[i习作temp] issue141 [0710G +U]小组第4次作业 [复制链接]

warlock
UID: 2364623

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 95
注册时间: 2007-7-17
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2007-7-28 22:16:39 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
WORDS: 488
As we all know individuality is of great importance to success, on the other side, however, after a scrutiny study on the celebrities who achieve great attachment, we will draw the conclusion that success, based on the conformity, makes its way accompanied by individuality. In another way, individual should abide with the social and economical conformity.

To begin with, individuality is a necessity to one's success. Consider such a situation: ten apples exposed to one person, what will he choose? In a common sense, he will choose the one with appealing aspect, attractive figure, and delicious taste at first glance. That is the individuality. Nowadays in the world, our eyes and ears are filled up with all kinds of commodities, even excessively. What will we do when we encounter Colgate and Crest, two famous kinds of toothpaste? Just the same as the apples: appearance, smell, and utility. Similarly, when Henry Ford made his first car, and when Bill Gates made his first "Windows", how surprised the civilians were! As a milestone in its individual realm, it's really hard to originate such an idea, and more difficult to fulfill such a goal, in which practical purpose and aesthetic attitude ascend to a climax. Their success is doubtless: Cars are considered as one of the most important communications and "Windows" are wildly used all over the globe.

However, as i assert, if the individuality goes so far that it gets to a point out of the reach of the masses, so called "detaching from conformity", the results will make us frustrated. If an apple looks perfect, while tastes far away from our notion, any one with common sense, i think, will discard such a beauty. In the business area, for example, a famous computer company named "Apple" failed after a popularity among the elite, because computers by the company is applied to only a handful of people, and the masses feel dissatisfied to accept such a fashion .It is to say, "Apple" betrayed the conformity and he got his revenge: failure. We can see in this event that, custom, considered as a conformity share by a society or even by the whole human beings represented by the masses, plays a basic role in the sales of productions which significantly define "success" and "failure".

In a smaller scale, conformity is defined as "cooperation", and Partner's association plays an equally dispensable part in the competition during the process of globalization. Were Gates to have no assistants and partners to run his company, no matter how intelligent, he would remain a nameless sophomore after his escape from Harvard University.

In sum, comparing to the phrase "failure is the mother of success", I would like to indicate that "success is the son of conformity with the help of the friend individuality", because no one could leave the earthly community and live absolutely on his own, together with the fact that, in the human nature, individuality is much more attractive than trivial situation.

回应
0

使用道具举报

ddbear
UID: 2275294

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 507
注册时间: 2006-11-20
精华: 0
帖子: 2

沙发

发表于 2007-7-29 20:06:12 |只看该作者

ddbear修改：

As we all know individuality is of great importance to success, on the other side, however, after a scrutiny study on the celebrities who achieve great attachment [achievement], we will draw the conclusion that success, based on the conformity, makes its way accompanied by individuality. In another way, individual should abide with the social and economical conformity.

To begin with, individuality is a necessity to one's success. Consider such a situation: ten apples exposed to one person, what [which?] will he choose? In a common sense, he will choose the one with appealing aspect, attractive figure, and delicious taste at first glance. That is the individuality. Nowadays in the world, our eyes and ears are filled up with all kinds of commodities, even excessively. What will [should?] we do when we encounter Colgate and Crest [omg~~你竟然记得住牙膏的牌子，看来我以后要少用中华;) ], two famous kinds of toothpaste? Just the same as the apples: appearance, smell, and utility. Similarly, when Henry Ford made his first car, and when Bill Gates made his first "Windows", how surprised the civilians were! As a milestone in its individual realm, it's really hard to originate such an idea, and more difficult to fulfill such a goal, in which practical purpose and aesthetic attitude ascend to a climax. Their success is [their——is?换一个吧] doubtless: Cars are considered as one of the most important communications and "Windows" are wildly [widely] used all over the globe.

However, as I assert, if the individuality goes so far that it gets to a point out of the reach of the masses, so called "detaching from conformity", the results will make us frustrated. If an apple looks perfect, while tastes far away from our notion, any one with [好像有a把] common sense, I think, [前面的词都那么好，这里就不要用I think之类的了~] will discard such a beauty. In the business area, for example, a famous computer company named "Apple" failed after a popularity among the elite, because computers by the company [?from?] is applied to only a handful of people, and the masses feel dissatisfied to accept such a fashion. It is to say, "Apple" betrayed the conformity and he got his revenge: [the?] failure. We can see in this event that, custom, considered as a conformity share by a society or even by the whole human beings represented by the masses, plays a basic role in the sales of productions which significantly define "success" and "failure".

