[a习作temp] argument196 [奋战August] 自己改过了，还望大家多拍！谢谢 [复制链接]

kyky7
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楼主

发表于 2007-7-28 20:10:27 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT196 - Sadly, widespread negative images of businesspeople have been created in large part by television. Consider the fact that, although they make up a mere 10 percent of the characters in dramatic roles on television, businesspeople are responsible for about one-fifth of all the crime on television shows. In fact, in a recent survey of television producers, only 35 percent of the television roles for businesspeople were viewed as positive ones.
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This argument was well presented, but not thoroughly reasoned. Relying on the
mere fact that about one-fifth of all the crime on the television shows was related with businesspeople who make up a mere 10 percent of the characters in dramatic roles on television, and a survey indicating that only 35 percent of the television roles for businesspeople were viewed as positive ones, the arguer reached the conclusion that widespread images of businesspeople have been created in large part by television, which seems logical at the first glance.

First, the images of businesspeople were not created only by television. there are many others ways to create the images, such as newspaper, radio, internet news, ect. People do not concentrate their attention on television all day. They have alternative ways to get in touch with the society.

Second, the image of business people is determined by the editor who always puts his own ideas into a drama so that the drama does not comply with the real situation on 100 percent. In addition, the theme of a drama depends on most of the audience's tastes, which fluctuated by the fashion.

Third, the arguer fails to convince us that the statistical evidence was valid or representative. The results of the survey is not objective if it covers only a short term of the development of television dramas or only a small scale of all the themes.

Last but not the least, "positive" is a vague concept whose identification varies from individuals. A businessman, who is honest to his friends, brave and vigorous in intellectual creation, may violate laws slightly in the process to seek out the maximum profits with the least cost consciouslessly.
Then the identification about whether he is positive or negative was significantly influenced by individual's value.

In sum, the arguer’s reasoning is questionable and cannot convince us. Before any final conclusion, he should collect more valid details about a large scope of television dramas and evaluate all the possible alternatives and causes for the creation of the images with respect to businesspeople.

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dg336688
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沙发

发表于 2007-7-29 12:24:43 |只看该作者

This argument was well presented, but not thoroughly reasoned. Relying on the mere fact that about one-fifth of all the crime on the television shows was related with businesspeople who make up a mere 10 percent of the characters in dramatic roles on television, and a survey indicating that only 35 percent of the television roles for businesspeople were viewed as positive ones, the arguer reached the conclusion that widespread images of businesspeople have been created in large part by television, which seems logical at the first glance but fairly assertive.(第一段開頭不錯哈，最後一句Which前面要不要逗號啊？我語法差，全憑感覺~)

First, the images of businesspeople were not created only by television. there are many others ways to create the images, such as newspaper, radio, internet news, ect. People do not concentrate their attention on television all day. They have alternative ways to get in touch with the society.（最後一句是想說什麽？）

Second, the image of business people is determined by the editor who always puts his own ideas into a drama so that the drama does not comply with the real situation completely. In addition, the theme of a drama depends on most of the audience's tastes, which fluctuated by the fashion.(所以要反駁原文中哪個觀點？要點明)

Third, the arguer fails to convince us that the statistical evidence was valid or representative. The results of the survey is not objective if it covers only a short term of the development of television dramas or only all the themes in small scales.

Last but not the least, "positive" is a vague concept whose identification varies from individuals. A businessman, who is honest to his friends, brave and vigorous in intellectual creation, may violate laws slightly in the process to seek out the maximum profits with the least cost consciouslessly.Then the identification about whether he is positive or negative was significantly influenced by individual's value.（這個點找得不錯哈）

In sum, the arguer’s reasoning is questionable and cannot convince us. Before any final conclusion, he should collect more valid details about a large scope of television dramas and evaluate all the possible alternatives and causes for the creation of the images with respect to businesspeople.（不錯，發展一下就更好了）

[ 本帖最后由 dg336688 于 2007-7-29 12:43 编辑 ]

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