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[i习作temp] ISSUE 69 第一篇习作知道颇不入眼，求指导... [复制链接]

Michael杀G
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-8-13 15:51:49 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

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Michael杀G
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沙发

发表于 2010-8-13 17:46:50 |只看该作者

人说心诚感动天...我顶...

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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Michael杀G
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板凳

发表于 2010-8-13 20:47:03 |只看该作者

心诚感动天...我顶...

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feizhanglzu
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地板

发表于 2010-8-13 23:24:32 |只看该作者

RE: ISSUE 69 第一篇习作知道颇不入眼，求指导...

这位大侠你什么时候的作文考试啊？我是在西安的9月2号作文。希望找人一起互改作文，大侠如果机考时间跟我差不多，俺愿意和大侠一起复习作文。。。。你的这篇处女作俺该先修改了，俺非牛人啊，有不妥之处，请见谅啊。。。

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feizhanglzu
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5楼

发表于 2010-8-14 00:40:22 |只看该作者

"Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development"
政府应该少限制科学研究和发展。

Holding an opinion that the restrictions government placed on scientific

research are broadly more detrimental than beneficial, I fundamentally subscribe to

lz 用的词汇有点生僻啊（俺的词汇量也很一般，不要见笑），这样会不会影响写作的速度啊？再说，GRE作文主要考察的是逻辑，文采是次要的；再者，很多生词汇的精确意义我们可能并不晓得，用起来很牵强，所以个人建议，还是选自己熟悉的词汇来表大为好。。lz觉得呢？

the sentiment of the speaker that government should place less limitations

onto the field of science. Nevertheless, a certain extent of restraint is quite necessary

in some certain subjects and situations.

First and foremost, these restrictions will retard the development of human

society by objecting scientific research. Both Francis Bacon and Galileo

Galilei once claimed that the ultimate purpose of scientific research is to

benefit mankind, and nurmerous instances in history indicated that the

progress of science and technology often brought us vast convinence or benefits.
这个地方说的有些模糊空洞了，建议举出一个具体事例来：比如说现代网络技术的发明使得communication is more and more convient ; the video cameras record the happy and meaningful moments of our life; the invention of cars and trains makes it possible for morderm prople to travle to distant areas…

However, it is obvious that both the limited funds and thepolitical bans may

lead to the increase of the difficulties of research and the disappointment of

scientists, which may both do harm to the scientific research. Contrarily, the

also
abatement of limitations will benefit to the accomplishment of scientific

不要to

research and the achievement  of its superm goal. For instance, US president

Barack Obama abolished the fund limitation on the research of embyonic stem

cells so that the researchers may get hundreds of necessary stem cell lines.  Many famous

scientists claims that the policy will accelerate the research of many serious diseases, including some incurable diseases.

论证时最好是一边说理一边例证，这样看起来显得有血有肉的。。。
Secondly, The restraints, from the government's point of view, will lead to brain drain,
                                                Lz 的词汇量好丰富，佩服。。。只是感觉应用起来欠圆润，总有些别扭的感觉。对于我来说（一个词汇量有限的人）来说再考上搜肠刮肚的找出这么个表达方法，我肯定写不完。。。
which may bring down the technical standing and competition of the country. Only a few years ago, a survey
just

mentioned 加that
去in an article in THE ECONOMIST showed that the chief reason of the scientists'               这个杂志的素材很丰富，可是来不及看了。。。

outflow is their dissatisfaction about the condition of scientific research,including 相应的改为include the complaint

about the excessive restrictions of governments. That is to say, those barricades built by some

administration forced many inspired domestic researchers to go abroad to continue their research.

In 2000, more than 100 English scientists, including 5 Noble prize men in medicine charged the

British government for restricting the experiments on animals. The evidence those scientists listed

showed that the limitation has already caused the outflow of British scientific specialists, which
挺别扭的，不放改为：as is presented above, these limitations has …

may decelerate the development of British biology.

However, the limitations, in some fields connected closely with改为concerning about the ethics or moral principles, or

ethical

some programs may threaten the very survival and development of human being, are indispensable.

这个句子头重脚轻， lz是看了杨鹏难句吗？但是are 后面的成分很少艾，显得不是很搭调。。。还是改为正常语序比较舒服。。。

As being去掉这个词 mentioned above, the ultimate goal of scientific research is the benefit of human being,

so that one research does more harm than good should be limited, or even be banned, especially

when the harmfulness or controversy was easily visible or was proven by sufficient evidences. For

instance, human cloning should be and must be forbidden before the relevant legal, ethical and

religious problem had been solved satisfactorily.

怎么没有结尾啊。。。戛然而止了？

如果条件差不多，希望结成二人作文小组，互相学习，促进。祝杀G成功！

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