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[a习作temp] Argument1 哪位高手来给俺的第一篇argument拍拍砖头呀？谢谢了先。。 [复制链接]

半杯
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-8-23 16:37:04 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

1. The following appeared in a proposal from the economic minister of the country of Paraterra.
"In order to strengthen its lagging economy, last year the government of the nearby country of Bellegea began an advertising campaign to promote ecologically sound tourism (ecotourism). This year the number of foreign visitors arriving at Bellegea's main airport doubled, and per capita income in Bellegea increased by ten percent. To provide more income for the population of Paraterra and also preserve the natural environment of our tiny country, we too should begin to promote ecotourism. To ensure that our advertising campaign is successful, we should hire the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office as a consultant for the campaign."

Given the fact that Bellegea successfully boosted it’s economy by promoting
ecotourism-ecologically sound tourism, the arguer assert that Paraterra government
should also do the same thing to secure a chance to advance its own economy.
The arguer also advise to hire the Bellegea’s National Tourism Office’s current
director for the advertising campaign. As it may sound plausible, this idea may have many problems if we examine it closely.

First of all, to begin its own ecotourism promotion, the Paraterra should at least has the
similar natural resource as Bellegea does. Bellegea may have well preserved
mountains, rivers, forests and all the animals in the mountains and forests are rarely seen
in other country, the fishes and other aquatic organisms may not be popular
in other regions either. All these things ensured the tourists can go to Bellegea to
have a leisure and fun holidays in the natural parks or something like that, or they
can view special animals or fishes which are unfamiliar for them and could interest
them very much. So as long as the Paraterra government ensure that they has the
same natural resource, it’s unwise to do the same thing just because other
country’s success in that way.

Next, granted that Paraterra has the same resources which are needed for a
ecotourism, it’s still other concerns may hinder people from other country to come. As a common sense, people go out traveling is mainly want to reveal something
new to them, something really make them fun and happy. Bellegea has already
been on the way of ecoturism for a year. Many people have experienced the
special part of ecoturism, will they bother themselves to another place for almost
the same scenes and same purpose? I guess the answer is “no”, unless Paraterra
has something special and unique compare to Bellegea.

Thirdly, the arguer suggest to hire the current director of Bellegea’s National
Tourism Office for advertising compaingn is far more unwisely. Each region has its
unique part and unique spirit, so the idea of Bellegea’s current director of National
Tourism Office maybe perfect for Bellegea, but it may turn out to be totally useless in
Paraterra. If Paraterra really want to advertise their ecotourism successfully, they need
to find a person who knows their fortes best.

In sum, whether to promote it’s own ecotourism of Paraterra need to be
investigated deeply and thoroughly. To make a decision so rashly may cause Paraterra a terrible problems.

准备一个月以后考试，，但是还没有准备argument和issue，，今儿去ets下载了题库，，就把第一篇写了。。总共用时28分钟，，没有修改过。。自己看着也觉得不爽，，请高手点拨一下。。

另外，，对于argument和issue有字数限制么？一般要写多少字，，能给俺评一下分数最好，，往狠里拍吧，，您的砖头时俺进步的动力。。

zhenhai

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-24 at 00:15 ]

Recovering from failure is often easier than building from success.

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半杯
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-23 17:12:32 |只看该作者

啊，，郁闷呀，，各位兄弟姐妹，，帮忙改改吧！！

嘿嘿！！是不是写的太烂了，，高手都不屑一顾呀？

给个大体的评价和努力方向也可以呀！

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半杯
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板凳

发表于 2005-8-23 17:29:22 |只看该作者

回家前再顶一下！

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gzj123
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地板

发表于 2005-8-23 17:55:09 |只看该作者

旅游和保护两者之间本来是一对矛盾，如果转化成协调的关系，而且让参与旅游的人，通过旅游学到许多保护的知识，让他们知道第一个旅游者都担负着保护环境的责任，观赏了风景以后留下的只是脚印，带走的只有照片，不能留下一堆垃圾，或到处乱刻……所以生态环境游就含有人类担负的一种责任和义务，除了享受资源，还要保护它
maybe tourists are also different.:)

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半杯
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5楼

发表于 2005-8-24 14:34:51 |只看该作者

感谢gzj123，，
嘿嘿，，既然大牛们都不来，，咱自己来了。。

昨天晚上回家学习孙远作文，，发现自己写的东西的确时rubbish，，
首先，，第一段和最后一段写的不够专业。。其次，，句子过于简单，，没有“闪光”的句型。。

俺现在开始尝试改一下，，稍等…………

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半杯
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6楼

发表于 2005-8-24 15:13:02 |只看该作者

再用三十分钟436字。。不知道有人看没有。。
整个重写了一遍，，主题思想如下：
第一：修改首段和末段。让首段相对“专业”一点儿。
第二：注意主体段的topic sentence。

Based on the successful experience, the arguer advise the Paraterra government to
promote ecotourism to make more income and protect their environment. Moreover, the arguer also advise the government to hire the current director of Bellegea’s
National Tourism office as a consultant in order to acqiure a successful advertising
campaign. At the first glance, this claim sounds plausible and feasible, but it suffers
critical fallacies after close examination.

