[i习作temp] issue136　有拍必回，留下连接，谢谢 [复制链接]

sallyxindu
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-12-29 00:22:36 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

136"The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."
提纲
1，选择存在于每个领域，有时候是被动做选择（适应发展），有时候是主动做选择（为了更好地发展）
2，没有选择的情况根本不存在于现代文明民主社会里，而常见的情况是：选择经常收到外界因素的干扰。
3，在我们的选择受到外界不良干扰太多的时候，我们应该主动创造好的选择机会从而做出对自己有利的选择。

Considering the double-sides nature of the society, that is to say, almost everythings existing in the world bears at least two converse sides, say, good and bad, progress and countermarch, male and female and so forth. In such a circumstance, absence of choice is by no means possible but trying to get accustomed to the continuously variational society fraught with choices is what we should do.

First and foremost, making choice is undeniably an inextricable responsibility that every individual will be faced, whether passively or actively. On one hand, people are highly recommendable to opt for a preemptive choice which is appropriately relevant to the needs of our society so that they can be a real “social beings”. For instance, as internationalization becomes pervasive and an indispensable trend of development, every industry is put into dire need of talents of compound style. An applicant who has a good command of both English and computer skilles will be offered the warmest welcome in that he/she can not only be a dependable interpreter when the company plans to extend its business empire to worldwide with english-spoken people, but also an adroit punter at computer programme through which a great deal of electronical statistic data could be accurately calculated. On the other hand, when comes to personal interest, it cannot be denied that active choice-making of a person is an advantage over others because people would stand more chances to grasp the golden opportunity to be exposed to a more advanced knowledge in virtue of this. An illuminating example involves the tide of going abroad pursuing higher education. Having known the prosperous future that foreign education can provide them with, students, more often than not, would choose going abroad to study. Consequently, for the benefits of both society and individuals, making choice is a vehicle by which we can better fit in with the vicissitude and developent of the society.

What’s more, absense of choice is a circumstance that is utterly impossible in modern civilized democratic society. In the midst of a democratic society,men are endowed with the righs of selecing ever since their naissance and therefore deprivating citizens of the rights means contempt for democracy. As a result, it’s not the absence of choice but rather the outer factors which influence our choice that really matters. For example, a poor student’s choice of receiving education may be undermined by impoverishment, a company’s wish to keep everlasting prosperity will be smashed by the downturn of worldwide economy, a person’s option of being a athlete is doomed to be turned down thanks to his lameness. All in all, all these exoteric interferences are bound to obtrude into a person’s choice-making and thus result in negative impact possibly.

Nevertheless, concession granted that some influences from outside bear the immediate interest to our decision of choosing, or even have negative impact upon our ideal wishes, this is nowhere more true than on the issue that huam beings should exert their utmost to change the disadvantageous environment or creat the advantageous environment which is conducive to our development. As George Bernard Shaw, British Dramatist said “The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them .they make them.” There are numerous larger than life characters in history who finally perch at the summit of success, contempting difficulties placed in front of them. Say, Van go made a choice to be a great painter without complaints to be penury and belittled by his contemporaries, Beethoven made a choice to make his most famous compositions despite of his deafness. All the examples above validate one saying: Choices always patronize ready minds

In closing, I cannot agree more with the author in the statement that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very rare. In light of the democratic nature of our society, we are equipted with a lot of opportunities to make a choice in accordance with our own benefits. In additon, we can even create choices as a means to back up our progress if occasion arises.

[ Last edited by sallyxindu on 2005-12-29 at 03:07 ]

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zhaohaozhen
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沙发

发表于 2005-12-29 01:56:26 |只看该作者

136"The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."
提纲
1，       选择存在于每个领域，有时候是被动做选择（适应发展），有时候是主动做选择（为了更好地发展）
2，       没有选择的情况根本不存在于现代文明民主社会里，而常见的情况是：选择经常收到外界因素的干扰。
3，       在我们的选择受到外界不良干扰太多的时候，我们应该主动创造好的选择机会从而做出对自己有利的选择。
提纲不错，起——承——转——合（升华），一气呵成。

Considering the double-sides nature of the society, that is to say, almost everythings exists in the world bears改为bearing，不然不成句子  at least two converse建议改为antithetic sides, say, good and bad, progress and countermarch建议改为regress,带点修辞味道 , male and female and so forth. In such a circumstance, absence of choice is by no means possible but trying to get accustomed to the continuously varational没有这个词，改为varying，如何  society fraught with choices is what we should do.有中式思维之嫌，建议提到but处，同时把but改为and，或许更好
开头很简洁，快速如题，没有拖泥带水

