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[i习作temp] ISSUE41 和 ISSUE4 8月的两个最高频希望得到语言上的指导有拍必回!! 谢谢! [复制链接]

林森森
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-8-12 16:56:06 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue41  让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户    共用时间：56分41秒    503words
------题目------
Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.
------正文------
Science , generally considered to be a measure to judge phenomenon of the nature or of a society, which has its own limit, does not always the only way to decide whether a phenomenon's existence is rational. Valid as the argument and I fundamentally agree with it that such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal are hardly addressed by mainstream science, it appears fallacious and impossible to deny the necessity of their existence.
  In the first place , the nonmainstream areas of inquiry, such as astrology , has already rooted firmly in society, even on campus. As far as I am concerned , most college students are in favor of fashionable magazines , which contains columns of astrology and paranormal pursuits. Two months ago, a survey made by an organization named CRIC (College Readings Institution of China) in the top 50 colleges and universities in China including my university shew that 56.2 percent of those top students chose fashionable magazine to be their extracurricular readings, amongst which 76.3 percent declare they read columns of astrology and paranormal pursuits of each volume. That is to say , more than 45 percent of the most high educated students are in favor of such inquiry of astrology and paranormal pursuits . As a matter of fact , adolescents, especially college students are curious about and yearn for making sense of their future. There is no scientific way to achieve their dreams, and consequently, the nonmainstream ways become popular amongst them.
  In the second place, the existent nonmainstream areas of inquiry has left a trace in most traditional people's minds which science can never erase. There is a real and somewhat cruel  example on me . Shengxiao , a mysterious word in Chinese, which divide people into 12 groups through their birth years , can ditermine their destiny. 12 lucky animals present each group people of Shengxiao . For instance, I was born in 1984 and thus belonged to the lucky mouse whist my girlfriend was born in 1987 and thus belonged to the lucky rabbit. As a devoted fortune-telling believer, my grandmother severely oppose our love only because the fortune-teller told her that a man belongs to the mouse can never marry a woman belongs to the rabbit since the rabbit will finally eat the mouse in destiny. Of course it seems absurd to me , however , how can I explain to my grandmother that a rabbit always eat grass instead of a mouse? And how can I convince my grandmother the tell is scientific fundamentally fallacious. Actually, some traditional people in our society always prefer to trust the areas of inquiry that are of their culture instead of science. Let alone science are not able to rationally explain the failure of those phenomenon.
  In sum , science mainstream science is now unable to explain why the nonmainstream areas of inquiry is unreasonable, they will and have to exist rationally for a long period to meet the society's vital need.

Issue4 Study 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户    共用时间：45分00秒    430 words
------题目------
No field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study.
------正文------
I fundamentally agree with the arguer's point that just like the world needs globalization, all the fields of study need combination .  Yet in my view, only by introducing knowledge and experience from other fields can a field of study, especially natural science, make further progress nowadays.
  Consider, for instance, the competition in the medical field is unimaginably significant. Another similar field all filled with competition is law. We seldom heard that medicine has to do with a lawyer in the past several decades. However, the cruel competition has forced lawyers to study medicine and other knowledge which has utterly no relationship to law to be extraordinary in their fields. A lawyer,  usually a plain one, who masters or even familiar with medicine can be completely different. Because medical knowledge applies him more ability to confront cases rose in hospital, which has been a majority of all cases in today's society. As a result, he can get into a completely new field born on the edge of law and medicine instead of competing with other lawyers in the traditional fields. In conclusion, the combination of two major has the alchemy to bear new extraordinary leaders of a field in the most two competitive ones, let alone in other fields.
  Similarly, when it comes to natural science, a field of study's desire of being introduce in knowledge of other fields is much more apparent. The past century have witnessed tens of hundred majors' combination and the birth of thousands of new majors. Actually, despite the several natural science of maths, physics, chemistry and biology, most of nowaday majors are the combination of two or more. Biochemistry, one of the most obvious example, is combined by biology and chemistry. Similarly, there are physichemistry, pharmachemistry, radiochemistry and so on. The establishment of these majors is essentially necessary because only by the methods of two or more fields can scientists advance.
  Valid as the argument above, it is imprecise to assert that no field of study can advance significantly without the help of introduced knowledge. Science in some field, there is indeed no need to introduce extra knowledge, especially in the old days or pure major such as pure maths study.
  According to the argument above, it is almost entirely necessary for the study workers to introduce knowledge from other fields into their own and make full use of it to make significantly progress in nowaday competitive society.

