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sakuraanne
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-2-6 19:52:59 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE136 - "The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."
WORDS: 372--598
TIME: 00:43:26
DATE: 2009-2-6 15:52:14
痛不欲生的一篇issue，写也写不出来，全部简直感觉都是平行论证。
We live in a world that is full of choices: how to dress ourselves, where to live, whom to marry, etc. In such abundance of choices, sometimes we might even get confused in how to choose and the absence of choice seems really a rare circumstance.

Admittedly, in certain circumstances choices are limited either because of the lacking of an air of freedom or some unconquered nature forces. One cannot choose to speak out one's opinion frankly and freely during some conservative era or under the ruling of some dictatorial governments. One cannot choose when to born and dead, whom one's parents are, or whether he is black, white or yellow.

However, the inner thoughts and spirits of human beings cannot be shaped and categorized by those measurable identifications. People can still live a life full of choices they give to themselves.
We can choose to stuck up to our principles, we can choose to use our individual thinking, we can choose to live our own lives and we can design our blueprint of future with all these choices. It is such a vast sea of choices in our daily life that we may even constantly run into a labyrinth with all our hesitation and confusion: which one is better and whether should I take the choice without regretting it in the future? For everything in the universe exists in a delicate balance, every time when we choose one thing, we lose the opportunity to do another thing at the same time and space. Therefore, many people fear to make choices in a mood to avoid responsibilities they bring along with.

There are plenty of choices under many circumstances which people suppose they are absent because they get treated with oblivion and ignorance. Choices always lie everywhere, it all depends on whether we can distinguish them and bravely pick them out from other grey and doom accessories. The secret lies in one's mind. Whether you are courageous enough to face them and acknowledge their existence decide the number of choices you can have. Many ordinary people used to complaint about the unfair of life and all of their bad lucks while those successful ones or the will-be succeed ones focus on their target wholeheartedly. Everyone has his or her time equally, we can choose to spend it on negative thoughts and remain stay in the disastrous situation; or we can choose walking through it, stride straight forward in pursuit of beauty and happiness, casting the shadow of our burden behind us. People make such different choices everyday, and with the accumulation of them, live different lives in the end. It is a choice although many people do not recognize its being.

Even in some special situations which one seems has little choice; an absolute absence of choice still is rare. When one suffers from an accident, to view it in an optimistic or pessimistic way means a lot to oneself. Two famous books, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and How the Steel Was tempered were written by their authors who mentally awareness of their surroundings but physically paralyzed. Those two people chose to confront the harshness of life with a positive attitude and made unique contribution to the world.

To sum up, we can choose to have choices even with dim lights and tangled circumstances. No matter how cruel the lives are, we can choose to believe in that we have the ability to choose, at least to choose dignity and spiritual liberty, for we human beings endowed with the free will from the day we born.

唯一有的就是单纯的好奇心
结果就是他认为是好的东西
就毫不掩饰的赞美完全敞开心胸
也就是说这家伙太危险了
对他而言什么鉴定的眼光根本没有

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oceanmaster
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沙发

发表于 2009-2-6 20:08:28 |只看该作者

先占个楼，等下帮你改。。。。
这篇简直没法入手。。。

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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corpuscle
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板凳

发表于 2009-2-6 23:57:07 |只看该作者

We live in a world that is full of choices: how to dress ourselves, where to live, whom to marry, etc. In such abundance of choices, sometimes we might even get confused in how to choose and the absence of choice seems really a rare circumstance.喜欢你这样的开头，简洁明了~~！

Admittedly, in certain circumstances choices are limited either because of the lacking of an air of freedom or some unconquered nature forces. One cannot choose to speak out one's opinion
这个不是没有选择的范畴，这里需要过渡下，没有自由会如何如何，然后导致不能选择frankly and freely during some conservative era or under the ruling of some dictatorial governments. One cannot choose when to born and dead, whom one's parents are, or whether he is black, white or yellow.缺少自由导致没有选择如果你能论证深入可以去写，如果论证不出来还是省略；关于不能克服一些自然力可以去展开下，光例证是有些苍白的，这里也不好写

However, the inner thoughts and spirits of human beings cannot be shaped and categorized by those measurable identifications. People can still live a spiritual根据你的TS，我觉得这里应该限定精神生活 life full of choices they give to themselves. We can choose to stick to our principles, we can choose to use our individual thinking, we can choose to live our own lives这个不属于精神领域
and we can design our blueprint of future with all these choices这几句没有体现出精神领域选择不受限制的特点. It is such a vast sea of choices in our daily life这里是要说精神生活吗？如果说日常生活，就不属于这一段讨论的范畴 that we may even constantly run into a labyrinth with all our hesitation and confusion: which one is better and whether should I take the choice without regretting it in the future? For everything in the universe exists in a delicate balance, every time when we choose one thing, we lose the opportunity to do another thing at the same time and space这里再具体点，比如选择了妥协就等于放弃了抵抗….. Therefore, many people fear to make choices in a mood to avoid responsibilities they bring along with.这段讨论精神领域的选择还是不错的，很欣赏你在每个分论点进行限定的写法