First and foremost, making choice is undeniably an inextricable responsibility that every individual will be facedface 没有必要用被动语态 , whether passively or actively. On one hand, people are highly recommendable to opt for a preemptive choice which is appropriately relevant to the needs of our society so that they can be a real “social beings”. For instance, as internationalization becomes pervasive and an indispensable trend of development, every industry is put into dire need of talents of compound ed style. An applicant who has a good commend改为command  of both English and computer skilles will be offered the warmest welcome in that he/she can not only be a dependable建议改为adequate  interpreter when the company plans to extend its business empire to worldwide with english-spoken people,worldwide不是名词，不如直接改为foreign countries  but also an adroit punter at computer programme through which a great deal of electronical statistic data could be accurately calculated. On the other hand, when it comes to personal interest, it cannot be denied that active choice-making of a person is an advantage over others because people may grasp the golden opportunity to be expose to a去掉，knowledge不可数  more advanced knowledge in virtue of this. An illuminating example involves the tide of going abroad pursuing higher education. Having known the prosperous future that foreign education can provide them with, students, more often than not, would choose going abroad to study. Consequently, for the benefits of both society and individuals, making choice is a vehicle by which we can better fit in with the vicissitude and developm ent of the society.
例子很好，但是有待锤炼，可以精炼一点

What’s more, absense of choice is a circumstance that is utterly impossible in modern civilized democratic society. In the midst of a democratic society,men are endowed with the right s of selecing ever since their naissance they were born，这个词用得有点大 and therefor deprivating citizens of the rights means contemptat to democracy.这个地方感觉没有展开，或许可以说一下蔑视民主带来的后果，以印证其被蔑视的可能性不大 As a result, it’s not the absence of choice but rather the outer factors which influence our choice that really matters. For example, a poor student’s choice of receiving education may be undermined by impoverishment, a company’s wish to keep everlasting prosperity will be smashed by the downturn of worldwide economy, a person’s option of being a athlete is doomed to be turned down thanks to his lameness. All in all, all these exoteric interferences are bound to obtrude into a person’s 加process of更好 choice-making.
前半部分可以展开一下。后半部分的例子不错，排比。

Nevertheless, concessioned granted 二者选一 that some influences from outside bear the immediate interest to our decision of choosing, or even have negative impact upon our ideal wishes, this is nowhere more true than on the issue that huam beings should exert their utmost to change the disadvantageous environment or create  the advantageous environment which is conducive to our development.这个TS有点过长，建议拆开，提取较短的TS，再加一句以展开，平衡感就强了不少  As George Bernard Shaw, British Dramatist said “The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them .they make them.” There are numerous larger than life characters in history who finally stands at 既然是summit何不reaches the summit of success, contempting difficulties placed in front of them. Say, Van gocolor=blue]ghmade a choice to be a great painter without complaints to be penury and belittled by his contemporaries, Beethoven made a choice to make his most famous compositions despite of his deafness. All the examples above validate one saying: Choices always patronize ready minds
名言和例子应用的很不错，值得学习。

In closing, I cannot agree more with the author in the statement that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very rare. In light of the democratic nature of our society, we are equipted with a lot of opportunities to make a choice in accordance with our own benefits.color=blue]wills如何 In additon, we can even create choices as a means to back up our progress if occasion arises.

认真拜读了一下组长的大作，感觉提纲不错，然后例子也十分丰富得体。词汇很多我不认识的啊，大汗：）惭愧加学习中，但是还是提一点意见：有的词用得不是太适合，望引起重视。
第一次给人改文章，满嘴跑骆驼，望critically read，actively communicate.:)

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安婧
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板凳

发表于 2005-12-29 02:31:42 |只看该作者

请问：满嘴跑骆驼是什么意思啊？

雅燃：精致生活，从此雅燃。
经典风：聆听经典，聆听不朽。
格外安婧·怀念那年的阳光

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sallyxindu
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地板

发表于 2005-12-29 03:04:12 |只看该作者

Originally posted by zhaohaozhen at 2005-12-29 01:56
136"The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."
提纲
1，选择存在于每个领域，有时候是被动做选择（适应发展），有时候是主动做选择（为了更好地发展）
2， ...

啊～～～谢谢zhaohaozhen拉～那么晚了还帮我修改作文．感动ing．这个文章我发上去的时候没修改，我后来又通过编辑修改了次，你可能复制地比较早，看到的是我没修改过的，现在已经改过了。呵呵．再次谢谢你啊～～～:)

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