First of all, the aurguer lack convincing evidence to prove the increasement of
income in Bellegea is fully due to the promotion of ecotourism. It is true, that the foreign visitors doubled to Bellegea’s main airport, and the income increased. But there
are many other causes may cause the advance of Bellegea economy and hence the
income per capita. The promotion may attracted many foreign visitors to Bellegea,
and some of the visitor’s expenses did turn to the local people’s income, but is that
sufficient evidence for the whole ten persent income increasement? The answer
may be doubtful unless the arguer present concrete statistic data to support this
view point.

Secondly, the view point that to commence a ecotourism can protect Paraterra’s
natural environment, which is inferred from the arguer’s claim, does not make sense
either. As a common sense, the visitors might leave many rubbish when they are
traveling in a place such as plastic products, paper bags, litter of the ticket, etc.
Meanwhile, the Paraterra government might need to build many stores, toilets,
transport constructions in the sites to make convinience for the tourists. All these
things will harm the original natural resources, where the original lives there might be very peaceful and neat. Even though the Paraterra government can provide
powerful and efficient recycle system to process those rubbish, the natual
environment will be disturbed.

The last but not least, granted all the above concerns can be well handled by
Paraterra government and the ecotourism is still worth a try, to hire the current
director of Belllegea Tourism Office as the consultant sound more unwisely. It is true
that the director’s ideas are very successful in Bellegea, but most likely, that might
because the director is very familiar with Bellegea. So to make a successful move in
Paraterra needs a person who can know’s the Paraterra thoroughly and deeply.
What’s more, the competition between Bellegea and Paraterra in ecotourism need
to dig out some special ideas to attract those touriss.

In summary, to make a decision based on these mere evidences to commence
Paraterra’s ecotourism is too rash and might cause fatal problems. The arguer needs
to present more convincing evidence to support his claim.

Recovering from failure is often easier than building from success.

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Autumnsea
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7楼

发表于 2005-8-24 17:01:01 |只看该作者

Based on the successful experience, the arguer advise the Paraterra government to promote ecotourism to make more income and protect their environment. Moreover, the arguer also advise the government to hire the current director of Bellegea’s National Tourism office as a consultant in order to acqiure a successful advertising
campaign. At the first glance, this claim sounds plausible and feasible(太奇怪了吧？ “似是而非并且可行”？？）, but it suffers
critical fallacies after close examination.

First of all, the aurguer lack convincing evidence to prove （that） the increasement（increase） of income in Bellegea is fully due to the promotion of ecotourism. It is true, that the foreign visitors doubled to Bellegea’s main airport, and the income increased. But there
are many other causes may cause(there be 句型用错了，呵呵) the advance of Bellegea economy and hence the income per capita. The promotion may attracted many foreign visitors to Bellegea, and some of the visitor’s expenses did turn to the local people’s income, but is that sufficient evidence for the whole ten persent income increasement? （这句话多余了，这里应该用例子来进一步解释前面的other causes，比如说不是来旅游是来开会的等等）The answer may be doubtful unless the arguer present concrete statistic data to support this
view point.(

Secondly, the view point that to commence a ecotourism can protect Paraterra’s
natural environment, which is inferred from the arguer’s claim（这个从句多余，完全可以用arguer's view point嘛，显得不地道), does not make sense either. As a common sense, the visitors might leave many rubbish when they are
traveling in a place such as plastic products, paper bags, litter of the ticket, etc.
Meanwhile, the Paraterra government might need to build many stores, toilets,
transport constructions in the sites to make convinience for the tourists. All these
things will harm the original natural resources, where the original lives there might be very peaceful and neat（这样表达怪怪的说...）. Even though the Paraterra government can provide
powerful and efficient recycle system to process those rubbish, the natual
environment will be disturbed. (why?)

The last but not least, granted all the above concerns can be well handled by
Paraterra government and the ecotourism is still worth a try, to hire the current
director of Belllegea Tourism Office as the consultant sound more unwisely（unwise）. It is true
that the director’s ideas are very successful in Bellegea, but most likely, that might
because the director is very familiar with Bellegea. So （上下文有因果关系？）to make a successful move in
Paraterra needs a person who can know’s the Paraterra thoroughly and deeply.
What’s more, the competition between Bellegea and Paraterra in ecotourism need
to dig out some special ideas to attract those touriss.（逻辑错误找出来了，可是感觉自己陈述的逻辑不是很清楚）In summary, to make a decision based on these mere evidences to commence
Paraterra’s ecotourism is too rash and might cause fatal problems. The arguer needs
to present more convincing evidence to support his claim.（有点简单了吧....）

感觉表达上有很多问题，不是很地道，如果这是第一篇的话就还不错了。

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