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小乔木
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-4-2 20:56:31 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

第一次写，各种求拍求刺激，我实在写不出来了！

4 2
do you agree or disagree with the following statement it is important to know about what is happening around the world, even if it doesn’t affect your personal lives.

Is it necessary to learn the events which are happening around the world daily? Some people may prefer to pay attention to things happened only around themselves because they think it is not necessary to lose their precious time and energy to focus on the things which do not seem have directly relationship with themselves. However, my opinion is that it is valuable for us to know these things.

The main reason why I recommend that is it keep us with the up-to-date information so we can catch up with the development of the world. It is hard to imagine a person who only pay attention to people and environment around himself can have a common language with others.. What’s more, such kind of person will find a lot of difficulties in his daily life because of his narrow view. As our world is developing faster than ever before, people put more passion into the new achievement of mankind. It is common that people talking about the latest news such as the war in Libya while walking along the street. Certainly the war dose not have even a little relation with them, but it provide a good subject for people communicate with others.

Another reason is that even though something happened before or in another country may not affect out lives. However, we can learn something from other’s failure or success and similar things may happen in our lives in the future. For example, the story of Helen Keller may not have a direct affect on ourselves, but the tenacious spirit of her has encourage a lot of people to achieve their own success. Although earthquake may seem too far from us, people will certainly feel it would be better to know more about it when they really face it.

It is true that we cannot learn everything happens globally. But without putting a lot of our energy to the trivial news, it would be possible for us to get the latest method and catch up with the fashion and even appreciate the world deeper. With the idea of the difficulties the African children are facing, we will surely cherish our daily lives without worrying about hunger. By appreciating the fantastic scene of movies, we can develop the spirit of heroism and senses of justice. It is sure we can live as well without knowing about the a\outside world. But is it more colorful our lives if we broaden our mind to accept the outside world of others’?

RE: 【daily writing 作业】小乔木作文贴

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小乔木
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6楼

发表于 2012-4-10 23:07:16 |只看该作者

总算期中考完试了
110625 do you agree or disagree with the following statement it is more enjoyable to buy a new technological device when it becomes available than wait until many people have owned it

It is true that devices created by the latest technology will bring you some of new excitement and may even surprise you. However, the drawbacks can also be created by taking the risk of attempting them. So there are a lot of things to consider twice before we make a conclusive decision.

First of all, while we are imagining the fantastic power or incredible convenience the new technology based devices, the risk and even the disastrous outcomes should also be considered. As a famous aphorism once said, every coin has two sides. The benefits brought about by the new technology are often at a cost of our environment, vast waste of the natural resources and even many people’s deaths. For example, for the achievement in the astronomy, even though we had successfully sent human beings into the moon, the cost also should not be ignored----large waste of money, many failed set up and even the meaningless deaths of the astronauts, as a result, some governments are now even thinking about abolishing plans similar like that because the potential benefits cannot count for the expense.

Furthermore, even technology itself sometimes is not beneficial as it looks like. Look around of ourselves, the abuse of the chemicals in our food, more and more violent natural disasters and diseases which take away millions of people’s lives, all of which are endangering our own habitants and even destroying the earth, not alone the technology which is not proved by adequate experiments. So no one can deny the fact that we should carefully examine what we called “technology”.

However, should we forgive our scientific development because of the potential risks brought up by it? Of course not. Even though there are many unpredictable factors in the attempting of our new findings, we will not advance without making them clear. Some failures are even valuable for us because if we had failed, an inappropriate possibility was also removed from our mind.

In conclusion, also the technology, especially the new ones can bring about so many undesirable results and may even destroy our cherished planet, we, for the more civilized society and the advance of the human beings, should not stop our steps in adventure.

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坏绿的眼睛
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7楼

发表于 2012-4-11 10:26:21 |只看该作者

本帖最后由坏绿的眼睛于 2012-4-11 10:27 编辑

7 q2 I8 [; I3 ^/ R) H" a1 x
110625 do you agree or disagree with the following statement it is more enjoyable to buy a new technological device when it becomes available than wait until many people have owned it
+ p0 Q& a- J. [! D
8 P% c* o8 I' y

It is true that devices created by the latest technology will bring you some of new excitement and may even surprise you. 第一句话建议紧扣主旨，改为It is true that having devices created by the latest technology
timely will bring you some of new excitement and may even surprise you.这样一来就使得你的第一句表达了立刻购买这种产品的快乐所在，立刻二字很重要，它是两个观点的主要区别呐！.
However, the drawbacks can also be created合适么？creat 缺点？换个词吧 by taking the risk of attempting them. So there are a lot of things to consider twice before we make a conclusive decision.

