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[i习作temp] Issue 13 @@ A Dream@@ 小组第一次作业 by kren_crazy [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-6-5 01:29:10 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."


During the trend of the globalization, almost every aspect of the world tends to be assimilation. Of course, the same thing happens to languages all around the globle, especially the lesser-known languages are even at the stake. Any government within common conscience should prevent this terrible trend in a proper way.

Generally speaking, language is the tool for people's daily communication and even bridges the gaps between ancestors and its generations. Passing down the cherished heritage without using language is certainly difficult because some special ideals closely relate to the counterbalanced languages, such as idiom, sayings and so on. In a certain degree, losing the language means losing the ideas of the past and losing their own wisdom and creativities thus obviously their history could be obscure or even vacuum. Take my own experience as the example, for several years I spent my time studying in other province where their speaking language is totally different from my hometown. One day, one of my friends who is the local resident invited me to visit his parents. Undoubtedly, hardly did I understand completely his parents during talks with them although my friend beside us took the role as paraphrasing for me in prevalent language we all appreciate.

What is more, language instinctively has such powerful cohesion that it can easily bring people who speak the same language or the same dialect together. Believe it or not, it is really miracle for someone meets the guy whose dialect is the same with him in other city far away from the hometown. After that, everything becomes so easily going between each other because of the feelings of recognition.

However, no matter what the advantages of the cultural-related languages is. Some governments neglect the extinction of the lesser-known languages as they are drowning in the trend of the globalization. And the topic describing above is not the merely reason that the lesser-known languages going extinction. Admitedly, lesser-known languages comparing with the prevalent languages always cling to fewer people who use them. But if the generation did not give up grasping their own culture-related language, how can it become fewer people using them. Apparently, officials should take the responsibility as well as the populace.

Government should take effective measures to prevent the 'language crisis'. To subside people who speak the lesser-known languages and to make them known that their culture as well as their languages is valuable. Also the law promulgated by government is always necessary.

Besides the encourage measures of using the lesser-known languages, some may be struggling in the opposite way: they ironically obstruct the mainly used languages in the world to spread in their countries because they are afraid of their culture-related language being licked up by the prevalent languages. That is really unnecessary and deviate the original purpose of developing the economy to make populace lead comfortable lives in the circumstance of globalization. What we need to do is to make the balance between them.

Philosophers advocate "our planet needs complexity and multiplicity" because the complicity and multiplicity is the instinctive state of our planet, thus it makes every element keep going. So it is the same to the languages.
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发表于 2009-6-7 00:55:39 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 wswjwj 于 2009-6-8 10:54 编辑

Issue 13 @@ A Dream@@ 小组第一次作业 by kren_crazy

"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."


During the trend of the globalization, almost every aspect of the world tends to be assimilation. Of course, the same thing happens to languages all around the global; especially the lesser-known languages are even at the stake. Any government within common conscience should prevent this terrible trend in a proper way.

Generally speaking, language is the tool for people's daily communication and even bridges the gaps between ancestors and its generations(好句子). Passing down the cherished heritage without using language is certainly difficult because some special ideals closely relate to the counterbalanced languages, such as idiom, sayings and so on. In a certain degree, losing the language means losing the ideas of the past and losing their own wisdom and creativities thus obviously their history could be obscure or even vacuum. Take my own experience as the example, for several years I spent my time studying in other province where their speaking language is totally different from my hometown. One day, one of my friends who is the local resident invited me to visit his parents. Undoubtedly, hardly did I understand completely his parents during talks with them although my friend beside us took the role as paraphrasing for me in prevalent language we all appreciate. (例子很新颖,证明语言的缺失很严重)

What is more, language instinctively has such powerful cohesion that it can easily bring people who speak the same language or the same dialect together. Believe it or not, it is really miracle for someone meets the guy whose dialect is the same with him in other city far away from the hometown. After that, everything becomes so easily going between each other because of the feelings of recognition. (感觉这段关系不大,不知道想证明什么,会自己语言的重要性吗? 应该直接的表述下会比较好吧^^

However, no matter what the advantages of the cultural-related languages is. Some governments neglect the extinction of the lesser-known languages as they are drowning in the trend of the globalization(写的真好^^. And the topic describing above is not the merely reason that the lesser-known languages going extinction. Admittedly, lesser-known languages comparing with the prevalent languages always cling to fewer people who use them. But if the generation did not give up grasping their own culture-related language, how can it become fewer people using them. Apparently, officials should take the responsibility as well as the populace. (这个观点很好^^

