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lorraineye
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电梯直达

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发表于 2006-1-23 17:00:11 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

狠拍哈,留连接~

argument67
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

"Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."

提纲:
1．新部门上报抱怨少不等于实际满意度高
2．仅仅因为P的图书馆读者减少而合并图书馆是没有根据的
3．错误类比垃圾收集和图书馆

The arguer advocated that shutting the library in Pllluxton (P) and using the library in Castorville (C) will be available to save money and improve service. This recommendation is based on the fact that the new garbage collection departments that merged from the two ones in P and C reported few complaints about its service, as well as the 20 percent users of library in P decreased. However, this argument is unconvincing for several flaws.

In the first place, the arguer improperly assumes that the garbage collection departments emerging is successful in economizing and service improving only because of few complain reporting. For on thing, the new department reported few complaints is not objective to reflect the truly service condition. The arguer fails to rule out the possibility that the new department concealed negative reports about the service in order to protect the repute of the department; it is also possible that most users complain about the service to the government or newspapers instead of to the garbage collection department directly. For another thing, there is no any clue about the positive effect of economizing. Accordingly, it is unfairly to draw any conclusion.

In the second place, the 20 percent decreasing of users in library last year is insufficient evidence to support the arguer's conclusion. The number of 20 percent is too isolated to demonstrate anything. There is possibility that users of the library in P reduced because of the bad weather last year, and the number of users is booming this year. Moreover, it is unwise to determine that which library should close without knowing the situation of both of them. Probably, the users of the library in C may experienced a more severe decline these years. Consequently, this single statistic could not lead to any claim.

Finally, the situation of libraries is not similar enough to warrant the analogical deduction. Granted that the new garbage collection department succeeded in finance and service improving, there are still many significant differences between the libraries and the garbage departments. One of the problems is that the location of garbage station is not as considerable as libraries for users, since workers did the garbage collections but users have to go to the library by themselves. If a number of users in P complain for the inconvenience for them to go to library, where is the service satisfaction come from? Furthermore, closing a library may not as continent as emerging garbage station. Stock, transporting, recoding and rearranging of the books are all troublesome problems need to be solved, which may highly raise the costs.

On balance, from what have been discussed above, we could safely reach the conclusion that the arguer's claim lack of credibility. To improve this argument, the arguer should supply a detailed and authentic report about the financial situation and the service satisfaction of the new garbage collection department and the libraries.

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archy
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沙发

发表于 2006-1-24 10:53:28 |只看该作者

提纲:
1．新部门上报抱怨少不等于实际满意度高
2．仅仅因为P的图书馆读者减少而合并图书馆是关闭P的图书馆，不是合并，怎么大家都看错了！还是我比较仔细，呵呵~~~不过不影响是没有根据的
3．错误类比垃圾收集和图书馆

The arguer advocated that shutting the library in Pllluxton (P) and using the library in Castorville (C) will be available好词，可行的~~~我怎么就没想起来，学习学习 to save money and improve service. This recommendation is based on the fact that the new garbage collection departments单数 that merged fromof the two ones in P and C reported few complaints about its service, as well as the 20 percent users of library in P decreasedthe 20 percent decrease in the library of P . However, this argument is unconvincing for several flaws.
恩，开头把有错误的地方都点了下，很好

In the first place, the arguer improperly assumes that the garbage collection departments emerging is successful in economizing and service improving only because of few complain reporting.TS！好~~ For on thing, the new department reported few complaints is not objective to reflect the truly service condition. The arguer fails to rule out the possibility that the new department concealed negative reports about the service in order to protect the repute of the department; it is also possible that most users complain about the service to the government or newspapers instead of to the garbage collection department directly去掉吧，我明白你的意思。你是想说万一报道是官方的，前面的假设就不成立了。不过没关系的，我们就是找茬来的，就来挑他的刺！. For another thing, there is no any clue about the positive effect of economizing作者也没说对省钱做贡献了呀，只是说抱怨少了。怎么感觉我是来给yeye找茬的，哎呀我~~~. Accordingly, it is unfairly to draw any conclusion结论还是可以得到的一些的，咱们讲话也要严谨啊~~~.

In the second place, the 20 percent decreasing of users in library last year is加介词！ insufficient evidence to support the arguer's conclusion. The number of 20 percent is too isolated to demonstrate anything. There is possibility that users of the library in P reduced because of the bad weather last year地震还是洪水啊，要么是小行星撞地球！什么天气这么严重？影响了一整年！！, and the number of users is booming this year. Moreover, it is unwise to determine that which library should close without knowing the situation of both of them. Probably, the users of the library in C may experienced a more severe decline these years. Consequently, this single statistic could not lead to any claim.

