[i习作temp] issue150 V-March 留链互改 [复制链接]

woodygt
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电梯直达

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发表于 2006-2-16 20:37:47 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC：ISSUE 150 - "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

1.television can computer can bring a lively picture of other place that you have never been there before.
2.But television cannot give you the feeling that you are in the nature.
3.A most important aim of tour is to get rid of everyday work and relax yourself, which the television cannot offer.

WORDS：472 TIME：0:49:51 DATE：2006-2-16

As a result of the development of television and computer technology, people can become familiar now with countless places that they have never visited before. But can the television program or computer replace the position of tourism? My answer is definitely no.

Admittedly, watching TV or using computer at home can easily bring you the information, includes videos, pictures, culture and many others, of anywhere in the world you want to know. And it can show the place to you in a vivid way that offer you a feeling as if you were in that place. This is quite a convenient method for people to know other places and feel other cultures. You can see the most wonderful view on the top of mountains without climbing up by a rough route; you can see the rainbow besides a great waterfall without wetting your clothes. All these would never be imagined by our ancestors, but now, by the help of television and computer, we can do it even when sit comfortably in a sofa.

However, television and computer and also most of other new video technologies cannot bring us the same feeling as we get during our trip. First of all, television and computer have only a small screen in violent contrast with the great sight offered by the nature. You cannot turn your head to other directions without losing the sight when watching a television or sitting before a computer. Second, watching TV is so negative an action that you cannot choose what and when you want to see in a large range. This situation may be better when you are using a computer, but one thing should be mentioned is that all the information in the network are taken by some person and you cannot get things that have not been loaded to the Internet.

Furthermore, an important aim of the tour is to help you get rid of your everyday life and relax yourself. It is so exciting to breathe the fresh air of the nature, and to get along with people you never meet before. You may be out of shape after climbing up a high mountain, or may be all wet when you want to approach an amazing waterfall, but the happiness you get is worth all the troubles. It is true that most trips make the tourists tired, but there are still quite a number of people who enjoy the tours just because the tours can give them wonderful feelings. In contrast, television or computer can never offer such feelings.

To sum up, although television and computer can server to make people familiar with other places even if they have never visited, the happiness and excitement gained by trip can never appear by watching TV or playing computer at home. And so tourism will never be obsolete.

基本上可以算是在时间内完成,就是字数少了点.

[ 本帖最后由 woodygt 于 2006-2-16 20:47 编辑 ]

坚持坚持坚持！！！

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savagett
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沙发

发表于 2006-2-17 03:56:44 |只看该作者

As a result of the development of television and computer technology, people can become familiar now with countless places that they have never visited before. But can the television program or computer(电脑是不能取代旅游业的，应该说是网络之类的吧) replace the position of tourism? My answer is definitely no.

Admittedly, watching TV or using computer at home can easily bring you the information, includes（including） videos, pictures, culture(可能我有点critical了，可是vedio,pictures是提供information的载体，是by means of，而culture是可以看作信息的) and many others, of anywhere in the world you want to know. And it can show the place to you（这个说法也不太常见,show you the place） in a vivid way that offer you a feeling as if you were in that place. This is quite a convenient method for people to know other places and feel other cultures. You can see the most wonderful view(view the sight?看到最美的风景吧，我也不确定怎么说，不过see the view可能不太对) on the top of mountains without climbing up by a rough route; you can see the rainbow besides(这个是介词噢) a great waterfall without wetting your clothes.（这两句说的好！！！） All these would never be imagined by our ancestors, but now, by the help of television and computer, we can do it (前面已经用了these来指代了，这里不如说一下，we can see every corner of the world)even when sit（sitting） comfortably in a sofa.

However, television and computer and also most of other new video technologies cannot bring us the same feeling as we get during our trip. First of all, television and computer have only a small screen in violent contrast with the great sight offered by the nature. You cannot turn your head to other directions without losing the sight when watching a television or sitting before a computer. (这句，有点没看明白)Second, watching TV is so negative an action（多么消极的行为，这个好中式，建议改以下） that you cannot choose what and when you want to see in a large range. This situation may be better when you are using a computer, but one thing should be mentioned is that all the information in the network are taken by some person and you cannot get things that have not been loaded to the Internet.

Furthermore, an important aim of the tour is to help you get rid of your everyday life and relax yourself. It is so exciting to breathe the fresh air of the nature, and to get along with people you never meet before. You may be out of shape after climbing up a high mountain, or may be all wet when you want to approach an amazing waterfall, but the happiness you get is worth all the troubles.（我觉得与前面的呼应，很好） It is true that most trips make the tourists（又critical一下，tourist通常指那些住高级酒店的观光者，而目的在旅游的人多用traveler） tired, but there are still quite a number of people who enjoy the tours just because the tours can give them wonderful feelings. In contrast, television or computer can never offer such feelings.

To sum up, although television and computer can server to make people familiar with other places even if they have never visited, the happiness and excitement gained by trip can never appear(这个动词还带斟酌) by watching TV or playing computer at home. And so tourism will never be obsolete.

字数不少啦,我写通常也就这些字数了.
我觉得说的挺清楚的,上次帮你改过,好像有点语法问题的,这次基本没有了哦~可能就是某些词的用法,还要考证一下.
我改的不对的地方,请指出,谢谢.

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savagett
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板凳

发表于 2006-2-18 02:00:37 |只看该作者

自然景观 a natural landscape
人文景观 artificial scenary
这个rainbow...我也觉得很难, along with the great warterfall ...? along wiht 仍然做介词,可以这么用的好像.
watching TV is so negative an action（多么消极的行为，这个好中式，建议改以下） that
这个我真不知道怎么改.我写的时候在这就卡了半天.

这个我想了一下,你是想说是很被动的么? When watching television, one is accepting informatino passively that one you cannot choose what and when you want to see in a large range.

顺便推荐一个查单词的网站
http://www.dreye.com.cn/service/index.shtml

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