[i习作temp] Issue51 [复制链接]

charliecrispy
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电梯直达

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发表于 2010-3-7 19:26:49 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 charliecrispy 于 2010-3-7 19:29 编辑

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - “Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.”
WORDS:994 TIME: 01:10:11
DATE: 2010-3-6 22:14:55

.

Educaiton, as the most important method of cultivaitng and nurturing future talents, has always been crucial for the human development. As an indespensible part, the relationship of the executor, namely, teacher, and the recepient, as we know, students had been under disccusion all the time. On one hand, some people claim that, education will be effective only when the teachers and students can better cooperate and interact with each other. On the other hand, many indicate that education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each other. However, after taking in account of various aspects. I generally agree with the assertion that educaition will be effective only when the teachers and students can better cooperate and interact with each other.

Firstly, as the executors of education, teachers have been constanly view with respect and salutation. Without opportune direction and cultivation from the teachers, many will not learn the true essence of education. Nowadays, the main channel for students to get educated lie in school. In order to ensure the holistic development of students, the teachers not only should imbue them with a wide range of knowledge, also should teach them the effective approaches to learn so that students are able to better absorb the knowledge and more effectively in class instead of accepting and roting passively.

Secondly, as the recepients of education, students, as well as teachers, assume important responsibilities, which are absorbing and assimilating knowledges while at the same time endeavoring to develop an effecacious way of learning actively. Students and teachers are liken to a combining organizm, like two gears, lacking either part of which
will lead to the failure of the complete process of learning. Moreover, having an attitude of respecting teachers and self learning are fairly important. There is an old saying in Chinese culture: day as a teacher as his own father. Only by respecting teachers and willing to learn from them can a student vitually cooperate and interact with his teachers, allowing the two gears to operate smoothly. Nevetheless, regarding selective learning, they are distinct concerning different phases of education, in other words,

Education can be catogorized in three phases: elementary, secondary, and advanced. Accordingly, teahcer should have different emphasis on these three phases. For elementary education, it is more feasible if teache set up a reletively more controling system aiming at the novice due to the fact they are comparatively inexperiences and unable to establish a good learning habit. The case can be best examplified by our retrospect of the days in primary school. The teacher always stayed by our side and inculcated us with the basic knowledge of different subjects. In other words, we can rarely found freedom, instead, constantly controled by the teachers in that we were really young and easily attempted by the surounding circumstances. This situation will be to a lagre extent ameliorated when students move to secondary education. Although still under control of the teachers, gradually, they will supply more freedom for the students via disparate methods such as group disussion, personal presentation and so forth, the purpose of which is, by more interation and cooperation with the teachers, to cultivate students’ ability to learn by themselves gradually besides aquiring the necessary knowledges. Here I have to remind us of the value of education: besides imbuing students with knowledges, more importanly, teacher should inevitably enlighten them the right way to study. Even if later on they step into the society, the learning habbit and skills can nevertheless benefit them. As for the last phase, advanced education, completely freedom will be granted to the students. They are able to choose the curricula that match their interests, they can discuss problems with their professors at will, they can even create their own research projects. The above analysis indicates that as students become more experienced and proficient at their learning, the teachers control are getting less intense. Nontheless, I’d like to emphasize one point in addition, that is all these scenarios have to base on the prerequisite that teachers and students cooerate and interact well enough to guarantee the effectiveness of education in spite of the phases of education.

Admittedly, from time to time, it will be effective if education is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. Teachers can schematize study plan characterized according to indivisual student’s needs and interests, and the results of which, in many cases, can be positive to the development of this student. However, after considering several conditions in reality, I have to say this way is not feasible for the following reasons: No.1.No matter how well arranged and coherent a plan is, as long as it cannot be implemented in reality, it is not a successful one. Apparently, in every school, the teachers are minority. The phenomenon of demand exceeding supply always exits. Therefore, it is impratical and nearly impossible that education will be designed specifically to meet the individual needs and interests of each student as a consequence of the shortage of teachers. No2. in the elementary and secondary education, students have not yet developed his own learning system, moreover, there are too young to be capable of resisting the temptations outside the school such as video games, amusement parks to be wholeheartedly devoted to the education without the teachers’ control. Thus I must say it is unwise and impratical to design education plan specifically for the individual student.

To sum up, judging from the analysis above, it is not hard for us to counter the issue’s claim due to its impracticability and the personal weakness of students. Truly effective education cannot be realized by blindly satisfing the needs and interests of individual student. Only through the successful cooperation and interaction of teachers and students can education be truly effective.

