[活动] telephone or television ,which is better for human-being? [复制链接]

Annne
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-8-17 15:42:14 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 Annne 于 2010-8-17 16:07 编辑

The arrival of the information time has an ample influence in human-being’s life. Undoubtedly, the innovation of television and telephone promotes the advance of the wheel of human’s civilization. An argument about whether the effects of television overweight the influences the telephone brings. Some uphold an idea that the function of television is more essential to us. They endorse televisions add plentiful pleasures in our daily life in terms of the visual and latest information it demonstrated .However, I insist a standpoint the telephone change our way of living more dramatically.

Unlike television, the initial purpose of creating telephone is for shortening the distant and time of communication instead of entertainment. By tracing the history of telephone’s development, a trend could be found that the connection of two telephone terminal has becoming more and more convenient and speedy. Nowadays, no need for us to write letters and wait for their responses for a long time to gain contact with our friends and family members, and telephone provides an access to exchange ideas with others and what you need to accomplish is to press a few buttons on the telephone.
With the improvement of telephone, more amusing functions were introduced in the telephone using, such as small games,IE for surfing the internet and music devises. In this way, the telephone not only is a tool for communications, but occupied some entertainment functions of television and computer partly. The most brilliant advantage is the telephone is easy-taking when we are not stay indoors.

As the analysis above concerned, the boundary between television and telephone is becoming vague steadily. We can regard telephone as a small television as well. Moreover, the smaller size of telephone priors the television which is tough to accompany with us alongside.

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zhoupengyu
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沙发

发表于 2010-8-18 16:09:21 |只看该作者

The arrival of the information time has an ample influence in human-being’s life.
Undoubtedly, the innovations of television and telephone promotes the advance of the wheel (promote的是程度吧，所以我感觉这个wheel换成level好点) of human’s civilization. An argument about (There are many arguments over the issue that) whether the effects of television overweight the influences of the telephone brings. Some uphold an (the) idea that the function of television is more essential to (for) us. They endorse televisions add (bring会不会好点？) plentiful pleasures in our daily life in terms of the visual and latest information it demonstrated. However, I insist a standpoint that the telephone changes our way of living more dramatically.

Unlike television, the initial purpose of creating telephone is for shortening the distant and time of communication instead of entertainment. By tracing the history of telephone’s development, a trend could be found that the connection of two telephone terminal has becoming (becomes) more and more convenient and speedy. Nowadays, no need for us to write letters and wait for their responses for a long time to gain contact with our friends and family members, and telephone provides an access to exchange ideas with others (each other) and what you need to accomplish is to press a few (press) buttons on the telephone.

With the improvement of telephone, more amusing functions were introduced in the telephone using, such as small games, IE for surfing the internet and music devises. In this way, the telephone not only is a tool for communications, but occupied some entertainment functions of television and computer partly. The most brilliant advantage is the telephone is easy-taking when we are not stay indoors.

As the analysis above concerned, the boundary between television and telephone is becoming vague steadily. We can regard telephone as a small television as well. Moreover, the smaller size of telephone priors the television which is tough to accompany with us alongside.

总体思路清晰，论证较完整。
长句的把握不够，过于赘述，而且中文思路过于明显。

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anitaxja
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板凳

发表于 2010-8-19 12:40:36 |只看该作者

The arrival of the information time has an ample(it feels like the word doesn't fit here, "great" is recommended) influence in human-being’s life. Undoubtedly, the innovation of television and telephone promotes the advance of the wheel of human’s civilization. An argument about whether the effects of television overweight the influences the telephone brings. (这句是断句)Some uphold an idea that the function of television is more essential to us. They endorse televisions add plentiful pleasures in our daily life in terms of the visual and latest information it demonstrated .However, I insist a standpoint (deleted)the telephone change our way of living more dramatically.

Unlike television, the initial purpose of creating telephone is for shortening the distant and time of communication instead of entertainment. （主题句是亮点！好！）By tracing the history of telephone’s development, a trend could be found that the connection of two telephone terminals has becoming more and more convenient and speedy. Nowadays, there is no need for us to write letters and wait for their responses for a long time to gain contact with our friends and family members, and telephone provides an access to exchange ideas with others and what you need to accomplish is to press a few buttons on the telephone.

With the improvement of telephone, more amusing functions were introduced in the telephone using, such as small games, IE for surfing the internet and music devises. In this way, the telephone not only is a tool for communications, but occupied some entertainment functions of television and computer partly. The most brilliant advantage is the telephone is easy-taking when we are not stay indoors.

As the analysis above concerned, the boundary between television and telephone is becoming vague steadily. We can regard telephone as a small television as well. Moreover, the smaller size of telephone priors the television which is tough to accompany with us alongside.

开头段有点冗长，读起来不是很顺畅。论证我觉得挺好，尤其是论证部分的语言，比开头精彩许多！

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