Finally, the situation of libraries is not similar enough to warrant奇怪的词，换个 the analogical deduction. Granted that the new garbage collection department succeeded in finance and service improving, there are still many significant differences between the libraries and the garbage departments. One of the problems is that the location of garbage station 垃圾场的位置？ is not as considerable as libraries for users没可比性吧......, since workers did the garbage collections but users have to go to the library by themselves. If a number of users in P complain for the inconvenience for them to go to library, where is the service satisfaction come from? Furthermore, closing a library may not as continent大陆？自制？ as emerging garbage station. Stock, transporting, recoding and rearranging of the books are all troublesome problems need to be solved, which may highly raise the costs.

On balance, from what have been discussed above, we could safely reach the conclusion that the arguer's claim lack单数 of credibility. To improve this argument？？letter, the arguer should supply a detailed and authentic report about the financial situation and the service satisfaction of the new garbage collection department and the libraries.

这篇文章有水平了，很精彩！基本没什么词汇方面的错误，我就是在找茬，鸡蛋里挑骨头，原谅我吧~~~
不原谅也要说：yeye 的表达很好，关键的逻辑错误也找出来了，不过中间论述的理由显得略微牵强，总感觉没讲到点子上.......咱们一起去看看别人的文吧，互相学习~~~

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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george106
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板凳

发表于 2006-1-24 12:24:56 |只看该作者

来晚了~

argument67
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

"Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."

提纲:
1．新部门上报抱怨少不等于实际满意度高
2．仅仅因为P的图书馆读者减少而合并图书馆是没有根据的
3．错误类比垃圾收集和图书馆

The arguer advocated that shutting the library in Pllluxton (P) and using the library in Castorville (C) will be available to save money and improve service. This recommendation is based on the fact that the new garbage collection （departments）department? that merged from (the two ones)the two ones有这种讲法吗？我不太确定，建议换 in P and C reported few complaints about its service, as well as （the 20 percent users of library in P decreased）换成the 20 percent decrease of users in the library of P?. However, this argument is unconvincing for several flaws.开头=作者结论+错误论据+作者态度，经典

In the first place, the arguer improperly assumes that the garbage collection departments emerging is successful in economizing and service improving only because of few complain reporting. For on thing, the new department reported few complaints is not objective to reflect the truly service condition. The arguer fails to rule out the possibility that the new department concealed negative reports about the service in order to protect the repute of the department; it is also possible that most users complain about the service to the government or newspapers instead of to the garbage collection department directly. For another thing, there is （no any）no clue or is not any clue about the positive effect of economizing. Accordingly, it is unfairly to draw any conclusion.层次很清楚

In the second place, the 20 percent decreasing of users in library last year is insufficient evidence to support the arguer's conclusion. The number of 20 percent is too isolated to demonstrate anything. There is possibility that users of the library in P reduced because of the bad weather last year 最好后面在解释下，which…..哈哈，把ETS当白痴。个人觉得LAST YEAR也不太妥当，改成last winter如何？and the number of users is booming this year. Moreover, it is unwise to determine that which library should close without knowing the situation of both of them. Probably, the users of the library in C may experienced a more severe decline 什么decline? Profit? consumer? Or both? Or which is more important according to the argument? these years. Consequently, this single statistic could not lead to any claim.

Finally, the situation of libraries is not similar enough to warrant the analogical deduction. Granted that the new garbage collection department succeeded in finance and service improving, there are still many significant differences between the libraries and the garbage departments. One of the problems is that the location of garbage station is not as considerable as libraries a library?而且下面也是单数 for users,不好比吧？虽然从下文看可以明白你的意思，但是这里这样表达有些欠妥当吧 since workers did the garbage collections but users have to go to the library by themselves. If a number of users in P complain forabout 好点吧。后面有for the inconvenience for them to go to library, where is the service satisfaction come from? Furthermore, closing a library may not as continent as emerging garbage station. Stock, transporting, recoding and rearranging of the books are all troublesome problems need to be solved, which may highly raise the costs.

On balance, from what have been discussed above, we could safely reach the conclusion that the arguer's claim lack lacks?of credibility. To improve this argument, the arguer should supply a detailed and authentic report about the financial situation and the service satisfaction of the new garbage collection department and the libraries.

1.关键逻辑错误找出了，除了中间有些地方有些不太严谨，实在看不出有什么大的问题，水平有限啊。。。
2。句式丰富，也很有层次，学习。

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lorraineye
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地板

发表于 2006-1-24 19:51:42 |只看该作者

谢谢你们的建议，都很有道理，收下！！经过修改，应该解决了一些问题了，不过改完有六百字了，狂汗……

The arguer advocated that shutting down the library in Pllluxton (P) and using the library in Castorville (C) will be available to save money and improve service. This recommendation is based on the fact that the new garbage collection department that merged of the two departments in P and C reported few complaints about its service, as well as the 20 percent decrease in the library of p. However, this argument is unconvincing for several flaws.