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pluka
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沙发

发表于 2010-3-9 00:09:14 |只看该作者

Educaiton, as the most important method of cultivaitng and nurturing future talents, has always been crucial for the human development. As an indespensible（拼错） part, the relationship of the executor（用词不妥。此为遗嘱执行人）, namely, teacher, and the recepient, as we know, students had been under disccusion all the time. On （+the）one hand, some people claim that, education will be effective only when the teachers and students can better cooperate and interact with each other. On the other hand, many indicate that education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each other. However（似乎没有转折的必要。只不过是接下去陈述自己的观点而已）, after taking in（into） account of various aspects. I generally agree with the assertion that educaition will be effective only when the teachers and students can better cooperate and interact with each other.
（危险：此T似乎偏题了。明明题目是要讨论教育是否应该满足每个学生的需求，你这里扯啥需要协作——没有回应题目！）

B1 Firstly, as the executors of education, teachers have been constanly view（被动） with respect and salutation. （TS内容太苍白。读了也不清楚这段想谈啥。请复习主题句的作用：提纲挈领，暗示下文。本段讲的就是老师的作用。）Without opportune direction and cultivation from the teachers, many will not learn the true essence（两个词意思重复，冗赘） of education. Nowadays, the main channel for students to get educated lie（主谓一致） in school. In order to ensure the holistic development of students, the teachers not only should imbue them with a wide range of knowledge, （+but，这个搭配可不该错的！）also should teach them the effective approaches to learn so that students are able to better absorb the knowledge and （语法：+to的宾语）more effectively in class instead of accepting and roting（rote是名词不是动词） passively.（撇开审题立意等不谈，光看论述。本段就三句话：TS，观点句1，观点句2。没有留下发展观点的空间。比如观点1，学生需老师帮助才能获得教育的精髓，这是个很模糊的说法。什么是教育的精髓？老师的何种帮助？如果没有又如何？缺少后续发展，显得单薄。观点2亦然。发展观点最常用的方法是例证和说理，还有正反论证啦假设啦什么的。作者可酌情考虑。）

B2 Secondly, as the recepients of education, students, as well as teachers, assume important responsibilities, which are absorbing and assimilating knowledges while at the same time endeavoring to develop an effecacious（拼错） way of learning actively. Students and teachers are liken（用被动） to a combining organizm, like two gears, lacking either part of which will lead to the failure of the complete process of learning.（跟首句联系不那么紧密：TS讲学生的责任，接下来第二句就扯到师生关系，这算是新观点还是发展？感觉还没有讲透就接上moreover另起观点了。断续且仓促。） Moreover, having an attitude of respecting teachers（冗赘，the respect for teachers即可） and self learning are fairly important. There is an old saying in Chinese culture: day as a teacher as his own father. Only by respecting teachers and willing to learn from them can a student vitually cooperate and interact with his teachers, allowing the two gears to operate smoothly. Nevetheless, regarding selective learning, they are distinct concerning different phases of education, in other words,（段落未完成）（TS及其与后文的联系仍然成为问题的重要来源。对照橙色部分，可以看到TS提到的学生的责任是“学习知识”和“学习求知方法”，但是后文却莫名其妙转到“尊师重道”上来了。走岔路的原因就是第二句。moreover以后的就沿着第二句的岔道越走越远。于是，在后文的论述中，我没有找到students' responsibility，只瞧见一堆强调师生和睦的东西。建议写之前要想清楚，开始写了就不要散漫地越扯越远，头脑风暴不是这个时候做的。）

