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9唯
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-4-4 21:21:57 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument7

In the next mayoral election, residents of Cleaview should vote for Ann Green, who is a menmber of Good Earth Coalition, rather than for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, because the current members are not protecting our environment. For example, during the past year, the number of factories in Cleaview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses. If we elect Ann Green, the environmental problems in Clweaview will certainly be solved.

This argument think the residents of Cleaview should vote for Ann Green who is a member of Good Earth Coalition, in next maroral election, on the other hand, choose
for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council is not correct, because of the Clearview town council’s members are not protecting our environment. the number of factories in Cleaview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses, all above this can indicate that we should elect Ann Green.

At the begining, the argument illogically assume that the Clearview town council not protecting our environment, to the contrary,  the member of Good Earth Coalition- Ann Green, who is a better choosen for protecting our environment. In fact, there are some defects exist in this ssume. The first, we have no clear evidences to show that Ann Green is appropriate as a mayor for protecting our environment, compare to Ann Green,  Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, it is unfair placing all the duty on his respect,
Because of the government policy can not make by one person himself. Maybe it is stemed by other objective aspects from Clearview town council’s environment protect policy. Thus, only according that the constitutions’ different they came from is not corrct.

Considering the other respects,although the increasing factories numbers have increased, however devolepment of the city’s industry is also right, the argument mistaken confuse the relationship bewteen industry progress and environment protection. There is no certain real causality between the two parties.  The residents of  Cleaview should find out the other reasons for air pollution levels’ increasing.

In  the local hospital, patients with respiratory illnesses increasingly 25 percent more than before. However, This illness related with the oneself immune, some people have an alergy with many botanic seeds, because of the self condition cuity feelings. Thus, own the illness resourses only by the environmental cases is wrong, it can not attest to  that the air pollution has increased.

And, it can not absolutely think vote Ann Green is necessary, if Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council in the position of power, he can overcoming the barrier come from other persons.

In sum, this argument fail to attest that Ann Green is more suitable than Frank Braun, in order to maintain this argument, it also needs to lie the truth what important things Ann Green has been done for protecting environmet than Frank Braun. Thus, this argument can perfect prove the conclusion.

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ploplo
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沙发

发表于 2007-4-9 14:14:39 |只看该作者

This argument think the residents of Cleaview should vote for Ann Green who is a member of Good Earth Coalition, in next maroral election, on the other hand, choose
for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council is not correct, because of the Clearview town council’s members are not protecting our environment. the number of factories in Cleaview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses, all above this can indicate that we should elect Ann Green.（如果不是打字巨快的话，建议第一段尽量不restate，还有，最好再末句说，there are several flaws in the argument, however.之类的点一下题。）

At the begining, the argument illogically assume that the Clearview town council not protecting our environment, to the contrary,  the member of Good Earth Coalition- Ann Green, who is a better choosen for protecting our environment. In fact, there are some defects exist in this ssume. The（去掉） first, we have no clear evidences to show that Ann Green is appropriate as a mayor for protecting our environment, compare to Ann Green,  Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, it is unfair placing all the duty on his respect, Because of the government policy can not make by one person himself. Maybe it is stemed by other objective aspects from Clearview town council’s environment protect policy. Thus, only according that the constitutions’ different they came from is not corrct.（Topic sentence 说了两方面，1未必真的污染2AG是更好的人选。后面的展开只论述了2，而没说1，而且过于冗长了）

Considering the other respects,although the increasing factories numbers have increased, however devolepment of the city’s industry is also right, the argument mistaken confuse the relationship bewteen industry progress and environment protection. There is no certain real causality between the two parties.  The residents of  Cleaview should find out the other reasons for air pollution levels’ increasing.（汗一个……愿意应该你来找，而不是市民们……）另，TP选得不好，、应该论述“即使污染也未必是因为FB造成的。然后展开污染可能的原因。
In  the local hospital, patients with respiratory illnesses increasingly 25 percent more than before. However, This illness related with the oneself immune, some people have an alergy with many botanic seeds, because of the self condition cuity feelings. Thus, own the illness resourses only by the environmental cases is wrong, it can not attest to  that the air pollution has increased. And, it can not absolutely think vote Ann Green is necessary, if Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council in the position of power, he can overcoming the barrier come from other persons. （这段干脆没有TS，sigh……）

In sum, this argument fail to attest that Ann Green is more suitable than Frank Braun, in order to maintain this argument, it also needs to lie the truth what important things Ann Green has been done for protecting environmet than Frank Braun. Thus, this argument can perfect prove the conclusion.

总体来说，错误找到了大多数，但是论述的没有层次，缺乏组织。
很建议看看精华帖里的关于A整体写法的把握。
Argument7我没写，但列了提纲，也很一般，如果有兴趣也可以参考下。

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-644772-1-1.html

前景是光明的。加油！

[ 本帖最后由 ploplo 于 2007-4-9 16:04 编辑 ]

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