4 c  U4 u8 `, U  h6 Q- V/ q/ e
First of all, while we are imagining the fantastic power or incredible convenience the new technology based devices, the risk and even the disastrous outcomes should also be considered. 这个地方虽然说出了观点可是比较委婉，最好还是第一句就能提一下，因为立刻买可能会有这样这样风险，这一点应当被我们考虑到云云 As a famous aphorism once said, every coin has two sides. The benefits brought about by the new technology are often at a cost of our environment, vast waste of the natural resources and even many people’s deaths.这里说的是不是有点严重，如果你后边不准备展开说科技是怎么浪费资源和怎么导致人类死亡的，这里这样提似乎有些突兀 . For example, for the achievement in the astronomy, even though we had successfully sent human beings into the moon, the cost also should not be ignored----large waste of money, many failed set up and even the meaningless deaths of the astronauts, as a result, some governments are now even thinking about abolishing plans similar like that because the potential benefits cannot count for the expense.
我认为这段的问题在于是，它似乎和有些跑题  主题是应该不应该立刻买新科技产品在我看来它指的其实就是IPAD KINDLE之类的东西  和新科技有没有危害关系大吗？

% C1 n' ]0 {7 b& k' v
; i$ R: W7 h9 c9 W( G4 }% c
Furthermore, even technology itself devicesometimes is not beneficial as it looks like. Look around of ourselves, the abuse of the chemicals in our food, more and more violent natural disasters and diseases which take away millions of people’s lives, all of which are endangering our own habitants and even destroying the earth, not alone the technology which is not proved by adequate experiments. So no one can deny the fact that we should carefully examine what we called “technology”.

我圈了几个地方出来，是第二段里面围绕之展开的名词，还是存在和第一段相同的问题就是+ C+ X4 _2 c1 S( e% m其实还是没有写到buy a new technological devic timely这个主题，其实食物中的化学物质或者病毒都可以往上面靠，你可以举例比如厂家购买转基友食品的生产装置，但是其实这种利用新科技发展出的装置并不成熟，里面会含有有害化学物质巴拉巴拉巴拉这样，就能和主题靠上了。

However, should we forgive our scientific development because of the potential risks brought up by it? Of course not. Even though there are many unpredictable factors in the attempting of our new findings, we will not advance without making them clear. Some failures are even valuable for us because if we had failed, an inappropriate possibility was also removed from our mind.
这段字数略少哦~

In conclusion, also the technology, especially the new ones can bring about so many undesirable results and may even destroy our cherished planet, we, for the more civilized society and the advance of the human beings, should not stop our steps in adventure.

谢谢小乔木给我改作文，作为回报我也来给你修改啦，以后欢迎互动！！共同进步！
提两个建议
一总体上来说你的作文字数偏少，这也是你批改的我那篇TPO14独立所犯的毛病，独立作文已经被证实了字数如果不到400+或者更多的话很多时候比较难拿GOOD。尤其其实很多人去考试的时候独立都是写到500+的，上一篇我的独立就丧心病狂地飙到了600+，当然字数只是一方面，不过如果能适当增多的话会切合独立作文运用具体事例的要求，何乐而不为？
二因为刚开始写独立的缘故，所以抓论点和举例子都还不熟练，这个没有关系，可以慢慢练习，会看到提升的，我一开始也是各种跑题。
建议你看看李笑来的185作文，和ETS满分作文这样的，多看看别人的习作。
祝顺利！

                                                                                                                                             ——坏绿的眼睛

这是我不愿醒来的梦。

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yyyfor
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8楼

发表于 2012-4-11 11:56:49 |只看该作者

不得不感叹楼上的专注度..
我也只能稍微改改瑕疵了..

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the pursuit of happiness

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小乔木
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9楼

发表于 2012-4-11 12:54:11 |只看该作者

7# 坏绿的眼睛 感谢坏绿的眼睛所提出的宝贵意见。正如你所说，我这篇字数略少而且严重跑题，我写完的时候也发现了，当时写的时候注意力不太集中（不过考试的时候在坐了3个小时的情况下注意力也应该很难集中了）, 我以后还是会注意的。因为我作文练的较少，对某些话题还是感觉无话可说。总之，希望以后我们可以共同进步！

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10楼

发表于 2012-4-11 12:57:09 |只看该作者

8# yyyfor 谢谢这为同学的修改，确实我写完再看了一遍后，感觉我的文章是在回答要不要发展科技。写的时候有点小累，希望以后共同进步

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小乔木
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11楼

发表于 2012-4-11 21:54:49 |只看该作者

Tpo13的综合，听的不是太好，那老太太的语气听的快吐了，求指导，特别是第一个理由

In this lecture, the lecturer talks about the impact of the private buying and selling of the fossils. However, there are several points in her lecture which contrasts sharply with what is said in the reading passage.

First of all, the passage says that because the private collectors will not donate the fossils to the public institution, the other people will suffer because they cannot see them in the museum. However, the lecturer says that because of the trade, more fossils will be exposed in this world and as a result, more fossils will be available, even though some of the public institution would not have the chance to get them for exhibition.

Secondly, the lecturer says that before the fossils become valuable, they have already been identified by the scientists. They will examine and test them by themselves, and when the private collectors get some fossils and identify it, they must be scientist first and there will no missing information as a result. That is totally opposite with the information in the passage which says scientists will lose some access to some of the most important information of the fossils and miss some of critical finding of the extinct creature.

At last, although the private collectors may destroy some valuable information, they also make a warning that there are still many fossils that have not been found because there are also not so much activities operated by the universities and institutions. So it is better to have these fossils unearthed with some information missing than let them buried underground.

In all, the lecturer totally disagrees with the opinion made in the passage. What she thinks is that the benefit is far more than the negative aspect of the dealing of fossils by private collectors.

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