Government should take effective measures to prevent the 'language crisis'. To subside people who speak the lesser-known languages and to make them known that their culture as well as their languages is valuable. Also the law promulgated by government is always necessary.(引到政府的作用 过渡很漂亮~~

Besides the encourage measures of using the lesser-known languages, some may be struggling in the opposite way: they ironically obstruct the mainly used languages in the world to spread in their countries because they are afraid of their culture-related language being licked up by the prevalent languages. That is really unnecessary and deviate the original purpose of developing the economy to make populace lead comfortable lives in the circumstance of globalization. What we need to do is to make the balance between them. (最后一段又写回去了感觉~ 怪怪的~ 这个观点现在提出有点怪怪的~ 不知道ets会怎么看^^ 这个与开头不太符合~

Philosophers advocate "our planet needs complexity and multiplicity" because the complicity and multiplicity is the instinctive state of our planet, thus it makes every element keep going. So it is the same to the languages.

写的蛮好的,前面得论证特别漂亮,例子很好,表达也很棒,可以加入更多的分析,你语言功底很好,应该不成问题^^ 而且觉得结尾两段都不是很好,可以再好好改改^^
用一生写一个童话^^ 要让你看到O(∩_∩)O~

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板凳
发表于 2009-6-7 10:26:47 |只看该作者
1# kren_crazy

During the trend of the globalization, almost every aspect of the world tends to be assimilation. Of course, the same thing happens to languages all around the globle, especially the lesser-known languages are even at the stake(risk?). Any government within common conscience should prevent this terrible trend in a proper way.
Generally speaking, language is the tool for people's daily communication and even bridges the gaps between ancestors and its generations. Passing down the cherished heritage without using language is certainly difficult because some special ideals closely relate to the counterbalanced languages(这句话没看明白), such as idiom, sayings and so on. In a certain degree, losing the language means losing the ideas of the past and losing their own wisdom and creativities thus obviously their history could be obscure or even vacuum. Take my own experience as the example, for several years I spent my time studying in other province where their speaking language is totally different from my hometown. One day, one of my friends who is the local resident invited me to visit his parents. Undoubtedly, hardly did I understand completely his parents during talks with them although my friend beside us took the role as paraphrasing for me in prevalent language we all appreciate.
What is more, language instinctively has such powerful cohesion that it can easily bring people who speak the same language or the same dialect together. Believe it or not, it is really miracle for someone meets the guy whose dialect is the same with him in other city far away from the hometown. After that, everything becomes so easily going between each other because of the feelings(feeling?) of recognition.
However, no matter what the advantages of the cultural-related languages is. (, some?)Some governments neglect the extinction of the lesser-known languages as they are drowning in the trend of the globalization. And the topic describing(described?) above is not the merely(mere?) reason that the lesser-known languages going extinction(extincted?). Admitedly, lesser-known languages comparing with the prevalent languages always cling to fewer people who use them. But if the generation did not give up grasping their own culture-related language, how can it become fewer people using them(似乎有点问题?how can it become uesed by fewer people). Apparently, officials should take the responsibility as well as the populace.
Government should take effective measures to prevent the 'language crisis'. To subside people who speak the lesser-known languages and to make them known that their culture as well as their languages is valuable. Also the law promulgated by government is always necessary.
Besides the encourage measures of using the lesser-known languages, some may be struggling in the opposite way: they ironically obstruct the mainly used languages in the world to spread in their countries because they are afraid of their culture-related language being licked up by the prevalent languages. That is really unnecessary and deviate the original purpose of developing the economy to make populace lead comfortable lives in the circumstance of globalization. What we need to do is to make the balance between them.
Philosophers advocate "our planet needs complexity and multiplicity" because the complicity and multiplicity is the instinctive state of our planet, thus it makes every element keep going. So it is the
same to the languages.

哥们,也许是水平有限,没有挑出什么错误,感觉论证的也挺全面,似乎关于稀有语言的存在的不足论证少了一点,只说语言的存在的意义,政府应该保护稀有语言,没说稀有语言的存在有没有什么坏处

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地板
发表于 2009-6-7 10:29:30 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 谷佳傲 于 2009-6-7 10:31 编辑


During the trend of the globalization, almost every aspect of the world tends to be assimilation. Of course, the same thing happens to languages all around the globle, especially the lesser-known languages are even at the stake(risk?). Any government within common conscience should prevent this terrible trend in a proper way.

