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[活动] 【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】XLWXXY1月3日作文 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-1-3 20:22:49 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Some people like friends to be humor considering that human can make relax and relieves the pressure from work and study. As far as I concerted, I more like to make friends with intelligent.
As passions is philosophy and intelligent of emotion. Intelligent is very significant for human being to increase their passion. And without passion, we cannot deal with the crestfallen and frustration thing in our life. A friend with intelligent is more capable to know you and has better spiritual senses with you. With a friend understands you well, you will not feel lonely even you have long distant with each other.
Additionally, friends with intelligent can give you valuable suggestions. When one are in defeated situation, intelligent friend will likely to analysis the problem with you and give you useful advices to pass them. It really encouraged.  Friends with humor can bring you a moment of happy, but they might not have the same sense with you and give you reliable advices. After a period of laugh, one can gain nothing and even will feel more lonely and depression.
What is more, intelligent friends have more knowledge, they insight the issue more deeply. Communicate with them, one can be able to gain more education and be smarter in analyzing accidents.
In conclusion, I really like friends with intelligent. We can support each other and won’t feel lonely because you know someone understand you. We also can exchange our views after deeply thinking, and developing ourselves together.
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沙发
发表于 2009-1-3 22:31:43 |只看该作者

1.1号习作

1.1日作业 agree or disagree that nowadays people are too much emphasized on appearance and fashion.06.7.15

As the development of modern life, besides substance enjoyments, people struggle for spiritual enjoyments. Ancient time, people suffer from starvation, they definitely have no more energy to concentrate on appearances. As nowadays economic developed, people can have more leisure time for spiritual enjoyments as pursuit for diversity appearances and fashions.

Appearances reflect one’s characteristic and taste. As in most cosmopolises, commercials are abundance, especially the costumes. As girls like shopping, when they go shopping, most time are searching for gorgeous clothes. Especially the young girls, distinctly we can see young girls with colorful make ups and engaging dresses walking around in shopping malls. They enjoy making themselves special from others, they need to be diverse from other people, they need people pay more attentions. Increasing number of teenagers is self-expansive and self-aggrandized. This is the result of highly substance developments. More clothes from all over the word exchanges. People pursuit the most distinctive ones for themselves, they consider this as an entertainment.

Another thing people emphasized the appearance is they consider appearance reflect one’s decency. Imaging that we see a person with dirty and ugly appearance, we may feel disgust and affection for our appetites for one day long. So clean and appropriate appearance is good for ourselves and also for others. It is a courteous to have appropriate appearance. If citizens behaviors with grace and urbanity, it will be euphoria between us. It is etiquette to have good appearances.

On the other side, we should pay attention to appearances, but don’t devote too much energy on it. Decent and clean is enough. As work and study need one to be more concentrated on, appearance and fashion are not the most significant for us. Inner enjoyment as reading a book, gaining knowledge will bring us more blissful senses. Spiritual enjoyment and sense of happy should be complete, as Aristotle’s ethic theory saying. Complete cannot be received from outside appearance, it is a sense after deep thinking. So besides extrinsic things, one should develop our intrinsic value to gain the real happiness.  

In conclusion, as the development of human culture, appearance and fashion definitely is one of the pop thing people pursuits, it is a characteristic reflection of people in some aspects. But as most happy thing must gain from practical thinking, people should pay more attentions to absorb knowledges.



mpromanus的评论:

不好意思,现在不再细改整篇,大致的看来主要有以下几个问题:

语言:破碎的句子很多,尤其一直会犯的就是as后面没有跟完整的句子;有很明显的中文逐字翻译凑句而不是用英文的句法写作的痕迹。

论述:问题是agree or disagree,第一段要明确指出自己是agree或者disagree;论点是现代人是否比过去更*强调*外表的*重要*,要反驳也是反驳 现代人并不比过去更强调外表,而不是现代人不应该过于注重外表 - 你现在反驳段的观点是典型的以自己的道德观论题而不是就题论题。


谢谢!

[ 本帖最后由 xlwxxy 于 2009-1-4 09:00 编辑 ]

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板凳
发表于 2009-1-4 11:59:28 |只看该作者

Some people like friends to be (humorous )considering that (they )can make relax and relieves the pressure from work and study. As far as I concerted, I more like to make friends with intelligent.

As passions is philosophy and intelligent of emotion. Intelligent is very significant for (people )being to increase their passion. And without passion, we (can not) deal with the crestfallen and frustration (things) in our life. A friend with intelligent is more capable to know you and has better spiritual senses with you. With a friend understands you well, you will not feel lonely even you have long distant with each other. (感觉理由欠妥啊)

Additionally, friends with intelligent can give you valuable suggestions. When one are in defeated situation, intelligent friend will likely to analysis the problem with you and give you useful advices to pass them. It really encouraged.  Friends with humor can bring you a moment of happy, but they might not have the same sense with you anddon’tgive you reliable advices. After a period of laugh, one can gain nothing and even will feel more lonely and depression. What is more, intelligent friends have more knowledge, they insight the issue more deeply. Communicate with them, one can be able to gain more education and be smarter in analyzing various things.
In conclusion, I really like friends with intelligent. We can support each other and won’t feel lonely because you know someone understand you. We also can exchange our views after deeply thinking, and developing ourselves together.

.



楼主作文结构不错,让人一目了然,能够围绕一个中心说理。但是一些理由有些牵强,呵呵。并且文章有些短。
仅为我个人看法,多多交流啊。

[ 本帖最后由 ningstory 于 2009-1-4 12:06 编辑 ]

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地板
发表于 2009-1-4 20:42:36 |只看该作者

回复 #3 ningstory 的帖子

最近在听TTC的passion的课程,就用上了.
似乎有点难理解.是论证得不够充分的原因吧.
后来想想也知道很多地方要补充说明一下.



谢谢点评!

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