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雅典城的包子
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-8-13 16:54:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由雅典城的包子于 2010-8-13 16:56 编辑

8月12日作业
"Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people(especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths andaccomplishments, you will never get successful in life."

Everyone is working hard to get successfulduring his lifetime, but if it depends on other people's awareness of hisstrengths and accomplishments? Does it really exist a bondage between one'ssuccess and other's pros? In my view, it does. It will be very hard for oneperson to succeed if other people, especially influential people and hisemployers have no idea about his achievements.

First of all, in my opinion, showing othersaccomplishments and strengths is also an essential ability to succeed. Nowadaysas the society develops, good education and huge amounts of information isaccessible to more and more people in the world, which means that more and morepeople will have the same ability and could achieve accomplishments of the samelevel. So it is the ability to show yourself that mainly decides your futureand if you could success in life. For instance, my elder brother works inTokyo, where many excellent people gather and look for chances to besuccessful. Good as my brother is, there are hundreds of people have thesimilar ability and strengths as he does. However he could find chances to showhimself to his employer and he is very eloquent, as a result his employer isquite acquaint with his strengths and he is very successful now. So it is important for one person to show himself properly if he wants to get success inhis lifetime.

Secondly, I think opportunity is one of themost important factors that decide whether a person will get successful in hislife. However, if a person could get opportunity almost relies on theaccomplishments he has and if his employer is aware of his accomplishments. Forexample, Vincent Van Gogh painted wonderfully, but people who had seen hismasterpieces weren't capable to savor them. Therefore desperately and poorly hekilled himself, finally he didn't get successful during his lifetime althoughpeople in today's world value his paintings very much. Thus, other people'sawareness of one's strengths is a key to the opportunity of success, without itsuccess will be hard to achieve.

On the contrary, almost every person whomakes sure that his/her influential people get aware of his/her advantages andaccomplishments succeeds in his/her life. There are a lot of examples could prove it. Kobe Bryant shows his ability to score and lead the team, thus hisclub and coach value him very much and as a conclusion he gets successful.Steve Jobs is good at both commercial stuffs and researching, by purchasing andreorganize Pixar he proved his importance to Apple, which resulted in thechairmen of Apple making the decision to call him back to save Apple which wasalmost dying around 1995. Hence, as long as one could show his strengths andaccomplishments to his employers, whatever happens he could always succeed inthe end.

In conclusion, it does matter if otherpeople around you know your strengths and accomplishments. Not only anessential factor to achieve success it is, but also a good way to gain theopportunity in your daily life. Therefore, your success depends on it heavily.

每个人都有不同的路

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雅典城的包子
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沙发

发表于 2010-8-14 14:17:33 |只看该作者

8.14作业~

TOPIC: ISSUE2 - "Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them."
DATE: 2010/8/14 13:58:10

During the lifetime of a person making choices is almost the most important part relative to this person's future. Almost all the parents around the world are aware of that, and whatever they should do they hope they could help their children find the best and most suitable selection. But should children's future be determined by their parents? Or should they determine all by themselves? In my opinion, whether parents should make the decision depends on the age of their children.

If their children are still in high school or even younger, I think parents should be responsible for their children's future and make decisions for them. First of all, children under 18 have no idea about occupation, society and even the life they will face in the future, while their parents know far more on these aspects. Under this circumstances parents will make the better decision for most of the time since they know their children very well and which way would be good for their children's development. For instance, my friend Cissy's development is arranged very well by her father. Under the direction of her father she chose her high school and took part in Math competition and then was recommended to our university. Till now she finds a good job based on her experiences, lives a happy life and appreciates her father a lot. So during the teenage period parents' suggestions are usually very supportive and reasonable, which means that they could make better decision for us children.

Secondly, yongsters are always full of passion, which is a double-edged sword, that is to say passion will bring not only agency to teenagers, but also the feature of stubborn. Even if they do something wrong, it's very hard to persuade them to rectify. Many children then will use their most precious time to do some meaningless things and even bad things. Due to the lack of regulation by parents a lot of children even become prisoners in the future. Therefore, it is too careless for parents to allow children to make their own choices.