In a smaller scale, conformity is defined as "cooperation", and Partner's association plays an equally dispensable [?indispensable吧] part in the competition during the process of globalization. Were [这是什么用法？] Gates to have no assistants and partners to run his company, no matter how intelligent, he would remain a nameless sophomore after his escape from Harvard University.

In sum, comparing to the phrase "failure is the mother of success", I would like to indicate that "success is the son of conformity with the help of the friend individuality", because no one could leave the earthly community and live absolutely on his own, together with the fact that, in the human nature, individuality is much more attractive than trivial situation.

[ 本帖最后由 ddbear 于 2007-7-29 20:10 编辑 ]

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

使用道具举报

ddbear
UID: 2275294

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 507
注册时间: 2006-11-20
精华: 0
帖子: 2

板凳

发表于 2007-7-29 20:09:29 |只看该作者

昨天第一次看，一点毛病没看出来，呵呵，今天终于让我逮住几个
well~ I like this issue~
不知道ets老人家喜不喜欢

使用道具举报

cofeebean
UID: 2289548

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 355
注册时间: 2007-1-3
精华: 0
帖子: 2

地板

发表于 2007-8-2 21:10:17 |只看该作者

As we all know[议论文中少用I think, we know这些短语] individuality is of great importance to success, on the other side, however[去掉，与前面短语重复], after a scrutiny study on the celebrities who achieve great attachment, we will draw the conclusion that success, based on the conformity, makes its way accompanied by individuality[这句写得很好]. In another way, individual should abide with the social and economical conformity.
To begin with, individuality is a necessity to one's success. Consider such a situation: ten apples exposed to one person, what will he choose? In a common sense, he will choose the one with appealing aspect, attractive figure, and delicious taste at first glance. That is the individuality. Nowadays in the world, our eyes and ears are filled up with all kinds of commodities, even excessively. What will we do when we encounter Colgate and Crest, two famous kinds of toothpaste? Just the same as the apples: appearance, smell, and utility. Similarly, when Henry Ford made his first car, and when Bill Gates made his first "Windows", how surprised the civilians[是不是改成customs顾客] were! As a milestone in its individual realm, it's really hard to originate such an idea, and more difficult to fulfill such a goal, in which practical purpose and aesthetic attitude ascend to a climax[很好]. Their success is doubtless: Cars are considered as one of the most important communications and "Windows" are[is] wildly used all over the globe.
However, as i assert, if the individuality goes so far that it gets to a point out of the reach of the masses, so[去掉] called "detaching from conformity", the results will make us frustrated. If an apple looks perfect, while tastes far away from our notion, any one with common sense, i think[去掉],will discard such a beauty. In the business area, for example, a famous computer company named "Apple" failed after a popularity among the elite[这句话不太明白，语法上也有问题，after 引导一个短语？], because computers [produced] by the company is applied to only a handful of people, and the masses feel dissatisfied to accept such a fashion .It is to say, "Apple" betrayed the conformity and he got his revenge: failure. We can see in this event that, custom, considered as a conformity share by a society or even by the whole human beings represented by the masses, plays a basic role in the sales of productions which significantly define "success" and "failure".
In a smaller scale, conformity is defined as "cooperation", and Partner's association plays an equally dispensable part in the competition during the process of globalization. Were Gates to have no assistants and partners to run his company[这句很好，是倒装吧，楞了两秒才看出来], no matter how intelligent, he would remain a nameless sophomore after his escape[escaping] from Harvard University.
In sum, comparing to the phrase "failure is the mother of success", I would like to indicate that "success is the son of conformity with the help of the friend individuality", because no one could leave the earthly community and live absolutely on his own, together with the fact that, in the human nature, individuality is much more attractive than trivial situation.
[总评：
正文一写得非常好，例子贴切，论证并行。值得学习啊！！！！
牙膏的例子可以省省放在第三段，显然时间不够了，呵呵。
据说刚限时总是这样，质量有所下降，因为没有时间推敲。慢慢会好些]

使用道具举报