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[活动] 【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】 45678am 1月4日作业 [复制链接]

45678am
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-1-4 23:43:34 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Teachers are playing an increasingly important role in our modern society.As we all know,our governments boost the payment for the teacher every few years.Teachers deserve these,however,I also agree with the point that the payment of teachers should be connected with the performance of their students.
  Firstly,this method is reasonable and rational.Because teachers are responsible for the education of their students,they teach them not only how to acquire knowledge,but also how to be a good person.If a teacher devotes all his or her mind to cultivate his or her students,which demonstrates that he is a qualified teacher,then he should gain respect from his students and society,and a higher salary is also an important prize for his prominent work.On the contrary,if a teacher just doesn't take his students in account,and do his work bad,then it's reasonal to pay him a lower salary.
  Moreover,this method is a effective tool to motivate all the teacher's enthusiasm.According to this method,if students of a teacher perform well in all aspects,we can readily induce that this teacher must make great effort to cultivate his students and pay much time on researching pedagogy,therefore,we should pay a higher salary to him in no doubt.Consequently,all the teacher in school will work hard to enhance their students' capacity in all aspects to acquire better payment to improve their life level,which is also an honor for them.
  Finally,the students may also be stimulated by this method.Because once they are aware of the truth that their teachers' salare has something to do with their performance,so if a student respect his teacher,in this case,he will work hard on his study to improve his performance,so that he won't affect his teachers' salary.I believe that if a student find out that his respectful teacher gets a low payment just because of his bad performance,he must feel guilty.

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hyacinth
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沙发

发表于 2009-1-5 06:11:53 |只看该作者

大致扫了一下主要有几个问题:
1)句子太长导致punctuation上有不少问题以及表意不明
2)没有结尾
3)body部分展开不够论述太多缺乏例子

不过你的词汇量应该是没什么问题了平时阅读的时候可以多留点心把见到能认识的单词以及一些地道的表达再加进文章就更好了

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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xlwxxy
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板凳

发表于 2009-1-5 12:19:17 |只看该作者

Teachers are playing an increasingly important role in our modern society.As we all know,our governments boost the payment for the teacher every few years.Teachers deserve these,however,I also agree with the point that the payment of teachers should be connected with the performance of their students.

Firstly,this method is reasonable and rational.Because teachers are responsible for the education of their students(有点chinese english),they teach them not only how to acquire knowledge,but also how to be a good person.If a teacher devotes all his or her mind to
cultivateteach(cultivate 感觉有主动的意向,用在这不合适) his or her students,which demonstrates that he is a qualified teacher,then he should gain respect from his students and society,and a higher salary is also an important prize for his prominent work.On the contrary,if a teacher just doesn't take his students in account,and do his work bad,then it's reasonal to pay him a lower salary.(谁对工作不负责都应该付低工资,不单是老师,理由没有针对性.)

Moreover,this method is a effective tool(chinese english) to motivate all the teacher's enthusiasm.According to this method,if students of a teacher perform well in all aspects,we can readily induce that this teacher must make great effort to cultivate his students and pay much time on researching pedagogy,therefore,we should pay a higher salary to him in no doubt.Consequently,all the teacher in school will work hard to enhance their students' capacity in all aspects to acquire better payment to improve their life level,which is also an
honor for them.(同上,理由没有针对性)

Finally,the students may also be stimulated by this method.Because once they are aware of the truth that their teachers' salare has something to do with their performance,so if a student respect his teacher(学生为了老师的工资学习,也太.....肤浅了吧.那如果不喜欢那个老师是不是就不应好好学了??),in this case,he will work hard on his study to improve his performance,so that he won't affect his teachers' salary.I believe that if a student find out that his respectful teacher gets a low payment just because of his bad performance,he must feel guilty.

总体意思表达清楚了.
但语言不地道.
理由没有针对性和说服力.

[ 本帖最后由 xlwxxy 于 2009-1-5 12:35 编辑 ]

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yuanyuan@560806
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地板

发表于 2009-1-5 23:35:54 |只看该作者

Teachers are playing an increasingly important role in our modern society.As we all know,our governments boost （我查字典中说这个词是口语用词，我觉得很书面化，作者看吧）the payment for the teacher every few years.Teachers deserve these,however,I also agree with the point that the payment of teachers should be connected with the performance of their students.

Firstly,this method is reasonable and rational.Because teachers are responsible for the education of their students,they teach them not only how to acquire knowledge,but also how to be a good person.If a teacher devotes all his or her mind to cultivate his or her students,which demonstrates that he is a qualified teacher,then he should gain respect from his students and society,and a higher salary is also an important prize for his prominent work.On the contrary,if a teacher just doesn't take his students in account,and do his work bad,then it's reasonal to pay him a lower salary.

Moreover,this method is a effective tool to motivate all the teacher's enthusiasm.According to this method,if students of a teacher perform well in all aspects,we can readily induce that this teacher must make great effort to cultivate his students and pay much time on researching pedagogy,therefore,we should pay a higher salary to him in no doubt.Consequently,all the teacher in school will work hard to enhance their students' capacity in all aspects to acquire better payment to improve their life level,which is also an honor for them.寄托家园zY7X3iIm

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Finally,the students may also be stimulated by this method.Because once they are aware of the truth that their teachers' salare has something to do with their performance,so if a student respect his teacher,in this case,he will work hard on his study to improve his performance,so that he won't affect his teachers' salary.I believe that if a student find out that his respectful teacher gets a low payment just because of his bad performance,he must feel guilty.

第三段的理由太崇高了，呵呵，美国人可能理解不了，
语言有点中式，勤加练习一定很大提高。

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