[i习作temp] 处女贴,俺4/28武汉考,另送上issue一篇,求拍,狠狠地拍,往死里拍!~ [复制链接]

liyt100
UID：2543947

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 1
寄托币: 647
注册时间: 2008-9-9
精华: 0
帖子: 2

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-4-5 15:47:19 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

处女贴,俺4/28武汉考,俺在杭州,报名太晚了,,不知道有没有人同行?另送上issue一篇,不知道题号,,求拍,狠狠地拍,往死里拍!~拍的俺头破血流.俺不怕..

Is there hardly anyone who is free to choose a job according to his or her talents or interest? The speaker thinks so, and I tend to agree. It is true that nowadays it seems to be increasingly difficult for one to find a job that suits his or her talents or interests perfectly well. Serveral points bellow may help to explain this phenomenon.
First of all, in order to survive in the society, sometimes one has to abandon his or her talent or interests to find a job which is relatively stable and decent, and could afford one a sense of security. We live in a world where we need to sell our labor to the society for our bread. Sometimes, some people's interests or talents cannot be considered as means of making money. For exmaple, my friend Yi likes reading but hates giving speeches or writting, the best job he wishes to get is to read day and night. But there is no such a job requires people to read without giving any feedback. And sometimes, a job one truly loves may pay too little for one to count on. I like repairing motorcycles, but in China, the country I live in, a motorcyle mechanic earns less than 2000 yuan per month, which is hardly enough for basic living cost that one need to subsist in major cities like Shanghai, let alone saving money for getting married or buying a house. Therefore, following the economic trend is an major reason that one choose a job that has nothing to do with his or her talents or interests.
Secondly, one's talents or interests of a certain area does not ensure that one will love the job in the certain area. In other words, just because one loves or has talent in a particular area does not necessarily mean that one would definitely enjoy working in that area. Sometimes, doing certain things as a hobby is quite different from doing almost the same things as a job. A job has more to require than a hobby does, such as responsibility, professional ethics and so forth. My friend Dan's experience could serve to illustrate this point. Dan and I were both very crazy about motorcycles. Three years ago, he chose to be a motorcycle mechanic in spite of the lousy pay. Now, he always complains about his wrong choice. He tells me that it is true he loves bikes, but no one likes twisting wrenches all day long, and having a pair of dirty and oily hands that will never be washed clean. He also tells me that during years of working as a mechanic and bike seller, he has developed a mercenary attitude toward bikes, when he see a wonderful bike, instead of thinking like other lovers like "what a great bike to have and ride", he thought "How much can I sell this toad for?" It is analogous to the fact that if a man who likes eating potato chip relies solely on potato chip as food everyday, he will probably hate it.
Finally, we have to ask a question-do everyone in the society have a special talent or an interest? Our society consists of all kinds of people-people have great talents, people have no talent, people have strong interests on a particular area, and people have no obvious interests in any area. There is no denying the fact that some people have a strong and marvelous talent in a certain area, like Mozart who were able to play piano at fluently at the age of ten. However, geniuses always belong to minority, there are more people in our society who are mediocre and do not have any speicial interest. They are just common people who want to lead a common life by finding a stable and relatively well-paid job. Therefore, how can we expect people to find jobs that are related to their talents or interests if they do not have any talent or interest?
To sum up, it is quite common at present that people work in a profession that has nothing to do with their talents or interests for the reason that people sometimes have to give up something in order to survive in the society, interests and talents cannot ensure that one will love a particular jobs, and there are many people in the world do not have particular talents or interests.
700 words

回应
0

使用道具举报

i2000s
UID：2108019

中级会员

Rank: 4

声望: 78
寄托币: 1425
注册时间: 2005-6-11
精华: 0
帖子: 10

沙发

发表于 2009-4-5 22:37:48 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 i2000s 于 2009-4-5 22:39 编辑

处女贴,俺4/28武汉考,俺在杭州,报名太晚了,,不知道有没有人同行?另送上issue一篇,不知道题号,,求拍,狠狠地拍,往死里拍!~拍的俺头破血流.俺不怕..

