[a习作temp] ARGUMENT71 JET小组第六次作业猛拍啊 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2008-2-15 20:59:30 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目：ARGUMENT71 - Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.
字数：547
In this argument, the author claims that by adopting new method of copper-extracting technologies, the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry would decline significantly. To substantiate this claim, the author points that the method of new copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than old method, especially used ores whose proportion of copper is high; and that every copper extraction industry would adopt the new method. After a close scrutiny, however, in several respects, there is little credible evidence supporting this argument.

First of all, the threshold problem with the argument is that the author concludes that the new method will save more electricity than the old method. However, the author provides no information and evidences to support that new method will save more electricity than the old method, when new method used on the ore whose proportion of copper is low. As the author said, the way of extracting pure copper from ore required large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. It is high possible that when extracting coppers from the ore whose proportion of copper is low, the new method will cost no less amount of electricity than the old method. Lacking enough information and statistics to rule out the possibility, the author can not draw a conclusion that the new method will save electricity than the old one.

Secondly, even assuming the new method can save electricity, whether in the ore whose proportion of copper is high or in the ore whose proportion of copper is low, the author cannot claims that every copper-extraction industry would adopt the new methods. It is impossible for us to know whether the new method will increase the revenue of industry. Perhaps the way of using the new method is too difficult to master, many small industry would not do favor of the new method. Or perhaps if adopting the new method, the cost of industry will increase so that all industry would prefer to the old method. Without in details analyzing these and such other factors, the author can not expect us to take seriously that every industry would adopt the new methods.

Finally, even assuming every industry has adopted the new methods, the author cannot assert that the amount of electricity will decline significantly. The author fails to account into the possibility that due to the new method, the amount of extracted copper will increase therefore the additional amount of electricity of extracted copper will offset the amount of saved electricity. The total amount of electricity would maintain the same as the old level even surpass the old level. Without sufficiently taking into the possibility, the author can not conclude than the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry will decline.

In sum, the author can not convince me that by adopting the new method of copper-extracting technology, the amount of electricity will incline in every copper-extraction industry. To better evaluate this argument, I would need more information that the new method will save electricity than old one in the ore whose proportion of copper is low. Furthermore, the author need provide evidence that every industry would adopt the new method and rule out abovementioned possibilities which will undermine this argument.

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沙发

发表于 2008-2-20 23:03:31 |只看该作者

题目：ARGUMENT71 - Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.
字数：547
In this argument, the author claims that by adopting new method of copper-extracting technologies, the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry would decline significantly. To substantiate this claim, the author points (out) that the method of new copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than old method, especially used ores whose proportion of copper is high(这句不对，还是用原句吧); and that every copper extraction industry would adopt the new method. After a close scrutiny, however, in several respects, there is little credible evidence supporting this argument.（这句比较模板，加一些这个题目独有的东西可能比较好）

First of all, the threshold problem with the argument is that the author concludes that the new method will save more electricity than the old method. However, the author provides no information and evidences to support that new method will save more electricity than the old method（和上句重复了可以改成assertion）, when new method used on the ore whose proportion of copper is low. As the author said, the way of extracting pure copper from ore required large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. It is high possible that when extracting coppers from the ore whose proportion of copper is low, the new method will cost no less amount of electricity than the old method.（这句挺好，很清楚） Lacking enough information and statistics to rule out the possibility, the author can not draw a conclusion that the new method will save electricity than the old one.

Secondly, even assuming the new method can save electricity, whether in the ore whose proportion of copper is high or in the ore whose proportion of copper is low,（是想表达不管在含量高还是含量低的ore里的意思的话表达不对） the author cannot claims that every copper-extraction industry would adopt the new methods. It is impossible for us to know whether the new method will increase the revenue of industry. Perhaps the way of using the new method is too difficult to master, many small industry would not do favor of the new method.（这个我没想到） Or perhaps if adopting the new method, the cost of industry will increase so that all industry would prefer to the old method. Without in details analyzing these and such other factors, the author can not expect us to take seriously that every industry would adopt the new methods.

Finally, even assuming every industry has adopted the new methods, the author cannot assert that the amount of electricity will decline significantly. The author fails to account into（take into account） the possibility that due to the new method, the amount of extracted copper will increase therefore the additional amount of electricity of extracted copper will offset the amount of saved electricity.（这句真好） The total amount of electricity would maintain the same as the old level even surpass the old level. Without sufficiently taking into the possibility, the author can not conclude than the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry will decline.

In sum, the author can not convince me that by adopting the new method of copper-extracting technology, the amount of electricity will incline in every copper-extraction industry. To better evaluate this argument, I would need more information that the new method will save electricity than old one in the ore whose proportion of copper is low. Furthermore, the author need provide evidence that every industry would adopt the new method and rule out abovementioned possibilities which will undermine this argument.

写的还挺好，字数也不错，小的词组可以更注意一下

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