[a习作temp] ARGUMENT53 求拍～ [复制链接]

mabla
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-8-9 22:21:51 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 357 TIME: 00:40:00 DATE: 2007-8-9 21:24:45

P1开头
P2婴儿shyness和秋天也许根本没有关系，巧合
P3 melatonin和婴儿shyness也许没有因果联系
P4以后阶段的shyness也许和infancy shyness没关系
P5总结

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. The author conclude that melatonin cause shyness of infants from the fact that 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress were more likely to have been concieved in early autumn and their mothers produce melatonin in autumn. There are many faults and flaws in the argument.
Firstly, the sample size of the study may be too small to reflect the trend of all babies and the shy infants may not have trait as born in autumn. The study objects are 25 babies and this trait of autumn-born are not necessarily the trait of most infants with shyness. Maybe the fact that these 25 infants are more likely to have been born in autumn is just a coincidence that do not exist if more infants are involved in this research.
Secondly, suppose it is true that shy infants are more likely to been born in autumn, this co-relationship of increase production of melatonin of their mothers and shyness of infants may not be a cause-and-effect relationship. It is of high possibility that other factors as the temperature pattern, the climate, even the solar activity are the real cause of the shyness of the infants. What is more, even if the cause is from the mother, maybe other substances production of the mothers is changed by autumn and it was these substances that make the influence.
Thirdly, the shyness of the infant phrase and the shyness in later life may have no direct relationship. It is possible that the shyness of later life is caused by different reasons, such as social influence. Moreover, people who were not shy in their infancy may also have a possibility of 50% to become shy in their later life. Thus, the evidences are not adequate to prove that the shyness “last” into later life.
Overall, both the relationship between shyness and autumn and the relationship between shyness and melatonin are not well proved. And the shyness in infancy and other period of life may not have direct relations. Before any more details and evidence are given, the author’s conclusion is illogical and not convincing.

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SavileRow
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沙发

发表于 2007-8-10 21:22:42 |只看该作者

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. The author conclude(concludes) that melatonin cause shyness of infants from the fact that 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress were more likely to have been concieved(conceived) in early autumn and their mothers produce melatonin in autumn（不是在秋天产生，而是在秋天会更多）. There are many faults and flaws in the argument.
Firstly, the sample size of the study may be too small to reflect the trend of all babies and the shy infants may not have trait as born in autumn. The study objects are 25 babies and this trait of autumn-born are not necessarily the trait of most infants with shyness. Maybe the fact that these 25 infants are more likely to have been born in autumn is just a coincidence that do not exist if more infants are involved in this research.
感觉这个错误写得不够充分
Secondly, suppose it is true that shy infants are more likely to been born in autumn, this co-relationship of increase production of melatonin of their mothers and shyness of infants may not be a cause-and-effect relationship. It is of high possibility that other factors as the temperature pattern, the climate, even the solar activity are the real cause of the shyness of the infants. What is more, even if the cause is from the mother, maybe other substances（最好加上影响大脑功能的这个限定） production of the mothers is changed by autumn and it was these substances that make the influence.

Thirdly, the shyness of the infant phrase and the shyness in later life may have no direct relationship. It is possible that the shyness of later life is caused by different reasons, such as social influence.（具体说怎么影响的？要写出细节来） Moreover, people who were not shy in their infancy may also have a possibility of 50% to become shy in their later life.（这句话的证据在哪？） Thus, the evidences are not adequate to prove that the shyness “last” into later life.
Overall, both the relationship between shyness and autumn and the relationship between shyness and melatonin are not well proved. And the shyness in infancy and other period of life may not have direct relations. Before any more details and evidence are given, the author’s conclusion is illogical and not convincing.

我可能是只看了北美范文
最后一段看北美都写的是还需要什么什么证据来支持
还有，我也可能是受了北美的影响
我觉得段落的结构不怎么完整，北美里的每一段都有一句话在最末对本段进行总结。
以上纯粹是参考，因为我只看过北美。

[ 本帖最后由 SavileRow 于 2007-8-10 21:28 编辑 ]

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