In the first place, the arguer improperly assumes that the garbage collection departments emerging is successful in economizing and service improving only because few complain was reported. For on thing, the new department reported few complaints is not objective to reflect the true service condition. The arguer fails to rule out the possibility that the new department concealed negative reports about the service in order to protect the it’s reputation; it is also possible that most users complain about the service to the government or newspapers instead of to the garbage collection department directly, so few complain was received by the garbage department. For another thing, there is no clue about the departments merging reached the other aim of economizing. Accordingly, success of the new department is doubtful.

In the second place, the 20 percent decrease of users in library of P last year is an insufficient evidence to support the arguer's assumption that it should be closed. The number of 20 percent is too isolated to demonstrate anything. There is possibility that users of the library in P sharply reduced because of the bad weather of last winter, which affect the whole year’s number of users, and the number is booming this year. Moreover, it is unwise to determine that which library should close without considering the situation of both of them. Probably, the users of the library in C experience a more severe decline of users these years, which mean that it should be closed rather than the library in P. Consequently, this single statistic could not lead to any claim.

Finally, the situation of libraries and the garbage collection departments are not similar enough to warrant the analogical deduction. Granted that the new garbage collection department succeeded in finance and service improving, there are still many significant differences between the libraries and the garbage departments. Since the workers of garbage department do the job of garbage collecting, what the users need to do is put the garbage into the can in front of their house as before, the location change of the garbage station is not so appreciable to the users. In the other hand, the location change of the library means the users have to drive a long way to the other village, which is much more inconvenient as before. That would negatively affect the library’s income and the number of users; and could lend no support to service improving. Furthermore, closing a library may not as convenient as emerging garbage station. Leaving a library there without using is a waste of buildings, books and equipments. If move all the books to the other library, the transporting, recoding and rearranging of the books are all troublesome problems need to be solved, which may highly raise the costs.

On balance, from what have been discussed above, we could safely reach the conclusion that the arguer's claim lack of credibility. To improve this argument, the arguer should supply a detailed and authentic report about the finance and service situation of the libraries and the new garbage collection department, as well as an economical plan of optimizing the libraries.

[ 本帖最后由 lorraineye 于 2006-1-24 20:18 编辑 ]

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Gardenia-2005
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5楼

发表于 2006-1-24 19:54:44 |只看该作者

The arguer advocated that shutting down the library in Pllluxton (P) and using the library in Castorville (C) will be available to save money and improve service. This recommendation is based on the fact that the new garbage collection departments that merged from the two ones in P and C reported few complaints about its service, as well as the 20 percent users of library in P decreased. However, this argument is unconvincing for several flaws.

In the first place, the arguer improperly assumes that the garbage collection departments emerging is successful in economizing and service improving only because of few complaints reporting reported. For on thing, the new department reported few complaints is not objective to reflect the truly service condition. The arguer fails to rule out the possibility that the new department concealed negative reports about the service in order to protect the repute reputation of the department; it is also possible that most users complain about the service to the government or newspapers instead of to the garbage collection department directly. For another thing, there is no any有了no就不用加any clue about the positive effect of economizing. Accordingly, it is unfairly unfair to draw any conclusion.

In the second place, the 20 percent decreasing of users in library last year is an insufficient evidence to support the arguer's conclusion. The number of 20 percent is too isolated to demonstrate anything. There is possibility that users of the library in P reduced because of the bad weather last year,这个有点牵强吧 and the number of users is booming this year. Moreover, it is unwise to determine that which library should close without knowing consideing the situation of both of them. Thus，Probably, the users of the library in C may experienced a more severe decline these years. Consequently, this single statistic could not lead to any claim.

Finally, the situation of libraries is not similar enough to warrant the analogical deduction. Granted that the new garbage collection department succeeded in finance and service improving, there are still many significant differences between the libraries and the garbage departments. One of the problems is that the location of garbage station is not as considerable as libraries for users, since workers did the garbage collections but users have to go to the library by themselves. If a number of users in P complain for the inconvenience for them to go to library, where is the service satisfaction come from? Furthermore, closing a library may not as continent as emerging merging garbage station. Stock, transporting, recoding and rearranging of the books are all troublesome problems need to be solved, which may highly raise the costs. 这段写得不错

On balance, from what have been discussed above, we could safely reach the conclusion that the arguer's claim lack of credibility. To improve this argument, the arguer should supply a detailed and authentic report about the financial situation and the service satisfaction of the new garbage collection department and the libraries.

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