There are plenty of choices under many circumstances which people suppose they are absent because they get treated with oblivion and ignorance. Choices always lie everywhere, it all depends on whether we can distinguish them and bravely pick them out from other grey and doom accessories. The secret lies in one's mind. Whether you are courageous enough to face them and acknowledge their existence decide the number of choices you can have根据你这里的论述，我觉得分论点应该说人们懦弱. Many ordinary people used to complaint about the unfair of life and all of their bad lucks while those successful ones or the will-be succeed ones focus on their target wholeheartedly. Everyone has his or her time equally, we can choose to spend it on negative thoughts and remain stay in the disastrous situation; or we can choose walking through it, stride straight forward in pursuit of beauty and happiness, casting the shadow of our burden behind us这里可以论述为态度，不过这两个情况中间应该来个连接词. People make such different choices everyday, and with the accumulation of them, live different lives in the end不同的选择是如何导致不同的结果，这里说的很模糊，没有写下去. It is a choice although many people do not recognize its being. 前面两段都加了限定，这段怎么不加限定呢？撇开那些身体或自然的限制，大部分时候还是可以选择的，人们觉得选择的机会少是因为懦弱和态度的问题

Even in some special太模糊
situations which one seems has little choice; an absolute absence of choice still is rare. When one suffers from an accident, to view it in an optimistic or pessimistic way means a lot to oneself. Two famous books, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and How the Steel Was tempered were written by their authors who mentally awareness of their surroundings but physically paralyzed. Those two people chose to confront the harshness of life with a positive attitude and made unique contribution to the world.你这段是论证态度对人的影响。我觉得你这段应该改改，把这个素材提到上一段去，说这个人没有像其它人选择消极的态度，采用积极的态度，然后取得了不同的结果….

To sum up, we can choose to have choices even with dim lights and tangled circumstances. No matter how cruel the lives are, we can choose to believe in that we have the ability to choose, at least to choose dignity and spiritual liberty, for we human beings endowed with the free will from the day we born.
B1先说由于身体或自然的限制，有些地方不能自由选择；B2论述在精神领域可以自由选择；B3解释人们会觉得选择机会少，这样的结构是很不错的。这个题目确实不太好写

博学之，审问之，慎思之，明辨之，笃行之。

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地板

发表于 2009-2-7 00:03:26 |只看该作者

We live in a world that is full of choices: how to dress ourselves, where to live, whom to marry, etc. In such abundance of choices, sometimes we might even get confused in how to choose and the absence of choice seems really a rare circumstance.
（让步段）Admittedly, in certain circumstances choices are limited either because of the lacking of an air of freedom or some unconquered nature forces. One cannot choose to speak out one's opinion frankly and freely during some conservative era or under the ruling of some dictatorial governments. One cannot choose when to born and dead, whom one's parents are, or whether he is black, white or yellow.
（心理层面：有很多选择，但是担心后悔导致选择缺失）However, the inner thoughts and spirits of human beings cannot be shaped and categorized by those measurable identifications. People can still live a life full of choices they give to themselves. We can choose to stuck up to our principles, we can choose to use our individual thinking, we can choose to live our own lives and we can design our blueprint of future with all these choices. It is such a vast sea of choices in our daily life that we may even constantly run into a labyrinth with all our hesitation and confusion: which one is better and whether should I take the choice without regretting it in the future? For everything in the universe exists in a delicate balance, every time when we choose one thing, we lose the opportunity to do another thing at the same time and space. Therefore, many people fear to make choices in a mood to avoid responsibilities they bring along with.
（依然心理层面上讨论：忽视导致选择缺失；但是中间跳到了生活态度，即是否有勇气上）There are plenty of choices under many circumstances which people suppose they are absent because they get treated with oblivion and ignorance. Choices always lie everywhere, it all depends on whether we can distinguish them and bravely pick them out from other grey and doom accessories. The secret lies in one's mind. Whether you are courageous enough to face them and acknowledge their existence decide the number of choices you can have. Many ordinary people used to complaint about the unfair of life and all of their bad lucks while those successful ones or the will-be succeed ones focus on their target wholeheartedly. Everyone has his or her time equally, we can choose to spend it on negative thoughts and remain stay in the disastrous situation; or we can choose walking through it, stride straight forward in pursuit of beauty and happiness, casting the shadow of our burden behind us. People make such different choices everyday, and with the accumulation of them, live different lives in the end. It is a choice although many people do not recognize its being.
这一段有点乱。建议是一段在开头点出一个意思的点，然后一段就写这一个意思。

（还是心理层面上的讨论：不可抗拒条件下拥有的选择：不同的心态）Even in some special situations which one seems has little choice; an absolute absence of choice still is rare. When one suffers from an accident, to view it in an optimistic or pessimistic way means a lot to oneself. Two famous books, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and How the Steel Was tempered were written by their authors who mentally awareness of their surroundings but physically paralyzed. Those two people chose to confront the harshness of life with a positive attitude and made unique contribution to the world.

To sum up, we can choose to have choices even with dim lights and tangled circumstances. No matter how cruel the lives are, we can choose to believe in that we have the ability to choose, at least to choose dignity and spiritual liberty, for we human beings endowed with the free will from the day we born.
这个方向不好写。所以可以考虑变通一下向相反的观点的方向上移动一下，这样正反两反面都可以占一定篇幅，就不会像现在这样一而再，再而三的在心理层面上讨论，显得有点多。或是对345段适当压缩合并也可以，字数少点就少点，保证了结构的清楚。
客观条件层面上的讨论可以多涉及一点。

半条烂命，一介书生

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