[a习作temp] argument47 [0710G　＋U Aug小组]第11次作业 [复制链接]

icefirekk
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2007-8-4 23:32:36 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

47. Scientists studying historical weatherpatterns have discovered that in the mid-sixth century, Earth suddenly becamesignificantly cooler. Although few historical records survive from that time,some accounts found both in Asia and Europemention a dimming of the sun and extremely cold temperatures. Either a hugevolcanic eruption or a large meteorite colliding with Earth could have createda large dust cloud throughout Earth's atmosphere that would have been capableof blocking enough sunlight to lower global temperatures significantly. A largemeteorite collision, however, would probably create a sudden bright flash oflight, and no extant historical records of the time mention such a flash. Somesurviving Asian historical records of the time, however, mention a loud boomthat would be consistent with a volcanic eruption. Therefore, the cooling wasprobably caused by a volcanic eruption.

WORDS: 363 TIME: 00:30:00 DATE: 2007--4 23:23:00

The assertion that the cooling weather inthe mid-sixth century is probably caused by a volcanic eruption is irrational,the evidences the author cites do not lead strong support his or herargumentation. To convey my viewpoint more clearly let me illustrate it indetail.

Formost, the significant cooler weather inthe mid-sixth century is not proved to be conving enough since no evidenceexists there to indicate temperature decling. It is possible that human beingscan mistaken the fact by merely their feelings while clothing, emotion or socan play a important role in peoples’ determing how the weather changing. Also,it is commonly acknowledged that variance in temperature in history is ordianryrational phonemenon and the author doesn’t give data on how cooler the weatherbe like due to peoples’ feelings.

Secondly, evidence is found in Asia andEurope mentioned a dimming in sun and extremely cold temperatures, seems to methat it doesn’t ensure the author to draw the conclusion that only the dimmingof sun cause the extreme cold temperature. Possibilities wich can cause thetemperature to decle can be irregular ocean current circulation and series ofcumulative earth disasters. When does the dimming of sun happens is notmentioned in the argument, which subsizes the validity of the assertion if the dimmingof sun is latter event in time, thus it has no responsibility to the coldtemperature.

Thirdly, the notion that the dimming of sunis mostly caused by volcanic eruption since no flash of metorite collison canbe found in historic documentation is too brief. No extant records mention theflash during that period mention the flash of collison doesn’t means thatpossibility that the records have ruined due to time and people who see theflash don’t know how to keep record of it is unexist. Adittionally, the chancethat the loud boom recorded in the documentation is exactly the one which causethe dimming of sun and subsequently the extremely cold temperature is remote.

To sum up, the author draws his conclusionto hasty, based on several unreliable evidence. To convince me the authorshould provide more related strong proof and a better reasoning.

字数出问题了，现在经常时间不够，观点根本无法展开写。
估计得采取：300字作文，尽量少写错词错句的策略
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Satanic
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沙发

发表于 2007-8-6 00:49:48 |只看该作者

Scientists studying historical weatherpatterns have discovered that in the mid-sixth century, Earth suddenly becamesignificantly cooler. Although few historical records survive from that time,some accounts found both in Asia and Europemention a dimming of the sun and[ extremely cold temperatures]. Either a hugevolcanic eruption or a large meteorite colliding with Earth could have createda large dust cloud throughout Earth's atmosphere that would have been capableof blocking enough sunlight to lower global temperatures significantly. A largemeteorite collision, however, would probably create a sudden bright flash oflight, and no extant historical records of the time mention such a flash. Somesurviving Asian historical records of the time, however, mention a loud boomthat would be consistent with a volcanic eruption. Therefore, the cooling wasprobably caused by a volcanic eruption.

The assertion that the cooling weather inthe mid-sixth century is probably caused by a volcanic eruption is irrational,the evidences the author cites do not lead strong support his or herargumentation. To convey my viewpoint more clearly let me illustrate it indetail.
Formost, the significant cooler weather inthe mid-sixth century is not proved to be conving enough since no evidenceexists there to indicate temperature decling. It is possible that human beingscan mistaken the fact by merely their feelings while clothing, emotion or socan play a important role in peoples’ determing how the weather changing. Also,it is commonly acknowledged that variance in temperature in history is ordianryrational phonemenon and the author doesn’t give data on how cooler the weatherbe like due to peoples’ feelings.[这个攻击～～在题目中好像是既成事实，看我文中标注。我觉得是攻击为什么冷的原因，而不是有多冷。文中说了becamesignificantly cooler，不管冷多少，只要冷了，就要找原因，你觉得呢？]
Secondly, evidence is found in Asia andEurope mentioned a dimming in sun and extremely cold temperatures, seems to methat it doesn’t ensure the author to draw the conclusion that only the dimmingof sun cause the extreme cold temperature. Possibilities wich can cause thetemperature to decle can be irregular ocean current circulation and series ofcumulative earth disasters. When does the dimming of sun happens is notmentioned in the argument, which subsizes the validity of the assertion if the dimmingof sun is latter event in time, thus it has no responsibility to the coldtemperature.[忍不住要说了，你的攻击点是什么？是造成寒冷的因素对吧。你前面几句都攻击，从WHEN开始突然话锋一转，到攻击事件去了。我想说，一段最好攻击一个点，把它攻击透，要攻击得精彩。第二，你最后一句可以用一句话点出，CORELATION and casual relation。点出来，再列举其它发生的可能，岂不是更好？我的意思是分开2段，都攻击透。]
Thirdly, the notion that the dimming of sunis mostly caused by volcanic eruption since no flash of metorite collison canbe found in historic documentation is too brief. No extant records mention theflash during that period mention the flash of collison doesn’t means thatpossibility that the records have ruined due to time and people who see theflash don’t know how to keep record of it is unexist. Adittionally, the chancethat the loud boom recorded in the documentation is exactly the one which causethe dimming of sun and subsequently the extremely cold temperature is remote.[最后一句话是什么意思？]
To sum up, the author draws his conclusionto hasty, based on several unreliable evidence. To convince me the authorshould provide more related strong proof and a better reasoning.

字数出问题了，现在经常时间不够，观点根本无法展开写。
估计得采取：300字作文，尽量少写错词错句的策略
如何？欢迎探讨
[经过最近新东方GRE的课程，我对A提高了重视程度和认识，A要找准攻击点，一段一个攻击点，分四个层次进行攻击，第一，让步第二，陈述错误第三，反例，第四 “再踩一脚” 按照这个层次写下来就很清晰而且驳论有力。你可以参考。你I论据很多词汇很广，A要更加提高。别说我拍重了啊，我A也在努力中。你也看看我的这篇，往死里拍啊，哈多谢 ]

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