[a习作temp] Argument73l 自我感觉不错请指教 [复制链接]

czzb
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-7-29 22:34:09 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument73   给链接必回拍！
------摘要------
作者：czzb    共用时间：29分30秒    334 words
从2005年6月29日22时38分到2005年6月29日23时29分
------题目------
The following appeared in a memo from a manager of a car dealership.
'Ten years ago, long-term car leasing became available in our country of Mohilia as an alternative to outright car ownership, and leasing has steadily risen in popularity. For each of the last five years, the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number buying new cars. The average age of cars driven in Mohilia is six years; hence, if new car leases again outnumber purchases this year, it is likely that the majority of drivers will be driving leased, not individually owned, cars. Therefore, we should change the focus of our business from selling cars to leasing them.'

synopsis
1  租车的人不一定比卖车的人多  可能是少数人反复租
2  这个趋势未必可以继续
3 卖车可能更赚钱，转换需要成本

------正文------
If provided with no more information besides the argument above, the manager of the car dealership should not shift the focus of his or her business from selling cars to leasing them without further investigation, for several critical flaws render the argument questionable and unpersuasive.

To begin with, the popularity of car leasing is open to question.  Although the arguer cites evidence that in the last five years, the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number buying new cars, the arguer fails to convince us that car leasing is more popular than owning a car. Since the arguer's vague term "long-term", it is entirely possible that just a small number of people leased cars repeatedly, once perhaps for one or two months or so. If that scenario turns out to be true, contrary to the arguer's allegation, the actual number of car purchases may outnumber leases, which will undermine the argument.

In addition, the argument is based on the assumption that the seemingly popularity of car leasing will continue in the future, which is ill-supported. Presumably the residents of Mohilia tend to buy a car of their own rather than lease one in the future.

Finally, the author fails to examine the profitability of change he suggested.  Even if I were to concede that there would be more people who prefer car leasing to purchasing,  it is highly likely that the car selling are much more profitable than car leasing. Further, by giving the recommendation that the business should change its focus from car selling to car leasing, the arguer overlooks other factors that may contribute to the profitability of the change. Because the change requires the business to redo the promotion, employee training and decoration, the cost may offset the more possible profit.

In conclusion, the argument is problematic and untenable. Although the arguer aims at maximizing the profit of the business, the manager needs to do more investigation and collect more data to better evaluate the recommendation.

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Alexandra
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沙发

发表于 2005-7-30 16:15:32 |只看该作者

战友，字数，看起来好象很少的样子哦，有没有 350 啊？
我研究研究，下次一定将修改贴上！

那些允许被任性的年代，叫做青春。

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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Alexandra
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板凳

发表于 2005-7-30 21:15:11 |只看该作者

我回来了！你也帮我、改改我的文章好吗？？

Argument73l 自我感觉不错请指教Argument73 给链接必回拍！------摘要------作者：czzb    共用时间：29分30秒    334 words从2005年6月29日22时38分到2005年6月29日23时29分------题目------The following appeared in a memo from a manager of a car dealership.'Ten years ago, long-term car leasing became available in our country of Mohilia as an alternative to outright car ownership, and leasing has steadily risen in popularity. For each of the last five years, the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number buying new cars. The average age of cars driven in Mohilia is six years; hence, if new car leases again outnumber purchases this year, it is likely that the majority of drivers will be driving leased, not individually owned, cars. Therefore, we should change the focus of our business from selling cars to leasing them.'synopsis1  租车的人不一定比卖车的人多  可能是少数人反复租2  这个趋势未必可以继续3 卖车可能更赚钱，转换需要成本

------正文------

If provided with no more information besides the argument above, the manager of the car dealership should not shift the focus of his or her business from selling cars to leasing them without further investigation, for several critical flaws render the argument questionable and unpersuasive.
[N 天不见，你的开头依然漂亮！有自己的风格哦。夸一个！]

To begin with, the popularity of car leasing is open to question [我喜欢这种句式： is open to question] .  Although the arguer cites evidence that in the last five years, the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number buying new cars [好], the arguer  [这里讨论一下， Although后面的the arguer，不用会怎样？是否会好点？] fails to convince us that car leasing is more popular than owning a car. Since the arguer's vague term "long-term", it is entirely possible that just a small number of people leased cars repeatedly, once perhaps for one or two months or so[/color][啊，or so（大约）放后面？？讨论一下好吗？]. If that scenario turns out to be true, contrary to the arguer's allegation, the actual number of car purchases may outnumber leases, which will undermine the argument.
[精彩，哇，多日不见，你句子的组织，进步很快啊。真让我感到惭愧啊，距离。5555555 向你学习！]

In addition, the argument is based on the assumption that the seemingly [好词！] popularity of car leasing will continue in the future, which is ill-supported. Presumably the residents of Mohilia tend to buy a car of their own rather than lease one in the future.
  [啊，这么短啊？力度不够哦，可能时间问题吧]

Finally, the author fails to examine the profitability of change he suggested [建议把he suggested，弄成从句，好象我看过孙远说过这样类似的，].  Even if I were to concede that there would be more people who prefer car leasing to purchasing,  it is highly likely that the car selling are much more profitable than car leasing. Further, by giving the recommendation that the business should change its focus from car selling to car leasing, the arguer overlooks other factors that may contribute to the profitability of [of？] the change. Because the change requires the business to redo the promotion, employee training and decoration, the cost may offset the more possible profit.

In conclusion, the argument is problematic and untenable. Although the arguer aims at maximizing the profit of the business, the manager needs to do more investigation and collect more data to better evaluate the recommendation.
[最后一个句子的逻辑，好象不对劲啊？？]

总结：写得不错，但是，字数太少，好象最少为350。实战的适宜字数为400左右。个别句子的逻辑连接，有些问题。—这也可能是我的个人问题吧。权当作讨论。

那些允许被任性的年代，叫做青春。

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