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林森森
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-12 22:30:36 |只看该作者

up 呵呵

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板凳

发表于 2005-8-13 09:17:10 |只看该作者

Science , generally considered to be a measure to judge phenomenon of the nature or of a society, which has its own limit, does (貌似应该用be动词)not always the only way to decide whether a phenomenon's existence is rational. Valid as the argument and I fundamentally agree with it that such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal are hardly addressed by mainstream science, it appears fallacious and impossible to deny the necessity of their existence.（观点鲜明，不错）

In the first place , the nonmainstream areas of inquiry, such as astrology , has already rooted firmly in society, even on campus. As far as I am concerned , most college students are in favor of fashionable magazines , which contains columns of astrology and paranormal pursuits. Two months ago, a survey made by an organization named CRIC (College Readings Institution of China) in the top 50 colleges and universities in China including my university shew that 56.2 percent of those top students chose fashionable magazine to be their extracurricular readings, amongst which 76.3 percent declare they read columns of astrology and paranormal pursuits of each volume. That is to say , more than 45 percent of the most high educated students are in favor of such inquiry of astrology and paranormal pursuits . As a matter of fact , adolescents, especially college students are curious about and yearn for making sense of their future. There is no scientific way to achieve their dreams, and consequently, the nonmainstream ways become popular amongst them.（例证充分，不过从argument的角度来看是否有点以偏概全了？其次，我个人认为最好能概括出一些你自己的关于人们为什么resort to nonmainstream的观点，段首和段尾不一定非要有总结性的自然句，但有意群句要好一些）

In the second place, the existent nonmainstream areas of inquiry has left a trace in most traditional people's minds which science can never erase. There is a real and somewhat cruel example on me . Shengxiao , a mysterious word in Chinese, which divide people into 12 groups through their birth years , can （用can貌似不恰当哦，换个“be considered to”觉得怎样呢？）ditermine their destiny. 12 lucky animals present each group people of Shengxiao . For instance, I was born in 1984 and thus belonged to the lucky mouse whist（while？） my girlfriend was born in 1987 and thus belonged to the lucky rabbit. As a devoted fortune-telling believer, my grandmother severely oppose our love only because the fortune-teller told her that a man belongs to the mouse can never marry a woman belongs to the rabbit since the rabbit will finally eat the mouse in destiny. Of course it seems absurd to me , however , how can I explain to my grandmother that a rabbit always eat grass instead of a mouse? And how can I convince my grandmother the tell is scientific fundamentally fallacious. Actually, some traditional people in our society always prefer to trust the areas of inquiry that are of their culture instead of science. Let alone science are not able to rationally explain the failure of those phenomenon.（这段末尾总结的不错。PS：自己的亲身经历不是不可以当作例子，但即便说得再好也比不过别人的有代表性的客观的例子，个人见解而已）

In sum , science mainstream science？？？重词了吧？ is now unable to explain why the nonmainstream areas of inquiry is unreasonable, they will and have to exist rationally for a long period to meet the society's vital need.

这本来是一个不容易的题目，让我在50多min里边写出这么多字来几乎是不可能的。文章整体来说不错，不过感觉例证是否应该更加客观并且有代表性一些？这样才会让你的观点更有说服力。呵呵……个人见解，仅供参考。

OK，就拍这一篇吧，俺大后天就考了，今天打算出去放松下，咔咔，楼主继续加油哦

[ Last edited by nikeboy1999 on 2005-8-13 at 09:24 ]

Destination: Miami, Florida, USA

Departure: Aug 14, 16:20pm, PEK

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林森森
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地板

发表于 2005-8-13 10:23:52 |只看该作者

HEHE 谢谢前辈啦!!

"决战830拍砖组" 成立啦! 欢迎8月30号机考的兄弟们加入进来每天1A 1I 同主题同高频题相互批改到8月30一起上战场!!! 发贴时请在标题注名 "决战830拍砖组™"

总部:https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=317783&page=1#pid1729407

谢谢拍我:
ISSUE 41
ISSUE 4
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=317364&extra=page%3D2%26filter%3Dtype%26typeid%3D101

