[求助] 作文求批~~~~~~ [复制链接]

Roommate plays an important role in everyday life during college, and we have to spend a large amount time with them. If we couldn't get along well, life would be tough to some extent. As it to me (As to me/ as it seems to me), good roommate should be considerate, obliging and they should share similar interest with me (and we can share similar interest), and I will describe these features in details below. First, one of the most important qualities of roommate is considerateness. (这里你还可以进一步阐述一下你的原因。记住，在一个段落的开头尽量让别人明晰你的观点，如：first, consideratness occupies the position of most consequence in my system of judging friends, for this quality leads to the road of understanding and creats cheerful sparks for friendship). Good roommate is supposed to care about other people and keep her promises, which plays an essential part in building good relationship (这个句型你已经用过一次，你需要找到能够代替这个句式的东东。建议作如下修改： An ideal roomate always possesses a thoughtful heart, keeping her promises so that keeps a strong tie between friends.). Once I lived with a girl who used my thing without even asking, for example sweater or papers, and she never cleaned the bathroom when it was her turn. She never changed these bad habits even I talked to her several times, so I moved out and found another apartment because I could never stand (I could hardly stand 更好)sharing a room with a person who was so careless about others（这句话可以写得更生动一些： I could hardly stand sharing a room with a person who makes everything into such a mass）. Recently, I lived with a girl named Jenny who cares about others so much (who fits my picture of ideal roomates 本文太多的cares about others, 可能lz希望能够换用一些其他表达但是苦于大脑中没有积累，我这里运用了一种比喻的手法写这个句子，希望对LZ有所启发。), for example, Jenny always turns down the television after I go to bed. To me, considerateness is the first feature of good roommate.In addition, good roommate should be obliging, and is willing to help others （感觉这个观点和上面的那个有一点重复）. Being a college students means that you leave parents and live an independent life, so to some extent roommate is our family. Sometimes emergencies occur, and that's when we need somebody to be there for us. We could get sick due to the hard work, or involved in an car accident, and maybe have some financial problems which insurance couldn't cover. At this time, a good roommate should come to me, and help me out of the mess. She should encourage me to stick out and never give up, support me mentally and sometimes financially, walks me through the hard time. All the help she offers to me during the emergency will not only make her more reliable but also improve our friendship.Furthermore, things turn better when roommate shares the same interest with us, which is essential to build a long-term friendship （建议LZ，少用定语从句，其实老外都不是特别喜欢定语从句的，一般在学术性比较高的文章中才会多次使用定语从句，这里你可以用 making an essential part in building a long-term friendship 都要好一些）. When we share room with someone who share same interest with us, we could do a lot of things together. For example, if we're interested in comedy film, it's great to watch some videos, and laugh together. Or if we all love playing basketball, we could not only enjoying the natural beauty outside but also have fun together. During a basketball game, the spirit of cooperation and teamwork will certainly make us closer. And that's a good way to make friends.In sum, we could get along well with roommates who are considerate, obliging and share the same interest with us. Furthermore, to some extent, roommates with such features may become friends for a life time.

由于时间仓促， 改得比较粗糙， 望LZ见谅.