[作文] 剑五 TEST2 TASK2 跪求高手评分和修改~~万分感谢 [复制链接]

sherryfanfan
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电梯直达

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发表于 2012-6-22 20:25:44 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and university studies.

There is a hot discussion involved in whether it is right that young people are encouraged to work or have a trip for a while between finishing high school and starting university studies.

In my opinion, it will be beneficial to young people for a working or traveling experience before going to universities. Because, during that period, they can call for various places where they dreamed of for a long time, get familiar to cultures and atmospheres of different areas. Therefore, traveling can help young persons to broaden their horizon. If choosing to work, it may harder than travel, you should do good efforts to get payments, and working not only needs you to get along with colleagues but also cooperate with each other. What is more, no matter traveling or working both worthwhile for young persons before they enjoying their campus life. And through traveling and working experience, they may find out what they are really interested in and suitable for.

However, every coin has two sides, it is the same in this problem. Many people, especially parent s worry that one year apart from school may do harm to their children. Society is more complex than school, it easier for young person to go astray. Since a long time away, going back to campus and concentrating themselves in classes are difficult tasks for these youngsters.

In conclusion, if a young people is good at self-control and with parents back up to him or her, he or she can have a try for a gap year. I believe, stories occur in the gap year will be treasures of their life.

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robinzr
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发表于 2012-6-24 08:18:43 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 robinzr 于 2012-6-24 08:20 编辑

There is a hot discussion involved that (whether) young people (should be) encouraged to work or have a trip for a while between finishing high school and starting university studies.

In my opinion, it will be beneficial to young people (to have) a working or traveling experience before going to universities. During that period, they can (call for???) various places where they dreamed of for a long time, get familiar (with) cultures and atmospheres of different areas. Therefore, traveling can help young persons to broaden their horizon. If choosing to work, it may (be) harder than travel, you should do good efforts to get (salary), and working not only needs you to get along with colleagues but also cooperate with each other.(this sentence can be improved). What is more, no matter traveling or working (are) both worthwhile for young persons before they (start) enjoying their campus life. And through traveling and working experience, they may find out what they are really interested in and suitable for.

However, every coin has two sides. Many people, especially parents worry that one year apart from school may do harm to their children. Society is more complex than school, it is (easy) for young person to go astray. (After) a long time away, going back to campus and concentrating themselves in classes are difficult tasks for these youngsters.

In conclusion, if a young (person) is good at self-control(ing) and with parents' (support), he or she can have a try for a gap year. I believe, stories occur in the gap year will be treasures of their life.

Comments: currently u need to work on your grammar, and avoid making grammar mistakes. Then try to improve your words and structure of sentences.

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