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ETS清洁工
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-12-18 17:36:53 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 ETS清洁工于 2013-1-5 21:54 编辑

在准备T当中，希望得到各位指点，我一定会给各位回改，真心谢谢大家！

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frozensmile
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沙发

发表于 2012-12-19 23:37:02 |只看该作者

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【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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凯子啊哦
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板凳

发表于 2012-12-20 22:46:45 |只看该作者

已改

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凯子啊哦
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地板

发表于 2012-12-21 13:14:46 |只看该作者

lz 我的作文你还没改的 12.19的

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shanche
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5楼

发表于 2012-12-21 17:20:12 |只看该作者

不好意思这几天回家没有写作文

这是我的链接 https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1776371784

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ETS清洁工
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6楼

发表于 2012-12-21 20:49:08 |只看该作者

凯子啊哦发表于 2012-12-21 13:14
lz 我的作文你还没改的 12.19的

嗯现在才上网马上改

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月明日暗
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7楼

发表于 2012-12-22 00:25:08 |只看该作者

12,。20已改~加了一些我觉得比较好的替换，你看看哈。不过我的水平也就这么回事，咱们多交流哈。

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mpromanus
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8楼

发表于 2012-12-22 10:47:45 |只看该作者

It is better to finish one project completely in one period and begin to do another project than to do two or three projects at the same time. Do you agree or not?

In the modern society, the pace of work becomes faster. At the same time, the amount of work is larger than ever. And how do people how to ('how' needs to be at the beginning of a direct question like all other wh- words, like 'What is your name' but not *'Your name is what'.) deal with a great number of tasks which are in front of them? Finishing their projects one by one or handling several missions at the same time.(This is not a proper sentence. If you're not sure how certain grammar constructs should be used, don't try too hard to use the so-called 'high-level sentence structures'. Stick to simple subject-verb-object sentences that you can manage, e.g. 'They can finish their projects one by one, or they can handle several missions at the same time'.) I suggest they should choose the later one, when they face so much work.

Much more knowledge will be learnt at the same time, if employees put several projects together to work them out.(It's rather awkward that the essay just jumps into this paragraph without any connective, like 'firstly'.) Admittedly, it is a heavy burden for mortals to solve problems within a short time. But they will gain much more information than that from solving one task. People have to deal with their projects which have differences to each other in a narrow span.(If you are referring to a 'span' of time, then you don't call it 'narrow', since time cannot be 'narrow' but only 'short'. If you say a 'narrow span', then the 'span' refers to a physical space, which makes no sense here.) Therefore they must master several fields of knowledge. On the contrary, people who just tackle one mission can finish their jobs with much less information, because they just learn the knowledge on one project.(You are assuming that one project must operate within one field of knowledge, and different projects must span different fields of knowledge..either of these assumptions is not necessarily true.)

Besides learning more knowledge, workers feel less bored to handle several jobs at the same time. It is no doubt that people concentrating on one task for a long time will get upset, especially when they encounter obstacles: they cannot do anything but to figure out it all the time (I don't see why this must be upsetting, because as a pseudo-academic, figuring out obstacles is the most interesting part of my daily life. The point here is that if you want to persuade your readers that obstacles are upsetting, you need to describe this in a way that expresses 'upsetting'. For example, 'they cannot do anything productive but to figure out it in vain all the time'.). The condition will become better, if employees work several jobs. When they feel bored on this task or cannot solve problems, they can change to another mission. In this way, not only people don’t feel upset, but also promote the efficiency of work.(What if they get stuck on every job? Your argument is reasonably fine as far as TOEFL requirements go but you can definitely think about how to make it more robust.)

The function of working out a few projects at the same time is surprising sometime.(After I read this entire paragraph, I think you probably meant 'effect' when you wrote 'function'.) It will help people to come out with new ideas and they will apply the technique or knowledge of one project to another project.(I don't see why this cannot happen if you work on one project at a time. You can still apply what you learnt in project 1 in project 2..yes?) We cannot deny that there are some relationships between projects.(Why must there be 'relationships' between projects? You can have a team project on 19th century Chinese literature from school and a personal project on constructing a model railway in your bedroom. If you think projects must be related then you're probably not quite understanding what a 'project' is..or you're simply trying to force the logic.) The technique of one task may become a key to a problem in another project. When we work on several projects together, it (What is 'it'? 'projects' is plural so this noun can't be 'it'.) will come true easily (Projects don't 'come true'. They can be accomplished, aborted, cancelled, modified, but they don't 'come true'. There's nothing true or false about projects.), since we are familiar with some fields of information. (This paragraph talks about several things but I don't quite get what its overall purpose is. Are you trying to present an argument for your opinion? An example to illustrate your reasoning? A counter argument? Or something else?)

In a nutshell, dealing with several projects in one period will benefit a lot. Not only it makes you learn more knowledge, but also less upset you will get, as well as it will enlighten you to come out with new ideas.

总结：

你的语法其实不错但是有些语法结构会一直用错，所以请注意什么是正确的结构。。论述上不算非常严谨但是分论点算过得去，主要的问题是倒数第二段，看不出你这段是要做让步呢还是要继续正面论述呢还是要干吗。。

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