[未归类] 给位老大谁能帮我改改作文啊？感激不尽！ [复制链接]

walkingnow
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-11-21 13:44:11 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目是：think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below

We are alone with no excuses. Man is free to write the script for his own life: He can blame no one else if his life is a poor performance.
Adapted from Jean Paul Sartre

The expectations and restraints of society severely limit a person: Schooling, organized religion, and other social institutions imprison a person's mind and spirit

Assignment: Are we free to make our own choices in life, or are our decisions always limited by the rules of society? Plan and write an essay....

   Taking Ap classes, going to a good college,or even living in a big house. These things are all what people want to do in today’ssociety. But does it mean you have to follow it? You can take normal classes,go to a ok college, or live in a house that fits you and your family. We arenot limit by the rules of today’s society, everyone has his or her own decisionto choose in life.
   For example, look at Picasso, during hislife time, it is restricted to draw abstract, everyone have to draw realistic,but Picasso thinks that if there are cameras, what is the point of drawingrealistic. So he develop cubism, he choose his own way of life, even though thesociety has another. Look at his drawings now, most of them are in museums, andalmost everybody knows who Picasso is.
   Another story, one of friend, she quietedschool to follow her dreams, to become a barber. You know quitting school intoday’s society is called making a wrong decision in your life. Everyone thinksthat you must go to college in order to have a decent life. After I look at herand the choice she made, I have a conclusion, it really isn’t that bad, you dowork that you want to do, even if you have downs, but it’s the things you wantto do. In conclusion the rules of society is just an example rule you can takein your life, but the final decision is still yours, so don’t be afraid to bedifferent from you friends, be yourself.

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linda_k91
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沙发

发表于 2011-11-24 19:56:27 |只看该作者

第一句是个断句。 ok college的说法太寒了。第一段结尾被动语态。 developed/develops 这个再斟酌一下。我只看了前两段，觉得楼主这篇（应该是sat的文）要大动筋骨。虽然我sat作文一直写的不好，但楼主的语法真的要加强啦，这不是能力问题，而是态度问题。在放上来之前没通读过吧。本来还想看看第三段的，但quiet school 太扎眼了，是quit吧。
说话多有得罪，请见谅。

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