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5楼

发表于 2005-8-13 16:19:04 |只看该作者

决战830拍砖组,左拍ＩＳＳＵＥ４１右拍ＩＳＳＵＥ４

Issue41  让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户    共用时间：56分41秒    503words
------题目------
Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.
------正文------
Science , generally considered to be a measure to judge phenomenon of the nature or of a society, which has its own limit, does not always the only way to decide whether a phenomenon's existence is rational. Valid as the argument and I fundamentally agree with it that such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal are hardly addressed by mainstream science, //这里要不要加个连词，句子结构好象有点问题哦//it appears fallacious and impossible to deny the necessity of their existence.//观点鲜明，赞//
  In the first place , the nonmainstream areas of inquiry, such as astrology , has already rooted firmly in society//这句子我喜欢呀//, even on campus. As far as I am concerned , most college students are in favor of fashionable magazines , which contains columns of astrology and paranormal pursuits. Two months ago, a survey made by an organization named CRIC (College Readings Institution of China) in the top 50 colleges and universities in China including my university shew that 56.2 percent of those top students chose fashionable magazine to be their extracurricular readings, amongst which 76.3 percent declare they read columns of astrology and paranormal pursuits of each volume. That is to say, more than 45 percent of the most high educated students are in favor of such inquiry of astrology and paranormal pursuits . As a matter of fact , adolescents, especially college students are curious about and yearn for making sense of their future. There is no scientific way to achieve their dreams, and consequently, the nonmainstream ways become popular amongst them.
  In the second place, the existent nonmainstream areas of inquiry has left a trace in most traditional people's minds which science can never erase. There is a real and somewhat cruel  example on me . Shengxiao , a mysterious word in Chinese, which divide people into 12 groups through their birth years , can ditermine//determine// their destiny. 12 lucky animals present each group people of Shengxiao . For instance, I was born in 1984 and thus belonged to the lucky mouse whist//是while吧// my girlfriend was born in 1987 and thus belonged to the lucky rabbit. As a devoted fortune-telling believer, my grandmother severely oppose our love only because the fortune-teller told her that a man belongs//要不要改成belonging好象句子是定语吧// to the mouse can never marry a woman belongs//同上// to the rabbit since the rabbit will finally eat the mouse in destiny. Of course it seems absurd to me , however , how can I explain to my grandmother that a rabbit always eat grass instead of a mouse? And how can I convince my grandmother the tell is scientific fundamentally fallacious// scientific fundamentally fallacious意思表达是不是有问题啊，再看看吧//. Actually, some traditional people in our society always prefer to trust the areas of inquiry that are of their culture instead of science. Let alone science are not able to rationally explain the failure of those phenomenon.
  In sum , science mainstream science is now unable to explain why the nonmainstream areas of inquiry is unreasonable, they will and have to exist rationally for a long period to meet the society's vital need.//结尾很有力啊//
这文章在结构上和语言上都很完整的啦，呵呵，不知道拍得对不对啊。

Issue4 Study 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户    共用时间：45分00秒    430 words
------题目------
No field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study.
------正文------
I fundamentally agree with the arguer's point that just like the world needs globalization, all the fields of study need combination .  Yet in my view, only by introducing knowledge and experience from other fields can a field of study, especially natural science, make further progress nowadays.
  Consider//Considering//, for instance, the competition in the medical field is unimaginably significant. Another similar field all filled with competition is law. We seldom heard that medicine has to do with a lawyer in the past several decades. However, the cruel competition has forced lawyers to study medicine and other knowledge which has utterly no relationship to law to be extraordinary in their fields. A lawyer,  usually a plain one, who masters or even familiar with//be familiar with// medicine can be completely different. Because medical knowledge applies//gives// him more ability to confront cases rose in hospital, which has been a majority of all cases in today's society. As a result, he can get into a completely new field born on the edge of law and medicine instead of competing with other lawyers in the traditional fields. In conclusion, the combination of two major has the alchemy to bear new extraordinary leaders of a field in the most two competitive ones, let alone in other fields.//感觉句首没有主题句，好象少了什么，心里似乎有点不爽，虽然后面是归纳了主题句,这一段似乎有点跑题，题目的意思是：几乎沒有任何領域能夠取得具有重要意義的進步,除非結合其他行業的知識和經驗到該領域中來，你举的这个例子是产生了新的领域，似乎有点不妥当啊，个人之见哦//
  Similarly, when it comes to natural science, a field of study's desire of being introduce in knowledge of other fields is much more apparent//句子有问题啊//. The past century have//had// witnessed tens of hundred majors' combination and the birth of thousands of new majors. Actually, despite//despite引导的名词短语表达的意思似乎不是很明确// the several natural science of maths, physics, chemistry and biology, most of nowaday majors are the combination of two or more. Biochemistry, one of the most obvious example, is combined by biology and chemistry. Similarly, there are physichemistry//physical chemistry//, pharmacchemistry//??//, radiochemistry and so on. The establishment of these majors is essentially necessary because only by the methods of two or more fields can scientists advance.
  Valid as the argument above, it is imprecise to assert that no field of study can advance significantly without the help of introduced knowledge. Science in some field, there is indeed no need to introduce extra knowledge, especially in the old days or pure major such as pure maths study.//似乎跑题了哦，没有论证你的观点：Yet in my view, only by introducing knowledge and experience from other fields can a field of study, especially natural science, make further progress nowadays.这可不是AREG 啊//
  According to the argument above, it is almost entirely necessary for the study workers//researcher// to introduce knowledge from other fields into their own and make full use of it to make significantly progress in nowaday competitive society.

