[i习作temp] Issue141 V6站队 8.14 高频！ [复制链接]

mkb57288
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-8-14 18:46:00 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

If you think English is easy, take GRE
If you think math is easy, take wavelet
If you think life is easy, take a girlfriend

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Gladysry
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-16 18:04:31 |只看该作者

占座儿！！！mkb是大好人，不能不改！

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11yvette
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板凳

发表于 2005-9-6 21:19:16 |只看该作者

------题目------
Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity.
------正文------
I concede that conformity serve to achieve personal economic success insofar as the production of a enterprise should conform to the trend or preference of market. However, we should not underrate the importance of individuality as a factor for private economic success. 看来文章是让步+反对

Admittedly, a firm can hardly profit by possessing little conformity to the preference of market. For the rule of competition is that consumers vote for their favored commodities by using money as vote 这个比喻很赞, if a company get too little votes, it can not survive. I am hardly pressed to enumerate a fashion manufacturer can get economic success by producing too strange or out-dated clothes, despite such production bears somehow individuality. Moreover, in the time of industrialization, standardized manufacture, to set strict standard for each kind production, are pivotal for a smooth development of industry. We can hardly imagine a company can 这里连用两个can倒不是不可以，但是读着觉得有些别扭啊~~把这里的can替换一下如何？而且接下去又出现n多的cannot，下面的两个cannot倒很好，很有气势的说 profit by producing so distinctive parts that cannot be fitted into those of the other firms' and cannot be used to produce a complete machine. All the facts indicate that only the conformity to the preference of consumers and standard for manufacture can ensure a private economic success. 比较赞成这种对于conformity的理解，起初自己写这篇文章的时候，感觉非常困惑，看到其他人对conformity理解大多是符合社会的行为道德法律准则也都觉得比较牵强，看了mkb这一段，感觉conformity很到位，赞！

However, the individuality also plays an important role in private economic success as demonstrated in advertisement and strategies. After all individuality, which distinguish a production or a enterprise from others, serve as an important means by which firms competite with each other, and afford us diverse commodities. To find illustrating evidence, one needs to look no further than myriad advertisement, whether on radio, commercials or posters. All advertisements aim to catch the eyeball of consumers and leave them with a deep impression, which is just the fundamental function of advertising. But how can a advertisement impress the productions' potential consumers by providing them the similar picture and features, which are just like a copy of another commodity. In that case, manufacturers can hardly profit from advertising, for their advertisements, which are deprived of individuality终于出现individuality了，例子是举得不错，但是前面冗余的太多，切入正题稍微迟了些, can even not help consumers discern their productions. As a result, the advertisement company would put itself into the trouble of bankruptcy by providing service lack of originality or individuality.这一段的individuality写的也有自己的特点，例子想的很好，只是长了些，而且大多都是旁敲侧击，没有一下子点到ts上

The rationale好词！ also applies to the establishment of company competitive strategy. After all, a enterprise can only profit significantly from the new fields or innovations in productions. Only by doing so can a company steers away from the ruthless competition in those well-developed fields. This is why companies should always pay enough attention to the modification of production configuration to prevent from continuing to invest the out-dated production. The emphasis on individuality also explains why so many companies underscore enhancing the fame of their brand as a profit strategy. For through the impressing brand, as well as other associated slogans or features, company can get the preference of fastidious consumers. 这段从竞争力着手写的很好啊~~

In final analysis, although conformity to the trend of market and industry can ensure the profitability of a company, the individuality also plays an important role in the advertisement and competitive strategy, which are ultimately serveserving？ the private economic success.

非常抱歉啊~~~又病了好久，就没有来改文章，今天稍有些好转，想着9月9号也快逼近了，希望mkb能好好发挥。其实正常发挥已经很赞的说，不过一般考场上的稍稍紧张感能带来超常发挥，那mkb那么久的努力一定能有收获。

因为好久没有碰aw，有些生疏，所以上面改的也不知能不能尽一些绵薄之力。总体感觉，词句那是不在话下，不过像B2的例子，有些长，而B3没有例子的支持，这两段的比例似乎差得有些大。当然，例子也不少必须的，但是相对说理，例子有时候能丰富整个段落，使得说理更加明确，给人有血有肉的感觉，而不是空留一副骨架。当然，这些只是一家之言，如有不妥还请谅解啊~~~也有可能是这些天脑子烧坏了……
ps：文中有些地方的冠词a/an的使用是否还需多留些神~

[ Last edited by 11yvette on 2005-9-6 at 21:21 ]

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