寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托学术类备考版 › GRE作文互动版 › Issue97 [METTLE小组第二次作业] by hejielady

返回列表

查看: 1902|回复: 6

[i习作temp] Issue97 [METTLE小组第二次作业] by hejielady [复制链接]

hejielady
UID??2282175

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 305
注册时间: 2006-12-10
精华: 0
帖子: 2

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2007-6-8 19:17:40 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Politics is an effective instrument to maintain the peaceful and steady development of a nation and a powerful baton to concert the co-existence between the society and human beings. Were it active or inactive, we have to admit that political decisions and activities have become an inseparable part in people's life and deeply influenced all aspects of our lives.

Politics, with its varied political modes, plays an indispensable role in the existence and development of each nation at large. Since the situation of a nation is closely related with human beings, people's life is seriously affected by a nation's political decisions and activities. A typical case in point, in order to protect its local textile market and lest huge trade deficit, the American government have taken many anti-dumpling policies against the magnanimous Chinese textile products pouring into its market. Consequently, a plenty of Chinese textile companies were closed and numerous labors lost their jobs. What the American government had done not only affected the purchase options of its people but the people's life in China as well. That is the power of a political decision of which made out have protected the benefits of its nation and its people.

Nevertheless, an unfortunate but true fact is that not all the political decisions and activities serve the greatest benefit to the citizen. American too, regardless of the oppositions of its people and people in other nations, and Mr. President Bush pronounced the war against Iraq in the name of free the Iraq people from the tyranny. Hence, complaints can be heard throughout the world. The youth American were conscripted and their parent torn; the Iraq civilian then were living an turbulent life; people in other countries were worrying about their relatives who were working or studying in Iraq. The war lasting for years and its aftermath seems no ends. The fault political decision has corroded people's life with its overpowering permeation. People's life was heavily disturbed by politics, and they were lost themselves in life.

Moreover, not only our life but our thoughts and minds were unconsciously influenced by politics. We see the colorful life through political leaders; we see the tendency of the society development through political decisions. Scanning over the history, each political event and scandal has aroused widely concern. While we were concerning political scandals, the Watergate event of Nixon for instance, we were then examine the moral and conduct of ourselves and other people who around us. New political decision can also convert our traditional thoughts, a case in point is that women enjoy higher status then ever before as women-protection clauses increased in Marriage Laws. Politics becomes a window for us to prospect the society situation and social relations. Is there anything can influence our thoughts more but politics?

In sum, the profound significance and far-reaching influence of politics deserve us concern. Nonetheless, we should learn to better involved in but never be overwhelmed in.

[ 本帖最后由 hejielady 于 2007-6-13 12:33 编辑 ]

回应
0

使用道具举报

yangzengli
UID??2332195

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 67
注册时间: 2007-4-26
精华: 0
帖子: 0

沙发

发表于 2007-6-10 02:03:33 |只看该作者

似乎在GRE作文中不能写关于具体涉及到美国的过于真实的重大举措，这样会触动美国人的神经。

使用道具举报

zhangjing106
UID??2157010

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 415
注册时间: 2005-11-12
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2007-6-10 12:37:31 |只看该作者

第三段中：Nevertheless, an unfortunate but true fact is that not all the political decisions and activities serve the greatest benefit to its（是不是应该是复数？） people.

第四段中： New political decision can also convert our traditional thoughts, a case in point is that women enjoy higher state(此处的意思？status？) then ever before as women-protection clauses increased in Marriage Laws.

除此之外，我觉得文字写的很好，例子引用很有说服力，值得我认真学习（偶的英文写作很差）。
不过，在观点方面，虽然能够提供足够的论据支持观点，但是辨证的论证是不是更全面？

[ 本帖最后由 zhangjing106 于 2007-6-10 12:46 编辑 ]

使用道具举报

zhangjing106
UID??2157010

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 415
注册时间: 2005-11-12
精华: 0
帖子: 0

地板

发表于 2007-6-10 12:50:04 |只看该作者

你的Argu主题被人关闭了，我无法直接回复。

我觉得你的Argu写的非常好，我找不错任何错误，而且你的用词和行文给我很大的帮助！

加油！

使用道具举报

hejielady
UID??2282175

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 305
注册时间: 2006-12-10
精华: 0
帖子: 2

5楼

发表于 2007-6-10 18:10:18 |只看该作者

谢谢yangzengli, zhangjing106给我的提议，至于Ａ为什么被关，很抱歉我到现在还弄不明白．

对写作还不是很顺手，很多问题存在，我会继续努力的，大家一起努力！:)