总的来说个人觉得文章的结构不是很合理，呵呵

多少事，从来急；天地转，光阴迫；一万年太久，只挣朝夕。

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6楼

发表于 2005-8-13 21:29:22 |只看该作者

没有找到你的a200阿前两天刚写过我来批这篇吧:)

I fundamentally agree with the arguer's point that just like the world needs globalization, all the fields of study need combination . （改communication 好一点吧） Yet in my view, only by introducing knowledge and experience from other fields can a field of study, especially natural science, make further progress nowadays.（开头蛮好呵呵）

  Consider, for instance, the competition in the medical field is unimaginably significant. Another similar field all filled with competition is law. We seldom heard that medicine has to do with a lawyer in the past several decades.（从福尔莫斯那时候不久有了吗呵呵开玩笑不过可以换个说法比如表面上看着两个学科差的很远看似没有什么联系之类） However, the cruel competition has forced lawyers to study medicine and other knowledge which has utterly（太绝对化的词避免用吧） no relationship to law to be extraordinary in their fields. A lawyer,  usually a plain one, who masters or even familiar with medicine can be completely different. Because medical knowledge applies him more ability to confront cases rose in hospital, which has been a majority of all cases in today's society. As a result, he can get into a completely new field born on the edge of law and medicine instead of competing with other lawyers in the traditional fields. In conclusion, the combination of two major has the alchemy to bear new extraordinary leaders of a field in the most two competitive ones, let alone in other fields.
（分析的比较深入赞一个:)）

  Similarly, when it comes to natural science, a field of study's desire of being introduce in knowledge of other fields is much more apparent. The past century have witnessed tens of hundred majors' combination and the birth of thousands of（换个形容多的词吧 countless） new majors. Actually, despite the several natural science of maths, physics, chemistry and biology, most of nowaday majors are the combination of two or more. Biochemistry, one of the most obvious example, is combined by biology and chemistry. Similarly, there are physichemistry, pharmachemistry, radiochemistry and so on. The establishment of these majors is essentially necessary because only by the methods of two or more fields can scientists advance.

  Valid as the argument above, it is imprecise to assert that no field of study can advance significantly without the help of introduced knowledge. Science in some field, there is indeed no need to introduce extra knowledge, especially in the old days or pure major such as pure maths study.(没有充分展开感觉干巴巴的:()

  According to the argument above, it is almost entirely necessary for the study workers to introduce knowledge from other fields into their own and make full use of it to make significantly progress in nowaday competitive society.  （结尾还好）

正文最后一段感觉意犹未尽就算补充的平衡观点也应该给出比较充分的理由阿否则显得太单薄了
嗯总的来说还不错加油！！:)