Is there hardly anyone who is free to choose a job accordin ...
liyt100 发表于 2009-4-5 15:47

Is there hardly anyone who is free to （似乎不是你想要的意思）choose a job according to his or her talents or interest? The speaker thinks so, and I tend to agree. It is true that nowadays it seems to be increasingly difficult for one to find a job that suits his or her talents or interests perfectly well. Serveral points bellow may help to （删除吧）explain this phenomenon.
First of all, in order to survive in the society, sometimes one has to abandon his or her talent or interests to find a job which is relatively stable and decent（与主题不符）, and could afford one a sense of security. We live in a world where we need to sell our labor to the society for our bread. Sometimes, some people's interests or talents cannot be considered as means of making money. For exmaple, my friend Yi likes reading but hates giving speeches or writting, the best job he wishes to get is to read day and night. But there is no such a job requires people to read without giving any feedback. And sometimes, a job one truly loves may pay too little for one to count on. I like repairing motorcycles, but in China, the country I live in, a motorcyle mechanic earns less than 2000 yuan per month, which is hardly enough for basic living cost that one need to subsist in major cities like Shanghai, let alone saving money for getting married or buying a house. Therefore, following the economic trend （ factor比较合适）is an （a/the）major reason that one choose a job that has nothing to do with his or her talents or interests.
Secondly, one's talents or interests of a certain area does not ensure that one will love the job in the certain area. In other words, just because one loves or has talent in a particular area does not necessarily mean that one would definitely enjoy working in that area. Sometimes, doing certain things as a hobby is quite different from doing almost the same things as a job. A job has more to require than a hobby does, such as responsibility, professional ethics and so forth. My friend Dan's experience could serve to illustrate this point. Dan and I were both very crazy about motorcycles. Three years ago, he chose to be a motorcycle mechanic in spite of the lousy pay. Now, he always complains about his wrong choice. He tells me that it is true he loves bikes（不是motorcycles？）, but no one likes twisting wrenches all day long, and having a pair of dirty and oily hands that will never be washed clean. He also tells me that during years of working as a mechanic and bike seller, he has developed a mercenary attitude toward bikes, when he see a wonderful bike, instead of thinking like other lovers like "what a great bike to have and ride", he thought "How much can I sell this toad for?" It is analogous to the fact that if a man who likes eating potato chip relies solely on potato chip as food everyday, he will probably hate it.
Finally, we have to ask a question-do everyone in the society have a special talent or an interest? Our society consists of all kinds of people-people have great talents, people have no talent, people have strong interests on a particular area, and people have no obvious interests in any area. There is no denying the fact that some people have a strong and marvelous talent in a certain area, like Mozart who were able to play piano at fluently at the age of ten. However, geniuses always belong to minority, there are more people in our society who are mediocre and do not have any speicial interest. They are just common people （缺乏证明如何common）who want to lead a common life by finding a stable and relatively well-paid job. Therefore, how can we expect people to find jobs that are related to their talents or interests if they do not have any talent or interest?
To sum up, it is quite common at present that people work in a profession that has nothing to do with their talents or interests for the reason that people sometimes have to give up something in order to survive in the society, interests and talents cannot ensure that one will love a particular jobs, and there are many people in the world do not have particular talents or interests.

先不说你的文字问题，明显的问题及改进方向如下：
1、文章很多地方逻辑分析不严密，比如，第一个原因只提到了中国的情况，而且仅仅是一两个人的个别行业问题，从世界范围内和各种职业范围内看这条原因成立吗？需要深入的develop下去。再比如，第三个原因的论述中，你想说很多人没有特别的天赋和兴趣，而且仅仅用Mozart的例子提到了有天赋的人是少数，但是你将天赋和兴趣混为一谈，直接说有更多的人没有特别的爱好，并且没有进一步证明其中的比例关系。同样，二个点的论证也欠深入分析---个例不等于sound logic。
2、各段之间的逻辑关系不紧密，有些地方完全可以搭建更紧密的逻辑关系，例如，第一个原因是说所喜欢的工作不足以维系生活，第三个原因需要证明更多的人仅仅是满足于stable and relatively well-paid job而过上着a common life，你完全可以先说明为维系生活而工作的人比例更大，所以平常人自然会更多了，这样可以同时拟补两方面的逻辑缺陷，还可以拉近各个段落间的逻辑关系。
再例如，第二个原因实际上是承接第一个原因的让步，因为第一个原因的例子中已经提到了motorcycle mechanic是个不足以维系生活的工作导致大部分人（假设已经证明）不愿意现则这样的工作，第二个原因的例子接着说即使爱好修理工作并作motorcycle mechanic也会让人厌烦，所以即使按照自己的爱好选择了职业，也未必能让人长久做下去，因此，完全可以用一些表示递进、让步的关联词代替生硬刻板的secondly……
3、你的结论太老套了，仅仅是一个简单总结，既没有深入问题的核心，也没有提出有针对性、建设性的展望等，显得没有力度。
4、文章句式全部使用整句，显得比较死板，可以采用插入等手法，突出该突出的；修辞上也稍显单薄。
……
暂时写这些我认为比较要命的问题吧。文章使用了不少高级词汇，以及专有名词，比如motorcycle mechanic、twisting wrenches等，还是比较体现你的功底的。
祝你取得更快的进步。
如果要会拍的话，请转向我的帖子：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-938378-1-2.html