[i习作temp] issue46 孤家寡人第三篇，请拍！ [复制链接]

engma
UID：2172923

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 58
注册时间: 2006-1-4
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2007-1-23 19:21:50 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

46. "While some leaders in government, sports, industry, and other areas attribute their success to a well-developed sense of competition, a society can better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of cooperation."（政府、体育界、工业界和其他领域中的一些领导者将他们的成功归因于一种高度的竞争意识，然而一个社会还是应该更好的为那些即将成为领导者的年轻人灌输一种合作的意识。）

WORDS: 667 TIME: 2:00:00 DATE: 2007-1-23
Outline:
1.领导者在一个团队里扮演着相当重要的角色，良好的合作意识是一个领导者所应该具备的。
2.当然，在关注合作意识对塑造领导者的重要性的同时，也不能忽视竞争意识的重要性。
3.与此同时，对于将来有可能成为领导者的年轻人来说，只有能正确地处理好竞争与合作的关系，才能在众人中脱颖而出，成为其领域中的领头羊。

In today’s society with complex and troublesome issues and problems around us, it is more and more difficult for people in position of power to achieve their success. Had you sought the secret of how to succeed in certain realms, some leaders might attribute their accomplishment to a keen sense of competition, but others might owe their success to a well-developed sense of coorperation. How to weigh the significance of competition and coorperation requires us to consider deeply. In my point of view, those youngsters who tend to pursue future leadership need possess the senses of competition and coorperation, more importantly, hold the comprehensive ability to balance the relationship between competition and coorperation.

Leader, who develops a better sense of coorperation, play a vital role in certain teamwork. In high-tech and information age, without coorperating with others, anyone cannot fulfill many tasks and matters in terms of one’s study, life, as well as career. Team spirits clearly advocated by modern society is the attitude of collaboration to solve problems. In teamwork, each member must spare no efforts to exert one’s merits, communicate and encourage one another, in order to achieve the goal that all members of team endeavor. It is especially important to the person as a bellwether. One can look no further but image two scenarios as followed: First, in a symphony orchestra, a conductor, just having a spiritless baton at bandstand, cannot execute a magnificent movement without coorperating with every member of a band. Secondly, in an army, if a commander prefers arbitrarily ordering his or her soldiers to communicating with supervisors, contempraries, and underlings, he or she would be irresponsible for leading soldiers to defend their own nation against invasion; the end result would risk people’s life and territory. In short, a leader with a sense of coorperation does benefit himself or herself, and society.

Of course, though appealing to the emphasis on coorperation, we cannot overlook the significance of a competing sense. The sense of competition reflects human nature of prompt response to social environment. Such leader’s traits as self-trust, acumen, judgement, and faith are to a large extent related to a well-developed sense of competition.

Furthermore, young people preparing for leadship must appropriately treat the relationship between competiton and coorperation, thereby showing their best over others and becoming eligible leaders. In the past, it seemed that the relation between competitive power and cooperative one is an inconsistency toward each other; yet in the present, in order to attain success and maximize profits, people have skillfully conciliated the relation between both two. The paradigmatic example is the familiar story about a race between a tortoise and a hare. Imagine that there would play a new race in one day: During the match, the hare could run on the land, carrying with the tortoise; and then, the tortoise could swim in the river, carrying with the hare; as a result, they would arrive at end point at the same time. Beholders would be excited and cheerful because what matters they witness beyond the result of a competitive race that ostensibly manifest are concerned with cooperation, help each other, and win-win. Such phenomena of co-win or multi-win share by different persons, groups, and the like are actually exist in our real society. If the managers of companys in the competitive status make wise decision to collaborate with each other to gain the pursuit of maximizing profits, the ultimate effect may be the fact that: “one plus one is greater than two or more”, which has been well defined by theories of systems engineering.

In summarize, a society can better provide the youth who pursue leadership as a goal by not only enlightening their competitive sense but encouraging their collaborative one. The compelling fact is that scholars and researchers have renewedly scrutinize the connection between competition and coorperation, and thus founding a new discipline named “co-opetition management”; and thus, young people can obtain more meaningful guidances to assist them go upon the fascinating, modern leader’s stage.

回应
0

使用道具举报

engma
UID：2172923

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 58
注册时间: 2006-1-4
精华: 0
帖子: 0

沙发

发表于 2007-1-23 21:30:47 |只看该作者

真的希望大家来patpat～～
已经贴了三篇了，还是没有被拍过，惨啊～！
本人是在职准备，时间不固定，没有办法参加互改小组啊，不想被冷落啊，请大家给予支持～！
先谢谢了

使用道具举报

engma
UID：2172923

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 58
注册时间: 2006-1-4
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2007-1-23 22:55:21 |只看该作者

自己顶～～！！

使用道具举报

engma
UID：2172923

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 58
注册时间: 2006-1-4
精华: 0
帖子: 0