However, when children become adults there is no need and no right for parents to take part in making decisions. Since at this age their children are able to distinguish right from wrong, as well as make it clear that what they like to do and should do in the future. Instead of interfering with their children’s stuff, parents should understand and support their children’s choices. My uncle Hang Liu, for example, decided to do business instead of looking for a steady job as others would do in 1990s. Although at first he lost a lot of money, my grandparents never persuaded him to choose another way. And finally my uncle succeeded and proved his choice was right. In a nutshell parents shouldn’t make decisions for their children when their children grow up and have their own opinions.

According to the statement above, I think it’s right and reasonable for parents to determine their children’s choices when they are young. However, they should quit playing this role after their children become adults and know clearly what they should do in the future.
望大家批评指正~~~

每个人都有不同的路

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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wangruitong24 该用户已被删除	板凳发表于 2010-8-16 10:03:37 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽
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雅典城的包子
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地板

发表于 2010-8-17 10:44:23 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE1 - "Which one do you think has more effects on human beings? Telephone or television."
DATE: 2010/8/17 10:19:22

Since the invention of telephone and television, people's daily life has changed dramatically. Our ways to communicate and get information have switched into easier and more convenient ones, which make our work and life become more efficient and enjoyable. Telephone and television each has its own irreplaceable benefits to the human society, nevertheless in my opinion television has more effects on human beings than telephone does.

First of all, through watching TV it is possible and convenient for us to know the latest happened events all over the world. Before the invention of television, newspaper must be the most important and common media to provide information. However newspaper is not capable of offering us live reports, which can reflect the newest situation of an event. Although telephone provides us a novel and extremely convenient way to communicate and propagate news and information, its effects are still finite and far less than what television brings. Therefore, due to the way and the speed television introduces to propagate news, television affects our life more than telephone.

Secondly, television provides lots of entertainments to us while telephone doesn't. As for me if I were born in a period without television I would be totally crazy since through television we could see so many different kinds of programs. Nowadays almost all kinds of sports matches are available on TV set, and we could just watch games at home so that we can save a lot of time and money. How fantastic it is! TV series also attract a large amount of people, and together with talk shows they make our life more interesting than before. Not only the convenience the television brings, but also the joy it could provide for us make itself more influential to us human beings compared to telephone.

Finally there are all kinds of education programs in TV in order to teach people to learn different stuffs, which make it possible to study without going to college. My mother, for example, has learnt painting everyday afternoon for about half a year. By learning painting she feels very happy and satisfied, and she is so glad that there exists such a convenient way to study. All the benefits my mother gets should owe to television. Also lots of my friends have learned a mass of knowledge from TV programs, which is not available in traditional classes. However we should notice that there are also something improper for children to watch in TV, as long as we could avoid these inappropriate programs we could get benefits from TV. In this view, television could provide what telephone couldn’t do for us and as a result television naturally has more effects on us.

Based on the three aspects mentioned above, television has far more effects on human beings than telephone does. But in addition, we should also be aware that both of these two invents brings us immeasurable benefits.
大家狠批啊~~~

每个人都有不同的路

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layla1989
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5楼

发表于 2010-8-18 19:08:23 |只看该作者

改好咯~~~

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雅典城的包子
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7楼

发表于 2010-8-24 20:39:40 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE1 - "Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career."
DATE: 2010/8/24 20:24:43

Decades of years ago people were prone to take long term careers as long as they started to work in the society. However, as time changes, the economics and the structure of the society has also changed greatly, as a consequence many people begin to try some different jobs before they decide to dedicate in a long term career. Given the trend of employment and experiences I have heard from others, I think it is totally right and necessary for people to attempt to do several jobs before they take a long term career.

First of all, taking several different jobs could bring precious experiences to one person and these experiences could contribute to his/her success in the future. By trying different jobs one could get to know the processes of those jobs detailed and synthesis them to the knowledge he already has. Acquiring these new knowledge above he could perform better in his long term career in the future. My brother Jonson have worked for an Circuit-Design company for 6 years and before he began this career he worked for some other companies on internet, operating system, database and so on. These working experiences help him understand Information Technology better and at present he almost works perfectly in current company. Thus through taking several different jobs at the beginning we could achieve success easier in our long term career.

Secondly, not all the people are aware of what they are in favor of and good at as soon as they start working, under this circumstances they need to try different work to decide their future career. Truly it would be better for one to work for a long time on one position, but it also would be stupid for him to continue doing so if he doesn't like this occupation. Nevertheless if he chooses to try some different jobs first it will be highly likely for him to find the target. As long as he grasps the favorite job, he could begin his long term career happily and effectively, which in turn is certainly good for his development.