使用道具举报

iq28
UID??2152875

元老版主

Rank: 11

声望: 902
寄托币: 18362
注册时间: 2005-10-29
精华: 23
帖子: 1027

6楼

发表于 2007-6-13 02:59:38 |只看该作者

原帖由 hejielady 于 2007-6-10 18:10 发表
至于Ａ为什么被关，很抱歉我到现在还弄不明白．

开始标题格式错误
所以会被锁掉
自己修改完之后请回复被锁的时候的pm
这样就可以给你们解锁

使用道具举报

iq28
UID??2152875

元老版主

Rank: 11

声望: 902
寄托币: 18362
注册时间: 2005-10-29
精华: 23
帖子: 1027

7楼

发表于 2007-7-22 23:03:24 |只看该作者

红字是我认为的文章中重要的字眼.

"It is unfortunate but true that political decisions and activities affect all aspects of people's lives."

Politics is an effective instrument to maintain the peaceful and steady development of a nation and a powerful baton to concert the co-existence between the society and human beings. Were it active or inactive, we have to admit that political decisions and activities have become an inseparable part in people's life and deeply influenced all aspects of our lives. (后半段完全同意了topic的论断.红字是我认为作者的将要讨论的主题.且看下文.)

Politics, with its varied political modes, plays an indispensable role in the existence and development of each nation at large. Since the situation of a nation is closely related with human beings, people's life is seriously affected by a nation's political decisions and activities. (法->人,因为法->国并且国->人.good) A typical case in point, in order to protect its local textile market and lest huge trade deficit, the American government have taken many anti-dumpling policies against the magnanimous Chinese textile products pouring into its market. Consequently, a plenty of Chinese textile companies were closed and numerous labors lost their jobs. What the American government had done not only affected the purchase options of its people but the people's life in China as well. That is the power of a political decision of which made out have protected the benefits of its nation and its people. (nice example with a strong end.试着再强调政策的宏观性,以及影响的微观性,可能可以更好的照应段落开头的思路.比如把有着下划线的句子改成Consequently, numerous labors lost their jobs because a plenty of Chinese texile companies has to be shut down.)

Nevertheless, an unfortunate but true fact is that not all the political decisions and activities serve the greatest benefit to the citizen. (没看出和上一个段落有转折.如果非要转折,上一段应该强调的影响是中国厂的倒闭使得美国人民幸福安康而不是中国人民下岗失业) American too, regardless of the oppositions of its people and people in other nations, and Mr. President Bush pronounced the war against Iraq in the name of free the Iraq people from the tyranny. Hence, complaints can be heard throughout the world. The youth American were conscripted and their parent torn; the Iraq civilian then were living an turbulent life; people in other countries were worrying about their relatives who were working or studying in Iraq. The war lasting for years and its aftermath seems no ends. The fault political decision has corroded people's life with its overpowering permeation. People's life was heavily disturbed by politics, and they were lost themselves in life. (后面的排比形象.划线句子不应该过分侧重政策违背民意以及政策的出发点,还有后面的complaints.通过影响的坏的方面来反映all aspects没错,但是论证最终需要服务的对象仍然是all aspects,不是影响是如何的坏.划线部分的篇幅改成说理来辅佐下面的例子会更好.)

Moreover, not only our life but our thoughts and minds were unconsciously influenced by politics. (一个很不错的跃进.形而下->形而上) We see the colorful life through political leaders; we see the tendency of the society development through political decisions. Scanning over the history, each political event and scandal has aroused widely concern. While we were concerning political scandals, the Watergate event of Nixon for instance, we were then examine the moral and conduct of ourselves and other people who around us. (太宽泛.至少得提到诚信吧.) New political decision can also convert our traditional thoughts, a case in point is that women enjoy higher status then ever before as women-protection clauses increased in Marriage Laws. (这个例子孤立来看可以认为是minds层面的.但是和前面两个body的例子对比起来看它的minds性质不是那么明显.) Politics becomes a window for us to prospect the society situation and social relations. Is there anything can influence our thoughts more but politics?

In sum, the profound significance and far-reaching influence of politics deserve us concern. Nonetheless, we should learn to better involved in but never be overwhelmed in. (这是个全新的观念.似乎从前文无法直接升华得到)

例子应用比较成功,思路也清晰,相当不错了.从考试技巧方面来说没有太多原则性的东西可以说了.

使用道具举报