[未归类] 【天下无G askme习作】第10次作业 [复制链接]

Ever since humans came into civilization, education have played an important role in transmitting values, creating equality of opportunity and preparing individuals to compete in society. It, hence, often causes some debates and most of them are over the issue: whether effective education should meet need of every individual. In my opinion, although to meet individual need might have some positive influence, in most cases, special designed education is beyond reality and effectiveness.

开头很自然，beyond reality用的很好。

To begin with, wasting lots of money and energy, special designed education for a great number of individuals hardly have great effectiveness. As we know, compared to response every new situation, it is easier to repeat doing something over and over. Various and numerous, the needs of students are hard to satisfy completely. Providing that a school intends to meet all the needs from student, it will set up kinds of lessons to meet every student's idiosyncratic interest, from hieroglyph towards ancient myth in China and thus has to employ teachers majoring in different fields. In fact, none of schools have done such an absurd thing and none of them are able to afford to do such a silly thing. It will cost a great deal of money that could be better spent on improving the facilities, enhancing the well-being of both students and professors, and providing more opportunities for students to do experiment. In short, such kind of special designed does not deserve special attention and action.

这段感觉说得不是很清楚，你提了waste money和energy，以为会详细说是如何浪费钱和精力的，但是绕远了去说那个很silly和absurd，因为不同的人有不同的兴趣难以满足，是不是key points太多了，分两层说可能还清楚一点。

Furthermore, the main expected effectiveness of education is not to meet individual's need, but to prepare people to work and compete outside, to serve others in society, and to become an eligible worker in the world. It is acknowledged that our society needs different kinds of professions, such as doctors, lawyers, engineers and teachers in order to keep the work of the world and development of society. Giving absolute freedom to design what to learn, a large number of students, who are either lazy or uninterested in study, will indulge in PC games, bars and parks. On no account do our schools satisfy such unwarranted interests and needs of students. It is to teach students how to work and compete in the world that every school has responsibility. As a result, we should impart students know-how, interpersonal skills, history of their country and identification of the culture, no matter how boring they are.

这一段感觉还是那个问题，你的key points太多了，导致有点散。为什么教育的目的不是满足所有学生的需要而是你说的那blablabla呢，没有看出原因，倒是重复了两次这个观点。

却只写了一个点说满足每个学生的需要不好，因为有的学生会indulge in 不好的事情。

社会需要各种各样的职业的人，是为了说明什么呢？puzzling。

你加了那个概念后，这里就没有太多空间来说满足每个学生的需要不是有效的了，

另外，不满足每个人的需要就能有效的达到你所说的教育的目的么？

Moreover, because students might be too green to know what they truly need, education is often counterproductive. As many psychologists point out, with the development of individual, he or she has been more and more understanding oneself and in some cases such process requires other people's guidance and help. For supporting examples, one need look no further Beethoven. Nowadays, we all consider Beethoven as an unprecedented and outstanding musician while few people have known that he showed little interest in classic music when he was a child. Thanks to his father, who discover Beethoven's talent in music,  Beethoven were compelled to study piano, and eventually he found his interest in music and regarded it as his life, which led to the full play of his talent. Were it not for his father's guidance, perhaps Beethoven would not follow his true talent and interest and thus buried himself in multitude.

第一句的education是不是指满足每个人需要的教育啊？如果是，要说清楚，不然会有歧义的，你前一段刚说了另外一种你觉得好和正确的教育。这段是要说学生太嫩不懂自己想要什么，建议说清楚一点，因为学生不懂，所以他们的需要也是很obscure的，并且不一定对他们的未来好，所以不能以学生的needs和interests为准，这样的教育不effective，这样就和题目扣得紧一些了，当然了，我啰嗦了一点，看你觉得怎么表达好。

However, proper education should take into account what individual needs for better effectiveness. We all share a belief that everyone has his or her own characteristics, which determine what he or she is inclined to study and in which way he or she is inculcated. For example, some students are accustomed to traditional teaching methods; some like studying on computers; and some prefer debating with others to study. Thus, a good education needs to satisfy such kind of need from individuals. The most important reason for this is that only in this way does individual study in most efficient way.

这个however有点突兀，可能是因为你上一段没有明确的说满足每个人需要不好吧。建议改成admittedly。

To sum up, the true effective education is not designed for every individual’s special need, but for everyone's disposition in study, to give the full play to everyone, and to prepare them in future.

字数倒是真多啊……，佩服啊。段落内的逻辑还要再清晰点才好。词语也用的超好，赞。

Giving some facts and analysis, the argument that the sales of Whirlwind video games are about increase greatly in future seems logical. However, a careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

开头很简洁，不错。是be about to吧。

To begin with, the argument depends on the survey that players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics. However, the survey cited here is too vague to be informative. First, we find no sign of such procedure of random sampling, thus doubting whether subjects are representative enough to reflect the general attitude of video-game players. If, for example, the sample is limited to players who prefer games about wars or sports, it is natural for them to consider lifelike graphics as the most important part in games. On the contrary, to a player who likes to play RPG (role playing game), what is most important is the scenarios and music in games. In addition, we are not informed how the survey was conducted. If the survey was conducted by those companies who want to accelerate their sales of lifelike games or if the questions are leading, the subjects might echo with expected answers and thus, the conclusion is unconvincing.

嗯，调查不准确，分析得很详细。

Furthermore, even if video-game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, it does not follow that such games, introduced by Whirlwind, will be popular. Such alternatives might include that the requirement of these games is too high to afford or the content of them is not interesting for 10 to 25 years old players. Perhaps, to play these games compels players to upgrade their computers and the components in computers are very expensive, especially for such age-group people, most of whom do not earn livings themselves. In addition, if the theme of these games are about some boring things, such as life of school, working on a farm and so forth, on no account are they attractive to these age-group player, even if these games provide strikingly lifelike graphics. In a word, any of these scenarios, if true, would serve to undermine the conclusion.

这个开头很赞，流畅。

What's more, even granted that such kind of games introduced by Whirlwind will be prevailing, the arguer cannot conclude that the sales will increase dramatically. As common sense and experience tells us that a variety of factors, including competition and advertising, might also play an important role. It is equally possible that many other companies would also like to introduce such kind of games, and even undercut to gain sales in market, which attract players to go to other companies to buy games. If so, the sales of Whirlwind might decrease rather than increase. In a not dissimilar way, the effect of advertisement would also exert profound influence on sales. Only when the form of advertisement accommodates the interest and disposition of players do these players give much thought and attention to it. Had none show interest in this advertisement, nobody would buy these games, let alone contribute to the sales. 这个说none和nobody绝对了一点吧 As a result, lacking such evidence, the arguer cannot confidently draw any firm conclusion.

这一段也不错。

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited here lends no strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen this argument, the arguer should provide more evidence concerning players' interest in these games. To better evaluate this argument, we need more information regarding other companies in the same field as Whirlwind.