鼎均 3.17

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7楼

发表于 2005-8-13 21:55:29 |只看该作者

------题目------
No field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study.
------正文------
I fundamentally agree with the arguer's point that just like the world needs globalization, all the fields of study need combination .  Yet in my view, only by introducing knowledge and experience from other fields can a field of study, especially natural science, make further progress nowadays.
（开头缺乏一个ts）  Consider, for instance, the competition in the medical field is unimaginably significant. Another similar field all filled with competition is law. We seldom heard that medicine has to do with a lawyer in the past several decades. However, the cruel competition has forced lawyers to study medicine and other knowledge which has utterly no relationship to law to be extraordinary in their fields.（ A lawyer,  usually a plain one, who masters or even familiar with medicine can be completely different. Because medical knowledge applies him more ability to confront cases rose in hospital, which has been a majority of all cases in today's society. As a result, he can get into a completely new field born on the edge of law and medicine instead of competing with other lawyers in the traditional fields.这个例子感觉不是很有说服力，没有说明field of study，layer这样做仅仅是职业需要） In conclusion, the combination of two major has the alchemy to bear new extraordinary leaders of a field in the most two competitive ones, let alone in other fields.
  Similarly, when it comes to natural science, a field of study's desire of being introduce in knowledge of other fields is much more apparent. The past century have witnessed tens of hundred majors' combination and the birth of thousands of new majors. Actually, despite the several natural science of maths, physics, chemistry and biology, most of nowaday majors are the combination of two or more. Biochemistry, one of the most obvious example, is combined by biology and chemistry. Similarly, （there are physichemistry, pharmachemistry, radiochemistry and so on. The establishment of these majors is essentially necessary because only by the methods of two or more fields can scientists advance.没有说明怎么advangce）
  Valid as the argument above, it is imprecise to assert that no field of study can advance significantly without the help of introduced knowledge. （Science in some field, there is indeed no need to introduce extra knowledge, especially in the old days or pure major such as pure maths study.没有具体的说明，怎么就no need）
  According to the argument above, it is almost entirely necessary for the study workers to introduce knowledge from other fields into their own and make full use of it to make significantly progress in nowaday competitive society.
（文章整体结构不是很清晰，缺乏ts，让步的部分太简单了。分析部分例证不充分。加油~~~）

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8楼

发表于 2005-8-13 23:52:34 |只看该作者

谢谢momo56288860 谢谢 zhizhi 谢谢 nickaaronlee 我一定会认真研究你们的批改我会努力把我们决战830拍砖组发扬光大的谢谢!! 一起努力 !!

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9楼

发表于 2005-8-14 14:36:59 |只看该作者

我在看你的msn space啊，呵呵

issue　４是我考试的时候写的题目，呵呵

加油加油，我会在你的space上留言的：）　

doniwang

人生终将辉煌:)

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10楼

发表于 2005-8-16 01:53:29 |只看该作者

I fundamentally agree with the arguer's point that just like the world needs globalization,觉得the globalization became the worldwide trend all the fields of study need combination .all 都是马？  Yet in my view, only by introducing knowledge and experience from other fields can a field of study, especially natural science, make further progress nowadays.你用了only，倒数第二段有让步阿又是advance

Consider, for instance, the competition in the medical field is unimaginably significant. Another similar field allall不需要把，即使要fully也比他好 filled with competition is law. We seldom heard that medicine has to do with a lawyer in the past several decades. However, the cruel competition has forced lawyers to study medicine and other knowledge which has utterly no relationship to law to be extraordinary in their fields.A lawyer,  usually a plain one, who masters or even familiar with medicine can be completely different. Because medical knowledge applies him more ability to confront cases rose in hospital, which has been a majority of all cases in today's society. As a result, he can get into a completely new field born on the edge of law and medicine instead of competing with other lawyers in the traditional fields.这个例子确实感觉不是很有说服力，layer这样做仅仅是职业需要。 In conclusion, the combination of two major field has the alchemy to bear new extraordinary leaders of a field in the most two competitive ones, let alone in other fields.
  Similarly, when it comes to natural science, a field of study's desire of being introduce d in knowledge of other fields is much more apparent. The past century have has witnessed tens of hundred majors' combination and the birth of thousands of new majors.这里的新是指合并造成的吗，会误解 Actually, despite the several natural science of maths,math physics, chemistry and biology, most of nowaday smajors are the combination of two or more. Biochemistry, one of the most obvious example, is combined by biology and chemistry. Similarly, there are physicchemistry, pharmachemistry, radiochemistry and so on. The establishment of these majors is essentially necessary because only by the methods of two or more fields can scientists advance.根本没分析，把例子一举了事
  Valid as the argument above, it is imprecise to assert that no field of study can advance significantly without the help of introduced knowledge. Science in some field, 这半句搞不懂there is indeed no need to introduce extra knowledge, especially in the old days or pure major such as pure maths study.不充分
  According to the argument above, it is almost entirely necessary for the study workers to introduce knowledge from other fields into their own 不一定是去引，别的领域的人过来不行吗and make full use of it to make significantly progress in nowaday competitive society.

有空也帮我看看吧issue 4 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=319035
issue136 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=319527

使用道具举报