地板

发表于 2007-1-24 12:38:21 |只看该作者

给patpat吧～～～

使用道具举报

laijun
UID：2257574

新手上路

Rank: 1

声望: 0
寄托币: 0
注册时间: 2006-9-29
精华: 0
帖子: 0

5楼

发表于 2007-1-24 20:54:56 |只看该作者

In today’s society with complex and troublesome issues and problems around us, it is more and more difficult for people in position of power to achieve their success. Had you sought the secret of how to succeed in certain realms, some leaders might attribute their accomplishment to a keen sense of competition, but others might owe their success to a well-developed sense of coorperation(cooperation). How to weigh the significance of competition and coorperation requires us to consider deeply. In my point of view, those youngsters who tend to pursue future leadership need possess the senses of competition and coorperation, more importantly, hold the comprehensive ability to balance the relationship between competition and coorperation.(第一段感觉分析得很透)

Leader, who develops a better sense of coorperation, play a vital role in certain teamwork. In (this)high-tech and information age, without coorperating with others, anyone cannot(改为almost no one can更好一点) fulfill many tasks and matters( 感觉matter是抽象的事物,可改为affairs) in terms of one’s(one’s是不是可以去掉) study, life, as well as career. Team spirits clearly advocated by modern society is the attitude of collaboration to solve problems. In teamwork, each member must spare no efforts to exert one’s merits, communicate and encourage one another, in order to achieve the goal that(可去掉) all members of ( 改为in the)team(加个must) endeavor. It is especially important to the person as a bellwether(这句可以直接加到上一句especially to the person as a bellwether). One can look no further but image two scenarios as followed: First, in a symphony orchestra, a conductor, just having a spiritless baton at bandstand, cannot execute a magnificent movement(感觉有些生硬) without coorperating with every(the other) member of a(in the) band. Secondly, in an army, if a commander prefers arbitrarily ordering his or her soldiers to communicating with supervisors, contempraries(contemporaries), and underlings(这个例子也有些生硬,可直接说指挥官不关心战士的感受随意下命令), he or she would be irresponsible for leading soldiers to defend their own nation against invasion(原因不一定可推出结果); the end(end没必要) result would risk people’s life and territory. In short, a leader with a sense of coorperation does (not only)benefit himself or herself, and(改为 but also) society.

Of course, though appealing to the emphasis on coorperation,(这个不是很懂) we cannot overlook the significance of a competing(competitive) sense. The sense of competition reflects human nature of prompt response to social environment(两句可合为一句). Such leader’s traits as self-trust, acumen, judgement(judgment), and faith are to a large extent related to a well-developed sense of competition.(这一段太单薄了)

Furthermore, young people preparing for(可以说准备吗,改为pursuing好一点) leadship(leadership) must appropriately treat the relationship between competiton(competition) and coorperation, thereby showing their best over others and becoming(to become) eligible leaders. In the past, it seemed that the relation between competitive power and cooperative one is an inconsistency toward each other; yet in the present, in order to attain success and maximize profits, people have skillfully conciliated the relation between both two. The paradigmatic example is the familiar story about a race between a tortoise and a hare. Imagine that there would play a new race(new有必要吗?) in one(some) day: During the match, the hare could run on the land, carrying with the tortoise; and then(on the other hand), the tortoise could swim in the river, carrying with the hare; as a result, they would arrive at end point(the end) at the same time. Beholders would be excited and cheerful because what matters they witness beyond the result of a competitive race(有点繁琐,可改为the result beyond a common race) that ostensibly manifest are concerned with cooperation, help (加个between才能成名词)each other, and win-win. Such phenomena of co-win or multi-win share(shared) by different persons, groups(companies更具体一点), and the like are actually exist in our real society(reality即可). If the managers of companys(companies) in the competitive status make (a)wise decision to collaborate with each other to gain the pursuit of maximizing profits, the ultimate effect may be the fact that: “one plus one is greater than two or more(有or more吗)”, which has been well defined(demonstrated) by theories of systems engineering.

In summarize, a society can better provide(不太懂) the youth who pursue leadership as a goal(有pursue又何需goal) by not only enlightening their competitive sense but encouraging their collaborative one. The compelling fact is that scholars and researchers have renewedly(renewedbly) scrutinize(改为research吧) the connection between competition and coorperation, and thus(去掉) founding a new discipline named “co-opetition management”; and thus, young people can obtain more meaningful guidances to assist them go upon the fascinating, modern leader’s stage.(太Chinese化了点)
Comment:
总体上我觉得这是一篇不错的文章,有些词组用得比较到位,但还是存在一些问题:
1. 作者在发文之前请在word里面改一下,本文的cooperation几乎全都成了coorperation.
2. 觉得作者有时太过追求字数,有些地方显得很繁琐,另外也有点过与追求用词多样,很多单词我都是查字典才知道了意思(当然不排除我词汇量贫乏),有些地方用了感觉很生硬.
3. 作者的论据不是很充分,作为初学者,我同样有这样的困惑,建议多看一些实际的例子.
我写了一篇argument,有空的话可否帮我改改:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

使用道具举报