[a习作temp] argument71 [0710G突击先锋小组]第9次作业 [复制链接]

linti
UID：2364152

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 329
注册时间: 2007-7-16
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2007-7-30 11:06:42 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT71 - Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.

At the first glance, the statement appears convincing. The author gets the conclusion that the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry will decline significantly on the assumption that adopting new copper-extracting technologies. To substantiate the conclusion, the authors points out that the new technologies use up 40 percent less electricity than the old method to the same amount of raw ore. However, careful scrutiny reveals that the evidence can not lend a credible support to the conclusion.

Primarily, the fact that new technologies use up less electricity than the old method to the same amount of raw ore accomplishes nothing towards bolstering the conclusion. There is a good chance that the proportion of copper in the ore in that place is low. Therefore, the new technology will use much more electricity than the old method when the proportion of copper in the ore.

Even if the ore contains high proportion of copper, the author fails to acknowledge the possibility that the usage of the new technology may face certain difficulties. Perhaps the cost of the technology is much higher than the old method. It is equally possible that the high technologies call for high ability of operation which requires the stuff having enough knowledge and skills while the stuff there are badly lacking of such capabilities. Furthermore, the usage of such new technologies may also bring about harmful effects such as the pollution of environment. For example, the machine may release toxic gases, produce poisonous water and make sharp voices.

Even if the method can effectively function, there is no evidence demonstrating that the using of electricity in all the copper-extraction industry will decline significantly. It is highly possible that the usage of electricity in other department of the industry may increase a lot when we adopt the new method.

To sum up, the author’s conclusion is unpersuasive. The argument could be improved by supplying the evidence that the ore there mainly contains high proportion of copper and the method can be carried out without negative effects. Taking into accounts all the factors, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that the usage of new technologies will eventually reduce the usage of electricity.

believe it and do it

回应
0

使用道具举报

mellon_l
UID：2364758

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 244
注册时间: 2007-7-17
精华: 0
帖子: 6

沙发

发表于 2007-7-31 17:20:18 |只看该作者

At the first glance, the statement appears convincing. The author gets the conclusion that the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry will decline significantly on the assumption that adopting new copper-extracting technologies. To substantiate the conclusion, the authors points out that the new technologies use up（to） 40 percent less electricity than the old method to the same amount of raw ore. However, careful scrutiny reveals that the evidence can not lend a credible support to the conclusion.

Primarily, the fact that new technologies use up less electricity than the old method to the same amount of raw ore accomplishes nothing towards bolstering the conclusion. （这里过度一下会更好，提一下文中说的是在high proportion 的情况下）There is a good chance that the proportion of copper in the ore in that place is low. Therefore, the new technology will use much more electricity than the old method when the proportion of copper in the ore.

Even if the ore contains high proportion of copper（这个假设改为even if adopting new method will use less electricity than old method no matter the proportion of copper is high or low要好些，因为题目已经说了含量是不定的）, the author fails to acknowledge the possibility that the usage of the new technology may face certain difficulties. Perhaps the cost of the technology is much higher than the old method. It is equally possible that the high technologies call for high ability of operation which requires the stuff having enough knowledge and skills while the stuff there are badly lacking of such capabilities. Furthermore, the usage of such new technologies may also bring about harmful effects such as the pollution of environment. For example, the machine may release toxic gases, produce poisonous water and make sharp voices（noises）.

Even if the method can effectively function, there is no evidence demonstrating that the using of electricity in all the copper-extraction industry will decline significantly. It is highly possible that the usage of electricity in other department of the industry may increase a lot when we adopt the new method.

To sum up, the author’s conclusion is unpersuasive. The argument could be improved by supplying the evidence that the ore there mainly contains high proportion of copper and the method can be carried out without negative effects. Taking into accounts all the factors, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that the usage of new technologies will eventually reduce the usage of electricity.

除了一点小地方，文章整体都很好，语言流畅，各个反驳也很有根据

使用道具举报

linti
UID：2364152

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 329
注册时间: 2007-7-16
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2007-7-31 17:43:54 |只看该作者

argument71 [0710G突击先锋小组]第9次作业

TOPIC: ARGUMENT71 - Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.

At the first glance, the statement appears convincing. The author gets the conclusion that the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry will decline significantly on the assumption that adopting new copper-extracting technologies. To substantiate the conclusion, the authors points out that the new technologies use up(to) 40 percent less electricity than the old method to the same amount of raw ore. However, careful scrutiny reveals that the evidence can not lend a credible support to the conclusion.

Primarily, the fact that new technologies use up less electricity than the old method to the same amount of raw ore accomplishes nothing towards bolstering the conclusion. (+The new methods are mainly used when the proportion of copper in the ore is high)There is a good chance that the proportion of copper in the ore in that place is low. Therefore, the new technology will use much more electricity than the old method when the proportion of copper in the ore.

Even if the ore contains high proportion of copper, the author fails to acknowledge the possibility that the usage of the new technology may face certain difficulties. Perhaps the cost of the technology is much higher than the old method. It is equally possible that the high technologies call for high ability of operation which requires the stuff having enough knowledge and skills while the stuff there are badly lacking of such capabilities. Furthermore, the usage of such new technologies may also bring about harmful effects such as the pollution of environment. For example, the machine may release toxic gases, produce poisonous water and make sharp noises.

Even if the method can effectively function, there is no evidence demonstrating that the using of electricity in all the copper-extraction industry will decline significantly. It is highly possible that the usage of electricity in other department of the industry may increase a lot when we adopt the new method.

To sum up, the author’s conclusion is unpersuasive. The argument could be improved by supplying the evidence that the ore there mainly contains high proportion of copper and the method can be carried out without negative effects. Taking into accounts all the factors, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that the usage of new technologies will eventually reduce the usage of electricity.

谢谢修改，辛苦了

believe it and do it

使用道具举报