Generally speaking, language is the tool for people's daily communication and even bridges the gaps between ancestors and its generations. Passing down the cherished heritage without using language is certainly difficult because some special ideals closely relate to the counterbalanced languages(这句话没看明白), such as idiom, sayings and so on. In a certain degree, losing the language means losing the ideas of the past and losing their own wisdom and creativities thus obviously their history could be obscure or even vacuum. Take my own experience as the example, for several years I spent my time studying in other province where their speaking language is totally different from my hometown. One day, one of my friends who is the local resident invited me to visit his parents. Undoubtedly, hardly did I understand completely his parents during talks with them although my friend beside us took the role as paraphrasing for me in prevalent language we all appreciate.

What is more, language instinctively has such powerful cohesion that it can easily bring people who speak the same language or the same dialect together. Believe it or not, it is really miracle for someone meets the guy whose dialect is the same with him in other city far away from the hometown. After that, everything becomes so easily going between each other because of the feelings(feeling?) of recognition.

However, no matter what the advantages of the cultural-related languages is. (, some?)Some governments neglect the extinction of the lesser-known languages as they are drowning in the trend of the globalization. And the topic describing(described?) above is not the merely(mere?) reason that the lesser-known languages going extinction(extincted?). Admitedly, lesser-known languages comparing with the prevalent languages always cling to fewer people who use them. But if the generation did not give up grasping their own culture-related language, how can it become fewer people using them(似乎有点问题?how can it become uesed by fewer people). Apparently, officials should take the responsibility as well as the populace.

Government should take effective measures to prevent the 'language crisis'. To subside people who speak the lesser-known languages and to make them known that their culture as well as their languages is valuable. Also the law promulgated by government is always necessary.

Besides the encourage measures of using the lesser-known languages, some may be struggling in the opposite way: they ironically obstruct the mainly used languages in the world to spread in their countries because they are afraid of their culture-related language being licked up by the prevalent languages. That is really unnecessary and deviate the original purpose of developing the economy to make populace lead comfortable lives in the circumstance of globalization. What we need to do is to make the balance between them.

Philosophers advocate "our planet needs complexity and multiplicity" because the complicity and multiplicity is the instinctive state of our planet, thus it makes every element keep going. So it is the same to the languages.
哥们,也许是水平有限,没有挑出什么错误,感觉论证的也挺全面,似乎关于稀有语言的存在的不足论证少了一点,只说语言的存在的意义,政府应该保护稀有语言,没说稀有语言的存在有没有什么坏处

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发表于 2009-6-7 19:14:04 |只看该作者
During the trend of the globalization, almost every aspect of the world tends to be assimilation. Of course, the same thing happens to languages all around the globle, especially the lesser-known languages are even at the stake. Any government within common conscience should prevent this terrible trend in a proper way.

Generally speaking, language is the tool for people's daily communication and even bridges the gaps between ancestors and its generations. Passing down the cherished heritage without using language is certainly difficult because some special ideals closely relate to the counterbalanced languages, such as idiom, sayings and so on. In a certain degree, losing the language means losing the ideas of the past and losing their own wisdom and creativities thus obviously their history could be obscure or even vacuum. Take my own experience as the example, for several years I spent my time studying in other province where their speaking language is totally different from my hometown. One day, one of my friends who is the local resident invited me to visit his parents. Undoubtedly, hardly did I understand completely his parents during talks with them although my friend beside us took the role as paraphrasing for me in prevalent language we all appreciate. (以你自己的例子来说明你认为语言很重要,很不错)

What is more, language instinctively has such powerful cohesion that it can easily bring people who speak the same language or the same dialect together. Believe it or not, it is really miracle for someone meets the guy whose dialect is the same with him in other city far away from the hometown. After that, everything becomes so easily going between each other because of the feelings of recognition. (2,3段应该是说语言很重要,但是我感觉你举得例子包括你得论述所证明的重要性太狭隘,范围太窄)

However, no matter what the advantages of the cultural-related languages is. Some governments neglect the extinction of the lesser-known languages as they are drowning in the trend of the globalization. And the topic describing above is not the merely reason that the lesser-known languages going extinction. Admitedly, lesser-known languages comparing with the prevalent languages always cling to fewer people who use them. But if the generation did not give up grasping their own culture-related language, how can it become fewer people using them. Apparently, officials should take the responsibility as well as the populace.

