[活动] 进军美利坚作文8.25 [复制链接]

我是chineselady
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-8-26 11:59:37 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Is it more important for teachers help to develop students’ confidence than impart knowledge?
累啊...批评吧

Like an old saying goes: confidence is the first element to for one to be successful. Teachers play an essential role in students’ life, which go through elementary school to college. Students would get achievement in their academic programs as long as are equipped with enough knowledge. However, being confident could bring both better studying score and strong character. That is more pivotal in people’s whole life. So this passage will support confidence with following facts.

First of all, confidence could urge students who are in lower academic study to make progress. In China, students are pretty tired at schools and have face to heavy homework. Some of them could not get used to this forced-feed method teaching. So their scores may be lower than others but it does not mean they are lagging behind in all areas. In this situation, teachers should encourage students and help to develop confidence in case that they will lose themselves. For instance, I was not good at math in my elementary school but math is a necessary program. My teacher encouraged me with praise in front of the class even if I made a very slight progress. I felt like others all focused on me, which gave me pressure to study hard. My teacher provided me the confidence and also let me know I could do as wonderful as others if I believe. Even now, I still remember I was being praised in front of the whole class.

Confidence, instead of academic score, will develop one’s ability in all aspects. Currently, it is not hard to hear the news that college students cannot be employed after graduation. Many of those keep excellent academic program. As all we know, people only use 30% of knowledge from their majors. The rest part people have to deal with by themselves, such as interpersonal skills, comprehension ability and social skills. In this case, being confidence will reduce the barrier when they communicate with others. Therefore, students will be well-rounded by confidence after they graduate.

To be concluded, academic subjects cannot be with students the whole life. It is the confidence that could influence students in various fields. Hence, I tend to agree that it is more important for teachers to encourage students to be confidence.

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goback211
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沙发

发表于 2009-8-26 14:57:54 |只看该作者

Like an old saying goes: confidence is the first element to for one to be successful. Teachers play an essential role in students’ life, which go through elementary school to college. Students would get achievement in their academic programs as long as are equipped with enough knowledge. However, being confident could bring both better studying score and strong character. That is more pivotal in people’s whole life. So this passage will support confidence with following facts.

First of all, confidence could urge students who are in lower academic study to make progress. In China, students are pretty tired at schools and have face（faced?） to heavy homework. Some of them could not get used to this forced-feed method teaching. So their scores may be lower than others but it does not mean they are lagging behind in all areas. In this situation, teachers should encourage students and help to develop confidence in case that they will lose themselves. For instance, I was not good at math in my elementary school but math is a necessary program. My teacher encouraged me with praise in front of the class even if I made a very slight progress. I felt like others all focused on me, which gave me pressure to study hard. My teacher provided me the confidence and also let me know I could do as wonderful as others if I believe. Even now, I still remember I was being praised in front of the whole class.（例子不错）

Confidence, instead of academic score, will develop one’s ability in all aspects. Currently, it is not hard to hear the news that college students cannot be employed after graduation. Many of those keep excellent academic program. As all we know, people only use 30% of knowledge from their majors. The rest part people have to deal with(deal with ability?这个没看懂) by themselves, such as interpersonal skills, comprehension ability and social skills. In this case, being confidence will reduce the barrier when they communicate with others. Therefore, students will be well-rounded by confidence after they graduate.

To be concluded, academic subjects cannot be with students the whole life. It is the confidence that could influence students in various fields. Hence, I tend to agree that it is more important for teachers to encourage students to be confidence.

写的不错，有很多我要学习的地方...

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machi730
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板凳

发表于 2009-8-26 15:01:36 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 machi730 于 2009-8-26 15:06 编辑

整体来看全文两个主要分论点分别指出自信对于学生学习和全面发展的重要性思路很清晰每个观点都有具体的例子支持展开的不错语言也很流畅有一些小毛病我标出来了就是开头段和结尾段可以调整一下开头段就是加一句扣题的话结尾段有点仓促可以再概括的说一下两个分论点（现在的结尾段没有提及第一个分论点）
整体感觉很不错事实和道理论据使用得当学习学习

Like an old saying goes: confidence is the first element to for one to be successful. Teachers play an essential role in students’ life, which go （我觉得从句反而显得繁琐直接用through就好）through elementary school to college. Students would get achievement （我google了一下 get用的比较少一般好像用make）in their academic programs as long as are equipped with enough knowledge. However, being confident could bring both better studying score and strong character（注意冠词如果是单数的话就加上a 或者都改成复数）. That is more pivotal in people’s whole life. （这句话是不是前面标点用错了？应该是前面的从句吧。。。）So this passage will support confidence with following facts.
有一个问题开头段只说了老师在学生生活中的重要性和自信对学生的重要性却没有直接点出观点老师应该花更多时间帮助学生建立自信就一句话的事还是别只说support confidence了吧太简略

First of all, confidence could urge students who are in lower academic study to make progress. In China, students are pretty tired at schools and have （to）face to heavy homework. Some of them could not get used to this forced-feed method ofteaching. So their scores may be lower than others but it does not mean they are lagging behind in all areas. In this situation, teachers should encourage students and help to develop confidence in case that they will lose themselves. For instance, I was not good at math in my elementary school but math is a necessary program. My teacher encouraged me with praise in front of the class even if I made a very slight progress. I felt like others all focused on me, which gave me pressure to study hard. My teacher provided me the confidence and also let me know I could do as wonderful as others if I believe（in myself）. Even now, I still remember I was being praised in front of the whole class.

Confidence, instead of academic score（分数只是知识的一个体现我觉得题目中既然对比的是自信和知识这里也说knowledge比较好）, will develop one’s ability in all aspects. Currently, it is not hard to hear the news that college students cannot be employed after graduation. Many of those keep excellent academic program.（这两句话可以合在一起更有说服力比如it is not hard to hear the news that many college students, even some of those who kept excellent scores in their academic programs, . ）cannot be employed after graduation.As all we know（话说我觉得一般人不知道这个事实。。。所以是不是换个说法比较好？比如It is revealed/ pointed out by a recent survey that...）, people only use 30% of knowledge from their majors. The rest part people have to deal with by themselves, such as interpersonal skills, comprehension ability and social skills. In this case, being confidence will reduce the barrier when they communicate with others. Therefore, students will be well-rounded by confidence after they graduate

To be concluded, （我没听说过这种说法一般不是To conclude或者To sum up么为什么要用被动？）academic subjects cannot be with students the whole life. It is the confidence that could influence students in various fields. Hence, I tend to agree that it is more important for teachers to encourage students to be confidence(应该是形容词。。。).

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