Finally, experiencing different jobs could also make it feasible to meet mass of people, relationships with these workmate will be an important factor of one’s success in the life afterwards. For instance Peter Moore took a occupation of leader in EA sports after he worked for Microsoft, and by keeping in touch with the colleagues in Microsoft he made a lot of programs and contributed to the profits of these two companies.

In all, based on the reasons above, I think it would be helpful for young people to try different jobs before they begin a long term career.

每个人都有不同的路

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greenege
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8楼

发表于 2010-8-25 12:51:53 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE1 - "Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career."+ p/ N7 ^% o! x) g4 P g3 k
DATE: 2010/8/24 20:24:43* |/ |9 D5 u5 ]/ k8 G1 l$ N5 W

Decades of years ago people were prone to take long term careers as long as they started to work in the society. However, as time changes,(as time goes by) the economics and the structure of the society has also changed greatly, as a consequence many people begin to try some different jobs before they decide to dedicate in a long term career. Given the trend of employment and experiences I have heard from others, I think it is totally right (appropriate)and necessary for people to attempt to do several jobs before they take a long term career.
, |* N0 Z" w. c% c5 T
First of all, taking several different jobs could bring precious experiences to one person and these experiences could contribute to his/her success in the future. By trying different jobs one could get to know the processes of those jobs detailed and synthesis them to the knowledge he(he/she) already has. Acquiring these new knowledge above he could perform better in his long term career in the future.(for example…) My brother Jonson have worked for an Circuit-Design company for 6 years and before he began this career he worked(had worked) for some other companies on internet, (such as)operating system, database and so on. These working experiences help(+ed) him understand Information Technology better (可以将help改成provide, provide him the aspects of information technology)and (有点因果关系吧,所以可以令起一句，because of this,或者due to this,)at present he almost works perfectly in current company. Thus through taking several different jobs at the beginning we could achieve success easier in our long term career.- A1 {5 y1 [% U! n
5 L+ D5 w. n2 E& B
Secondly, not all the people are aware of what they are in favor of and good at as soon as they start working, under this circumstances they need to try different work to decide their future career.(从你第一句话得知,不知喜好是要try different work的主要原因.所以to 后面仅仅跟决定未来工作就凸显不出理由。可以说to decide their favorite或者most appropriate job) Truly it would be better for one to work for a long time on one position, but it also would be stupid(foolish) for him to continue doing so if he doesn't like this occupation. Nevertheless(On the contraty,对比之意更明显些) if he chooses to try some different jobs first it will be highly likely(都adv…) for him to find(achieve the goal) the target. As long as he grasps the favorite job, he could begin his long term career happily and effectively, which in turn is certainly good for his development. - Q+ k5 }7 P6 I
5 g7 t" ]+ O0 W2 o6 T: d
Finally, experiencing different(different可以换various之类的词) jobs could also make it feasible to meet mass of people, (relationships紧跟其后觉得怪怪的)relationships with these workmate (+s)will be an important factor of one’s success in the life afterwards. For instance Peter Moore took a occupation of leader in EA sports after he worked for Microsoft, and by keeping in touch with the colleagues in Microsoft he made a lot of programs and contributed to the profits of these two companies. 8 m- ?# I% g2 ^6 a! r. `

In all, based on the reasons above, I think it would be helpful for young people to try different jobs before they begin a long term career.

整体来说，无论是结构，句式，还是用此都挺好的。
举例也不错.
建议有时穿插些简单句,不要一段中全是从句.
结尾真是简洁中的简洁…你可以再稍微加一两句话吧.恩。还有try to paraphrase the thesis.尤其是结尾处，如果paraphrase的好应该有加分~

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雅典城的包子
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9楼

发表于 2010-8-25 13:50:43 |只看该作者

8# greenege 呵呵多谢了~~下次争取把结尾再丰满一点好了~~~

每个人都有不同的路

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missmumuxi
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10楼

发表于 2010-8-26 17:39:49 |只看该作者

我觉得楼主的文章写得很好呢
有些美中不足的是有点虎头蛇尾。

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雅典城的包子
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11楼

发表于 2010-8-27 11:08:35 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE1 - "Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about a foreign country？"
DATE: 2010/8/27 10:48:06

After the invention of camera, photographs become available in newspapers, which means newspapers could convey more information than before. At the same time as people's interests increase rapidly, different kinds of magazines have emerged in our life. Through newspapers and magazines we could be aware many things include international events and affairs in different field. However, does it mean that newspapers and magazines are the best way to learn about a foreign country? In my opinion, it doesn't.