Government should take effective measures to prevent the 'language crisis'. To subside people who speak the lesser-known languages and to make them known that their culture as well as their languages is valuable. Also the law promulgated by government is always necessary. (感觉你这两段是在说政府为什么要保护,而不是在说应该怎么保护,如果合并的话,我觉得和2,3段是一类意思,方法太少,不具有代表性)

Besides the encourage measures of using the lesser-known languages, some may be struggling in the opposite way: they ironically obstruct the mainly used languages in the world to spread in their countries because they are afraid of their culture-related language being licked up by the prevalent languages. That is really unnecessary and deviate the original purpose of developing the economy to make populace lead comfortable lives in the circumstance of globalization. What we need to do is to make the balance between them. (举得不具有说服力,不是太明白在说明什么)

Philosophers advocate "our planet needs complexity and multiplicity" because the complicity and multiplicity is the instinctive state of our planet, thus it makes every element keep going. So it is the same to the languages.


没有太大的语法和单词错误,个人能力有限,所以改的就这么多。
麻烦队长给我改改~呵呵
Sweet American Dream...

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发表于 2009-6-7 19:15:00 |只看该作者
还有就是你对lesser-known论证不足,你举得例子不够说服力,包括你得叙述
Sweet American Dream...

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发表于 2009-6-7 23:41:12 |只看该作者
谢谢 你们 这是我的第二篇I 以后坚决改进 6# 112810as
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发表于 2009-6-8 16:42:21 |只看该作者
During the trend of the globalization, almost every aspect of the world tends to be assimilation. Of course, the same thing happens to languages all around the globle(韦氏的解释a spherical representation of the earth, a celestial body, or the heavens ,不知道你这样使用恰不恰当, especially the lesser-known languages are even at the stake(at stake). Any government within common conscience(在政府身上用moral方面的词好像缺乏说服力,用责任,义务是不是好些) should prevent this terrible trend in a proper way.

Generally speaking, language is the tool for people's daily communication and even bridges the gaps between ancestors and its generations. Passing down the cherished(木有这种用法吧) heritage without using language is certainly difficult because some special ideals closely relate to the counterbalanced languages(没看懂), such as idiom, sayings and so on. In a certain degree, losing the language means losing the ideas of the past and losing their own wisdom and creativities thus obviously their history could be obscure or even vacuum(用的有些不恰当. Take my own experience as the example, for several years I spent my time studying in other province where their speaking language is totally different from my hometown's. One day, one of my friends who is the local resident invited me to visit his parents. Undoubtedly, hardly did I understand completely his parents during talks with them although my friend beside us took the role as paraphrasing for me in prevalent language we all appreciate.(例子不能支持论点;中心句缺失


What is more, language instinctively has such powerful cohesion that it can easily bring people who speak the same language or the same dialect(不构成并列together. Believe it or not, it is really miracle for someone meets the guy whose dialect is the same with him in other city far away from the hometown. After that, everything becomes so easily going between each other because of the feelings of recognition(?).

However, no matter what the advantages of the cultural-related languages is. Some governments neglect the extinction of the lesser-known languages as they are drowning in the trend of the globalization. And the topic describing above is not the merely reason that the lesser-known languages going extinction. Admitedly, lesser-known languages comparing with the prevalent languages always cling to fewer people who use them. But if the generation did not give up grasping their own culture-related language, how can it become fewer people using them(构不成解释). Apparently, officials should take the responsibility as well as the populace. ()

Government should take effective measures to prevent the 'language crisis'. To subside people who speak the lesser-known languages and to make them known that their culture as well as their languages is valuable. Also the law promulgated by government is always necessary.

Besides the encourage measures of using the lesser-known languages, some may be struggling in the opposite way: they ironically obstruct the mainly used languages in the world to spread in their countries because they are afraid of their culture-related language being licked up by the prevalent languages. That is really unnecessary and deviate the original purpose of developing the economy to make populace lead comfortable lives in the circumstance of globalization. What we need to do is to make the balance between them.(此段最好不要,因为和文章论证中心相冲突;如要保留,最好在首段确立态度时就有所铺垫

Philosophers advocate "our planet needs complexity and multiplicity" because the complicity and multiplicity is the instinctive state of our planet, thus it makes every element keep going. So it is the same to the languages(需要一些解释,有些简单).


逻辑重于语言,这是前期写作的原则
可能很多指正有所不当,没事儿,直接到我那儿去报复就好,嘿嘿:loveliness:

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RE: Issue 13 @@ A Dream@@ 小组第一次作业 by kren_crazy [修改]
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