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DavidCharles
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-8-19 18:02:00 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 DavidCharles 于 2011-8-19 18:07 编辑

从今天起开始托福作文的准备了，道路艰辛。欢迎大家对我写的文章提出批评指正。
感激托福路上您的每一次驻足和修改！

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存在的就是合理的。

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DavidCharles
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沙发

发表于 2011-8-19 18:17:22 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 DavidCharles 于 2011-8-19 22:54 编辑

2011年8月19日独立作文

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存在的就是合理的。

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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kovi
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板凳

发表于 2011-8-20 20:18:07 |只看该作者

如何回文件 - -

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地板

发表于 2011-8-20 20:24:11 |只看该作者

题目：
8月19日 20100207NA
Agree or Disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

My essay
As a matter of fact, in order to be successful, similarities and differences are both necessary. However, in my point of view, for the purpose to succeed, to like others are comparatively more important than to be different.

First of all, to like others is one of the best ways to gain success. As we all know, similarities exist in human characteristics . 表达不够明确,可以说we can learn a lot from the experience of the others. In this way, it will certainly help us to gain the success easily.
Therefore, there are some principles can be used universally in many realms. For instance, for unversity students, in order to get a high score in the final exams, they are tend to search what reference books or materials are most popular among their classmates; For a good cook, he\she is always trying to figure out how to cook delicious foods through learning from a famous cook; For educators, they are learning how to teach effectively through plentiful cases.
例子都蛮好的,就是如果表达更直接,更清楚些就好了.

Furthermore, realizing the similarities among individuals is the prerequisite of making progress. In order to illustrate this point clearly, let me take myself as an example(最好不以自己为例子,说服力不够). When I was a freshman, I found I was not good at speaking, therefore I spent lots of time observing how good speakers communicated with others.(我觉得这里要添加how to observe是关键,因为这是最具说服力的地方,结果就一笔带过,然后加句总结性的话) At last, I found that when those good speakers had conversations they were tend to focuse  on listening to others, they were tend to speak in a politely manner and they were more frequently using proper words to express explicitly. It was through learning these similarities that I realized where my problems were. Consequently, through diligent work I finally got vast progress in speaking. In light of this, I firmly believe that learning similarities can promote people to realize their problems and make progress.

In the final analysis , the emphasis of to be  like others does not mean the differences among individuals should be ignored. On the contrary, in most cases, it is because of difference that makes us outstanding. Nevertheless, we should aware that similarities are the basis of success.

这段的逻辑有点问题。
如果你想用转折,直接说Although the differences among individuals are very essential which can make us outstanding, from my perspective, I think the similarities are the basis of success

In conclusion, to gain success, learning similarities from others are necessary. Besides, it is on this foundation that people learn how to be successful.

这些只是个人建议，如有不妥，请别介意。
结构没有问题,有些词也用的很好,注意下组织和表达直接。就perfect了。
希望你能坚持下去。

                                                By kovi.

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