To begin with, newspapers and magazines only publish latest news around a country or at most all over the world, and in most cases this kind of information couldn't represent the culture of a country. As it is known to all without knowing the culture of a country it will be hard to learn about it. Imagine when you talk about Austria without knowing its beautiful music and brilliant composers, picture when you dream going to China without realizing its 5000-year history, visualize when you think of France without the awareness of Louvre Museum. Through reading newspapers and magazines you may easily know who the presidents of the countries listed above are, but the culture and history of them are not totally available. To this extent, newspapers and magazines are not even a good way to learn about a foreign country, let alone the best.

Secondly, the essence of many customs and hobbits of the resident in a country are also not accessible in media like newspapers or magazines. After all, the expression of words and pictures is very finite. For example, at first I read a lot of information about America in both newspapers and magazines and I thought this country must be the same as my imagination. However in the summer of 2009 I got a chance to go to this country for half a month, after these 15 days I finally understood how wrong I was at the very beginning. The ways people living, studying, and dealing with problems there are very different from what I thought before. Thus, in my point of view, experiencing the real life in a foreign country instead of reading newspapers and magazines about it is the best way to know it.

Based on the statement above, mass of information as newspapers and magazines may convey, many essential factors like culture and people’s custom are not easily available just by reading words or watching pictures. In conclusion, it is totally incorrect to say newspapers and magazines are the best way to learn about a foreign county.

每个人都有不同的路

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darkathrun
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12楼

发表于 2010-8-27 20:45:18 |只看该作者

同学我会在今天晚点改好给你，抱歉了

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darkathrun
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13楼

发表于 2010-8-28 00:10:35 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE1 - "Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about a foreign country？"
DATE: 2010/8/27 10:48:06

After the invention of camera, photographs become available in newspapers, which means newspapers could convey more information than before. At the same time as people's interests increase rapidly, different kinds of magazines have emerged in our life. Through newspapers and magazines we could be aware many things include international events and affairs in different field. 没有必要However, does it mean that newspapers and magazines are the best way to learn about a foreign country? In my opinion, it doesn'tLZ你忘了提出一个强有力的观点，单单一句it doesn’t是不能说明的，而且一段这么多字数开始一句都没有提到foreign，突然就跳出一个foreign了，太过于突兀了，需要一个严密的逻辑过程。

To begin with, newspapers and magazines only publish latest news around a country or at most all over the world, 语意有问题and in most cases this kind of information couldn't represent the culture of a country. As it is known to all without knowing the culture of a country it will be hard to learn about it. 没表达好Imagine when you talk about Austria without knowing its beautiful music and brilliant composers, picture when you dream going to China without realizing its 5000-year history, visualize when you think of France without the awareness of Louvre Museum.很好的排比 Through reading newspapers and magazines you may easily know who the presidents of the countries listed above are, but the culture and history of them are not totally available. To this extent, newspapers and magazines are not even a good way to learn about a foreign country, let alone the best没看懂

Secondly, the essence of many customs and hobbits of the resident in a country are also not accessible in media like newspapers or magazines. After all, the expression of words and pictures is very finite. For example, at first I read a lot of information about America in both newspapers and magazines and I thought this country must be the same as my imagination. However in the summer of 2009 I got a chance to go to this country for half a month, after these 15 days I finally understood how wrong I was at the very beginning. The ways people living, studying, and dealing with problems there are very different from what I thought before. Thus, in my point of view, experiencing the real life in a foreign country instead of reading newspapers and magazines about it is the best way to know it.逻辑论证有点小乱，LZ你自己最好再审审

Based on the statement above, mass of information as newspapers and magazines may convey, many essential factors like culture and people’s custom are not easily available just by reading words or watching pictures.语意混驳 In conclusion, it is totally incorrect to say newspapers and magazines are the best way to learn about a foreign county.
LZ语言表达功底还需要再提高一下，值得一提的还有虽然有例子，而且第一个例子挺不错，但是为什么不引入对比反差来论证呢？

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