B3 Education can be catogorized（拼错） in three phases: elementary, secondary, and advanced（此次TS明确了，也跟下文联系起来了。只是仍然不知道这段的观点跟全文其他部分有啥联系） Accordingly, teahcer should have different emphasis on these three phases. For elementary education, it is more feasible if teache set up a reletively more controling system aiming at the novice due to the fact they are comparatively inexperiences（请用形容词） and unable to establish a good learning habit. The case can be best examplified by our retrospect of the days in primary school. The teacher always stayed by our side and inculcated us with the basic knowledge of different subjects. In other words, we can rarely found freedom, instead, （补全这后半句的句子结构）constantly controled by the teachers in that we were really young and easily attempted（不确定此处可用） by the surounding circumstances.|| This situation will be to a lagre extent ameliorated（此词意为“改善”，用了它，就是暗示前文提到的小学生受控太多是不好的。well，个人不太认同这个观点。由于小学生容易受到诱惑（作者也提到了），所以他们需要老师管教。并不能简单地说这种“缺少自由”是不好的。） when students move to secondary education. Although still under control of the teachers, gradually, they will supply more freedom for the students via disparate methods such as group disussion, personal presentation and so forth, the purpose of which is, by more interation（拼错） and cooperation with the teachers, to cultivate students’ ability to learn by themselves gradually besides aquiring the necessary knowledges. || Here I have to remind us of the value of education: besides imbuing students with knowledges, more importanly, teacher should inevitably enlighten them the right way to study. Even if later on they step into the society, the learning habbit and skills can nevertheless（不确定是否可用，still即可） benefit them. || As for the last phase, advanced education, completely freedom will be granted to the students. They are able to choose the curricula that match their interests, they can discuss problems with their professors at will, they can even create their own research projects. The above analysis indicates that as students become more experienced and proficient at（in） their learning, the teachers’ control are getting less intense. Nontheless, I’d like to emphasize one point in addition, that is all these scenarios have to base on the prerequisite that teachers and students cooerate and interact well enough to guarantee the effectiveness of education in spite of the phases of education. （私以为绿字部分是本段与前文（上一段）的联系——如果确实有联系的话。如果没有绿字，那么这段就完全是孤立的。但是俺仍然难以理解作者的用意。为什么又谈到教育三阶段了？想要突出什么问题？学生的自由度？可是用这个自由度来表示啥问题，说明啥观点呢？能够跟上下文联系紧密吗？能够跟全文主旨挂钩吗？能够回应题目吗？如果这几个问题不事先想清楚，那么写得再多也是无用功）

B4 Admittedly, from time to time, it will be effective if education is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.Teachers can schematize study plan characterized according to indivisual student’s needs and interests, and the results of which, in many cases, can be positive to the development of this student. However, after considering several conditions in reality, I have to say this way is not feasible for the following reasons: No.1.（这种列举的方法没见过，不确定是否可用。北美上是直接（1）（2）的）No matter how well arranged and coherent a plan is, as long as it cannot be implemented in reality, it is not a successful one. Apparently, in every school, the teachers are minority. The phenomenon of demand exceeding supply always exits. Therefore, it is impratical and nearly impossible that education will be designed specifically to meet the individual needs and interests of each student as a consequence of the shortage of teachers. No2. in the elementary and secondary education, students have not yet developed his own learning system, moreover, there are too young to be capable of resisting the temptations outside the school such as video games, amusement parks to be wholeheartedly devoted to the education without the teachers’ control. Thus I must say it is unwise and impratical to design education plan specifically for the individual student.（这两个反对点找的不错。）（事实上，这两个点比上文一大半观点都要来得切题。）

To sum up, judging from the analysis above, it is not hard for us to counter the issue’s claim due to its impracticability and the personal weakness of students. Truly effective education cannot be realized by blindly satisfing the needs and interests of individual student. Only through the successful cooperation and interaction of teachers and students can education be truly effective.

通篇看完，可以来谈谈大方向的问题了。

四个BODY段，唯有B4最切题。这就比较危险了吧。

首先，题目提出的对象是“专为满足学生要求和兴趣而设计的教育”，无论用什么手段和方法回应题目，都绝对不能不重视这个！官方指南早就说清，只有在保证address了中心问题的前提下，才能不计approach。然而遗憾的是，本篇3/4的篇幅都在谈作者自创的主题，题目给出的对象反倒仅仅在让步最后一个BODY段露了个脸。这就好像我想知道苹果的维生素含量，别人却跟我不厌其烦地扯上一大堆吃梨子有益健康，末了才提一句苹果不好——难道这样子不怪异吗？

其次，就算是论述“师生和睦才能有效”，也显得不够连贯紧密。
提取B1 B2 B3的主题句出来，如果能够通过这三个主题句就清晰地了解作者的意思，那么主题句就合格了。可惜私以为B1的TS绕弯子，B3的不完整，只有B2比较符合标准——奈何B2段的论述根本就跟主题句脱节了囧。
B3的出现也觉得有点奇怪。如文中所批的，这一段的目的到底是什么啊是什么？！难道提出个教育三阶段只不过是为了显示作者的“分析能力”？显然不能限于此！任何一段内容的出现都应该与文章主旨关联，每一个观点都要为主题服务！如果还没想清楚此段想证明啥，就不要写。如果还没说清楚此观点想论证啥，就继续说！吊在半空最难受，勿做无用功！

论证尚待加强，不够有说服力。建议去了解一下相关的论证方法如例证说理正反假设等。

语言部分请注意。拼写就不说了，自己准备错字本去。词如果不确定就不要随便用。语法请不要漏成分或者忽略时态人称等。

以上。
个人意见，批判性接受。
如果感觉批得不客气了也请包涵~

横行不霸道~

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