm to the environment. For instance, the exploitation of the rain forest is a catastrophe to all the humans in the world, since rain forest is the most important modulator of the global climate and the destroy of it caused by the exploitation makes the global precipitation deviant to the normal situation. An effective government should realize the two different situations above and make the correct decision.
两层观点，第一层观点紧扣了TS，但是第二层观点显然跟错了大哥，是接着第一个观点说的，但是置TS于不顾了。TS里的关键词是preservation, beneficial 和 geological characterisitcs，第二个观点提到了前两者漏掉了老幺，要么改TS，要么改第二层观点。

For another thing, whether to preserve some wilderness areas has some relevance to the sensation of people who live there even they are only a few. On the one hand, some people in the wilderness areas are in consistent with the mainstream society, and they often dream of being as advanced as society outside their world. In this case, government should put much energy and money to help them develop their homestead and get rid of poverty. On the other hand, some minority peoples living in the remote areas for some historic reasons may not want to join in the mainstream society but to keep their own customs and natural state. In this case, government should not intervene in their life excessively and the exploitation of the areas should be consistent with the will of the minorities. For instance, Chinese minorities are authorized automatic rights to develop their own home, and what the government does is just to give help whenever they need; the delectable result is the remote areas are developed and different peoples are living together in harmony.
这一段问题相当大
题目中提高only accessbile to only a few people，意思是人烟罕至的地方值不值得保护，本段的TS也基本上符合题意，可到了叙述，第一层意思和环境，保护没有一点关系，纯粹聊该地区少数人的现代化之路；第二层观点谈的不是government要preserve，而是government不要overexploit，这两个虽然就是一字之差，意思可差远了。举的例子也没有反应政府preserve少数民族地区，而是政府给与自治，直到最后还是在谈人民福祉。唉，真是楼主重大失误的一段啊。

Last but not the least, the cost and the benefit of either the preservation or the exploiture is something the government has to consider. To meliorate the whole Gobi desert into an oasismay improve the climate and environment there, but the high cost used in some other areas may help to achieve more environmental amelioration. In this circumstance, even if the exploiture is conducive to the environment, the costly way should not be adopted by the government. As to this issue, to weigh the cost and benefit, the advantages and disadvantages, government must have a foresight.

To sum up, the necessity and the rationality of preservation of the wilderness areas is a complex and case-by-case issue, and to find a correct answer to this issue, the government should take lots of things, both materially and emotionally, into account and solve it when all comes to all[这是什么意思？].

首先关于例子，我还是建议楼主多用西方人熟知的例子，太中国化的例子有时候你想当然而批的人一头雾水，包括第三段中的中国少数民族的例子，西方报道对中国少数民族政策多有诟病，不管披者是否持政治色彩，至少这个例子他们不熟悉；还有比如 Gobi，还是用Sahara比较好。不管平时文化价值观取向如何，考GRE作文崇洋媚外光荣！
整篇文章一直到了结尾处楼主才给出了总体的态度，这样的写法和老外开门见山的风格南辕北辙。

楼主总的观点比较中庸，对原题不支持也不反对，一开始我是觉得不妥，但后来想想也未尝不可，不过好像不甚好写，尤其在考场上按照这种不熟悉的思路写可能会左脚绊右脚。这个问题我倒从来没想过，不知楼主和高手同志们如何看待？此帖今后我将长期关注。

[今天写了两篇，楼主点我名字的链接然后“搜索帖子”便可看到，有空便拍拍，不过还是以自己多写为主啊。
]

[ Last edited by edgarlu on 2005-7-17 at 20:53 ]

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6楼

发表于 2005-7-17 21:52:34 |只看该作者

我的思路

To edgarlu:

多谢认真批改和宝贵建议！

对题目理解与你似有重大分歧，对于preserve翻译我觉得是保留，主要是看到后面的natrual state语境，强调leave it as it is 的意思，此题看过两版翻译，一说保护，一说保留，韦氏此二意兼有，一头雾水……issue类似这样的题目可有两种翻译的多了，真不知如何是好！

若谈保留，我以为对立面应指开发而言，就有应该开发和不应该开发之分，以下思路按此轴线展开……

第一段我的重点在geological characteristics, 因为它是depends之所在，故分开两层论述，一种是沙漠型不对环境有用，开发更好，开发之，不用保留；一种是雨林型，绝对影响环境的，决不能过渡开发，TS坚决没错，第二层再思之……

第二段讲该地区要不要开发，反面就是要不要leave it in its natrual state，要看该地区人民怎么想。人民向往外面世界的当然要开发，人民喜欢原始状态的当然不能硬着来，能帮是帮一下就行，政府少干预为妙。这是一个should题，当然考虑多方面因素看到底应不应该了，所以民族和睦也被考虑进来

第三段就讲开不开发还要看成本的问题，主要受argu思路影响，呵呵……

举外国例子我是双手赞成的，但民族问题更是老美伤疤，我一下就想到印第安土著去了，很配合保留地的事，写不好也很惨，一时想不到其他例子，中国例子就出来了……

对原题应该给明确态度的，我的态度就是从seem和however体现的，还是具体问题具体分析的意思

论述仍然不够清楚，努力！

我见青山多妩媚，
料青山
见我应如是

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